Here Is Ryan Reynolds’ Application To Be Preserve’s Editorial Director

August 11, 2014

Dear Ms. Lively:

I recently came across the posting for the editorial director position of your new start-up, Preserve. I can think of no role for which I am better qualified. Well, some might argue that my résumé, which I've attached to this email on the back of my headshot, would reveal me to be better suited for a different type of role. Because I'm an actor (get it?). That facility with wordplay is just one skill I would bring to the job.

In the listing description, you say that "experience with lifestyle editorial is a must." While I haven't worked at a website in real life, I did once play the assistant to the chief editor at a publishing house in The Proposal. You'll also recall that my character hailed from a picturesque town in Alaska only accessible by seaplane, so I clearly know a thing or two about curating an aspirational existence.

You also mention in the posting that "our stories are often tongue-in-cheek" and that you need someone who can keep that "let's not take ourselves too seriously" essence going. If you look at my IMDb page, you'll see that I'm no stranger to comedy. I'm Van Wilder, for fuck's sake. (I'm not afraid to work blue if the role requires.)

I'd also like to point out that you yourself have commented repeatedly how integral I already am to the site. "He's incredibly involved," you told E! News. "He's influenced my taste so much on things like home design." If hired, I plan to bring that exact influential taste-making to the position of editorial director.

I'd love to meet to discuss the opportunity further. You can reach me at sorryaboutthegreenlantern@gmail.com, or you can simply roll over in bed. I'm the guy sleeping next to you. That's the kind of 24/7 dedication I'm ready to bring to Preserve.

Sincerely,

Ryan Reynolds

P.S. Can you pick up a dozen eggs from the coop on your way home from bonsai-pruning class? Thanks and love you.

P.P.S. Remember how I coined "The Blakery"?