Chrissy Teigen is clearly aware that nudity is best done tastefully. That much is clear from a recent still she tweeted from an upcoming music video from her fiancé John Legend. While TMZ is painting this as a "topless pic surfaces" situation, Teigen was definitely in control and totally okay with releasing the photo, originally uploaded to Tumblr by the photographer Nabil Elderkin. Of course, all of Twitter immediately freaked out, because boobs! But Teigen was able to handle it like a pro. With one tweet, she shut the haters down. Classy move, lady. We like your style, naked or clothed.
Literally everyone has a nipple. Get over it. #nipple #get #over #it #getoverit
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) September 12, 2013
Hard truths, right? Anyways, we'd like to take this occasion to go through a few of the things that make up a tasteful nude photo. Not that Teigen needs our help. But in case you, too, are planning on starring in a video with John Legend, we thought this might be helpful.
Image: Via @chrissyteigen.
Always, always black and white. If it's in color, that's just absurd. If it's in sepia, you look like you're posing for one of those novelty Western brothel pictures at the mall. If it's on Instagram, well, filter as you see fit.
Work your shadows. And your angles, for that matter. Why flaunt it all up front when you can leave some grainy, dark areas to the imagination?
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Include one (1) gorgeous fiancé. If John Legend is also making an appearance in your photo, nobody's going to complain. Nobody in this office, at least.
Natural lighting is your friend. Your face doesn't look good under halogens; why wouldn't the same be true of your lady lumps?
Place an artful, vaguely vaginal sculpture in the background. This will distract from the main event and clarify to viewers that this is not pornography (or at least, it's very fancy pornography).
Memorize these tips, and you, too, will look as beautiful and sensual and radiant as Chrissy Teigen in your next nude photo. This statement has not been approved by the FDA. Tips also do not apply to individuals by the name of Anthony Weiner. Thank you and have a great day!