Looking to spice up your dating life? Consider dating a compulsive liar. As someone who dated a liar for nearly four years, I’m here to share the special relationship perks that a dishonest person can provide.
They are super sweet. According to liars, they usually lie because their heart is in the right place. For example, when I first started dating my lying boyfriend, he lied and said he was spending New Year’s with his widowed mom — but his mom was actually out of the country while he was at a party with his ex. When I confronted him, he explained he felt so bad for breaking up with his ex that he decided to attend one last event with her, and he didn’t tell me because he wanted to spare my feelings. What a good guy! Liars only lie because they care, and who doesn’t want a man who really cares?
They are creative. Liars are amazing writers and actors. They craft stories so well that sometimes even they start to believe them. My ex lied so often that it was as if he didn’t realize he was lying. He’d lie about big things, like finances and inappropriate interactions with other women, and mundane things, like, “Of course I didn’t watch Mad Men without you” when the DVR clearly indicated that he watched Mad Men without me. Also, because liars have such an active imagination and live in a bizarre, unreal world, they often fall for other people’s lies, which means my ex was the target demo for “get rich quick” spam emails. While dating a delusional man made me terrified to ever open a joint savings account together, it also made for excellent entertainment. I’d just say, “Babe, tell me about your life,” then sit back and try to figure out if he really was a Chippendales dancer in college, or saw a zombie in a hotel pool when he was 5, or smoked weed with Brad Pitt when he was 23. A liar’s stories are way more exciting than anything you’ll find on Netflix or in a novel. So, quit that boring book club and join the dishonest boo club!
They will make you smarter. When you are constantly trying to catch your partner in a lie, you are forced you to learn lots of new skills, like: how to crack an email password, how to break into a cell phone, and how to riffle through a drawer without making it look like it’s been touched. You’ll feel like Sherlock Holmes as you go through his Verizon phone bill checking to see who he’s been getting calls from late at night. So exciting! Just remember to use a pay phone when you call those random numbers. If you really wanna feel like a detective, use said pay phone while it’s raining as you hold a magnifying glass and smoke a pipe.
They are a delightful distraction from your own brain. Being consumed by your boyfriend’s lies is an excellent way to avoid dealing with your own baggage. When I met my ex, I had just divorced a man I had been with for eight years, and was extremely vulnerable. I wasn’t ready to deal with the pain of my divorce, so dating a dysfunctional guy was a nice subconscious distraction. Focusing on him helped me avoid myself. So, if you don’t want to be dedicated to self-improvement, be dedicated to destroying material goods — smashing his phone or throwing a plate at the wall, or whatever feels right when you are lied to again and again and again. Bonus: Not only is breaking stuff exhilarating, it’s also an excellent tricep strengthener.
They love (need) you sooo much. If there’s one thing a liar is good at other than lying, it’s being a victim. My boyfriend was always saying he felt misunderstood and abandoned, and I wanted to be the one who changed his life. I wanted to fix him. I wanted to be special. Every time I threatened to leave, he’d manipulate me by saying, “Do you really want to destroy another relationship like you destroyed your marriage?” or, “I will die without you.” Now, I may be a co-dependent fool, but I’m no murderer. And so I stayed, because my brain was not stronger than my stupid, empathetic heart. So, if you want to feel special, do some charity work and save a rescue dude (or dudette)! They need lots of attention, they bark when you try to leave, and you’ll constantly be cleaning up their shit.
They are a delightful distraction from your own brain. Being consumed by your boyfriend’s lies is an excellent way to avoid dealing with your own baggage. When I met my ex, I had just divorced a man I had been with for eight years, and was extremely vulnerable. I wasn’t ready to deal with the pain of my divorce, so dating a dysfunctional guy was a nice subconscious distraction. Focusing on him helped me avoid myself. So, if you don’t want to be dedicated to self-improvement, be dedicated to destroying material goods — smashing his phone or throwing a plate at the wall, or whatever feels right when you are lied to again and again and again. Bonus: Not only is breaking stuff exhilarating, it’s also an excellent tricep strengthener.
They love (need) you sooo much. If there’s one thing a liar is good at other than lying, it’s being a victim. My boyfriend was always saying he felt misunderstood and abandoned, and I wanted to be the one who changed his life. I wanted to fix him. I wanted to be special. Every time I threatened to leave, he’d manipulate me by saying, “Do you really want to destroy another relationship like you destroyed your marriage?” or, “I will die without you.” Now, I may be a co-dependent fool, but I’m no murderer. And so I stayed, because my brain was not stronger than my stupid, empathetic heart. So, if you want to feel special, do some charity work and save a rescue dude (or dudette)! They need lots of attention, they bark when you try to leave, and you’ll constantly be cleaning up their shit.
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Liars are amazing writers and actors. They craft stories so well that sometimes even they start to believe them.
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Things never get stale. With a liar, you never have to worry about your relationship becoming boring. A liar will make your heart flutter with fear, anxiety, and doubt every single day. Every time they’re on the phone or they leave the house, you’ll feel tingles throughout your body wondering if they are cheating on you or participating in illegal activity or god knows what else. We all know, according to soap operas and movies, that real love is all about drama — and liars are drama kings and queens! All that panic followed by rage will keep the spark alive. A spark that will turn into a fire that will burn your self-worth to the ground. What a thrill!
You don’t need to spend money on drugs. When you date a liar, you can feel out of your mind the natural way. Liars drive you crazy by lying to you, and then by calling you crazy when you accuse them of lying to you. They make you act in ways you’ve never acted before (i.e., snooping, throwing things, disregarding your own mental well-being). Sometimes I’d be so disconnected from myself, I’d end up apologizing to him for him lying to me: “I’m sorry that I have such a bad temper that it makes you afraid to be honest with me.” Whoa man, that statement is about as real as when I looked in a mirror while on ecstasy and saw my face melt into a puddle of rainbows. So, say goodbye to marijuana and magical mushrooms — dating a liar is its own special trip.
Your friends will love him. No need to worry about your pals approving of your beau, because liars are charming as fuck. He will make everyone melt with his constant compliments and outrageous stories that you will later learn were lies. Just make sure you DO NOT tell your friends that your boyfriend lies and that you argue all the time and that you feel like you’re falling apart, because then they will hate him and try to convince you that, “You’re better than this.” After you break up, you and your friends will have a blast recalling all the suspicious things he said. Like, when my best friend told me, “I did think it was weird that he was broke but had also won a Latin Grammy,” and I was like, “[Even though] he’s not a musician nor is he Latino!” And then we laughed and laughed and laughed (once I was done rocking in the corner, screaming, “Why, dear God, why did I waste all those years?”).
You become really creative. Your lying boyfriend ain’t the only thespian in this relationship. You, too, will become a good actor and writer when you realize you’re also crafting stories. You will be lying every time you make a false threat of, “If you betray me again, we are done,” and then stay. You will be lying every time you tell your therapist, friends, and family that, “It’s not that bad.” You will be lying to yourself when you think, “My love will change him,” when what you really need is self-love and to change yourself.
You’ll get over him fast. Once you break up (for real), you won’t miss your liar boyfriend because, conveniently, you never knew who he was anyway.
You will learn to never compromise yourself again. When we first broke up, I felt so much “How could I have been so stupid?!” shame. I was, not only embarrassed, but scared to share my story because of how it might affect my ex. This is one of the symptoms of dating an emotionally abusive person: Even after you break up, you sometimes still feel responsible for their feelings. I know, in order for him to lie that much, he has to be in an incredible amount of pain, and I don’t want anyone to be in pain. However, you have to share to get over the shame. The more I shared, the more I realized I wasn’t alone — so many people have lost themselves in all sorts of unhealthy relationships. So, if you’re dating a liar, or have dated a liar, please don’t be ashamed. Don’t be ashamed that someone took advantage of your beautiful kindness. Please give yourself time to reconnect to your intuition. One of the best (real) benefits of dating a liar is that you develop an incredibly low tolerance for future bullshit. Please don’t ever stop being empathetic: Empathy is a wonderful and special thing. Just be careful to not be empathetic at your own expense.