Rob & Chyna Episode 5 Recap: “Baby Bump In The Road”

Once again the actual realities of the Kardashians have overshadowed the reality of Rob & Chyna this week. But, in the time-honored movie tradition of suspended disbelief, we will watch the penultimate episode and spend an hour in Calabasas without worrying about the future of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Rob and Chyna are in a good place. They are getting along well and getting ready for the baby. They decide to visit a train museum to shoot family photos with King before the new baby comes. “It gets me out of my little comfort zone,” Rob says, in case for one second we forgot that Rob doesn’t like having his picture taken. Rob is thinking of moving back into Chyna’s house. “Things have been going great with Chyna and I,” he says. They talk about it. Chyna is on board; she wants to have Rob around, but she’s worried he won’t stick to his self-improvement plan if he moves in. “If you move back in, I want you to still be on your stuff,” she says. As a means to that end, Rob checks in on his health. He has been trying to eat healthier and work out more following his hospital stay and diabetes scare. He meets Dr. Goglia, the family nutritionist, at his mother’s house. They do a blood test on the island in Kris’s kitchen. Rob wants to know his HbA1c percentage. (HbA1c is, according to the American Diabetes Association, a test that measures blood sugar levels over a period of two or three months.) “My levels of sugar were so high it just freaked everyone out,” Rob says, referring to a prior test with Dr. Goglia that landed him in the hospital. This time, the test result is in the normal range. Kris tells him, in her best enabling voice, that she is proud of him. Rob announces to Chyna that he is, “completely free of diabetes.” Okay, what? That makes diabetes sound like a virus, which, of course, it isn’t. This is one of those times when the language the Kardashians use matters and, here, Rob gets it wrong. He says it’s the best news he’s had all year. Chyna politely reminds him that he’s having a baby. They laugh about that, and Rob tells Chyna that he wants to find a house for them to live in together that is their home, not his or hers. “Getting a new house together would be a new start,” he says. Chyna’s not sold on a new house. She likes her house she has now. She’s happy he’s “diabetes-free” (again, words matter here) but she doesn’t want him to lose focus on getting himself in a good place.

Last week Paige took the news like a champ that her room at Chyna’s house would be the baby’s room. This week, she is packing her things, and Chyna isn’t happy. Chyna isn’t ready to lose Paige. “I just don’t want to be lonely in the house with the baby,” Chyna says. Paige tells her not to worry about it and to worry about her health. The real issue here is, and Chyna says it directly to the camera, she can always rely on Paige, and she can’t always rely on Rob. Chyna tells Rob that she is sad about Paige moving out and he comforts her. He is reassuring and tells her that everything is going to be alright. Rob is not just thinking about looking for a new house; he is finally moving on a streetwear business deal. He takes Kourtney along with him to check out some of the merchandise. Rob is genuinely excited. He has been stringing his friend Nick along for four years on this project. “I’m thrilled and fortunate that Nick is still down to do some stuff,” Rob says. He wants to put his degree from USC to good use. “I’m not going to disappear again,” Rob promises. At Chyna’s house, Rob fills her and Paige in on his new deal. Chyna’s reaction is lukewarm, at best. She doesn’t want him to lose his focus. She doesn’t want him to do too much. He says he’s trying to be more proactive. Her reaction confuses him.

Each episode of Rob & Chyna has at least one fight between the show’s namesakes. This week’s involves a drive-thru, chicken sandwiches, and French fries. Rob is driving. Chyna lets his fries fall on the floor of the car. All hell breaks loose. Anyone watching knows the fight isn’t about fries or the passenger’s responsibilities to the driver after a trip through the drive-thru. They call each other names. He says she’s rude. She says he has a chemical imbalance. It’s not pretty, and it isn’t fun to watch.

After the fight, Rob, in his interview segment, says, “I don’t blame her because, obviously, I haven’t lost the weight like I told myself I would.” But he says he does nice things for her, and he doesn’t feel like he gets credit for them. Again, not about the French fries. Chyna checks in with her crew to see if she missed the mark with Rob and was too hard on him. At dinner with Sam and Paige, Chyna and Paige tell Sam about Rob’s new business venture. Chyna says she is worried about him taking on too much. Paige, like we’ve come to expect and love, is a voice of reason. “For the first time in a minute, he seemed confident about something, and she shot him down,” Paige tells Sam. Sam is with Paige here. “I say support him,” Sam says. In her interview segment, Chyna admits to the camera that maybe she’s the one that’s not ready for them to move in together yet. (see above, not about the French fries.) Rob disappears for most of the rest of the episode. He blocks Chyna and all of his family on his phone. No one knows where he is or what he is doing. During this Rob blackout, Chyna reaches out to Paige. Paige asks her straight up if she is going to break up with Rob. Chyna doesn’t have a direct answer, but she does know that they shouldn’t be living together right now. She asks Paige to stay in the house and Paige agrees, yet another reason Paige is an all-star. Chyna, even with Rob gone, gets it together to go to Rob’s grandmother’s birthday party in San Diego. To her credit, she walks into a room with all of Rob’s sisters and his mom without him. “This is the more mature thing,” she explains, not wanting there to be rifts within the family, at least not over this. She and Kim step outside to talk. Kim tells Chyna what she already knows: This a pattern with Rob, and he’s been doing it for years. Rob finally shows up in the last five minutes, but not at his fiancée’s house. Rob shows up at his mom’s house. “Where have you been?” Kris asks. It turns out he went to Las Vegas. “Y’all pissed me off on Sunday. So, I just blocked everyone,” he says, like a disgruntled teenager. Kris is emotional. She is upset that he blocked her. She doesn’t seem to care about the mother of his child or his siblings being blocked or the fact that he ran away to Las Vegas. “You’re my son. What am I supposed to do with my pain?” Kris asks, tears welling up. “The more you pull away the harder and more painful it is for me.” Anyone know if the Calabasas Community Theater is thinking of staging Sophocles’ Oedipus anytime soon?