Love Is Blind’s S4 Is Its Messiest Season, But Also Its Most Realistic

Spoilers ahead for episodes 1-5. There’s a particular moment in Love Is Blind season 4 that indicates that things might be different this time around than in previous years. In episode four, Zack Goytowski — a criminal defense lawyer from Seattle — and his betrothed finally meet face-to-face for the first time. It’s the usual LIB schtick: The doors open, the pair run to each other and embrace. But this time his fiancée Irina Solomonova says, “You have like the blankest stare in your eyes…You look like a fictional character. You look like something out of a cartoon,” later telling him “it’s creepy.” To be fair, Zack is staring at her very intensely; studying her like he’s not exactly sure who the person is that emerged from behind the pods. And as the newly engaged couple sits beside each other in virtual silence, it’s the first visceral sign to viewers — and probably Zack — that maybe he’s chosen the wrong person. 

This is something we’ve seen before in the series. In season 1, Diamond Jack and Carlton Morton dramatically parted ways after a fight in Mexico. In season 2, Shayne Jansen and Shaina Hurley had a connection that lasted outside of the pods and seriously upset his then-fiancée Natalie Lee. It makes for interesting TV. But the difference is that Zack and Irina do something about it before the altar, breaking up at the end of episode 5 before leaving Mexico (they’ve spent the entire vacation sleeping with a pillow fort between them), and — as teased in the season promos — Zack pursues another option within the experiment after the pods. And they’re not the only couple who’ll deal with emotional back-and-forth and partner swapping throughout the course of the season. In the same batch of episodes, we see Kwame Appiah meet one of the women who turned him down in the pods face-to-face and struggle with his need for closure and validation of the relationship. It’s a mess, but it’s also super realistic — because dating IRL is messy. And ultimately, it’s this mess, uncertainty, and romantic floundering outside of the pods that makes season 4 arguably the show’s best yet, because in the chaos of this uncertainty, it’s also the most relatable. 

To be clear, relatability is probably the word that would least describe this series — and it’s lacking in pretty much every reality dating show as of late. The Bachelor has 25 women vying for the attention of one mediocre man, Perfect Match puts relationship-averse hotties from across the Netflix universe against each other on an island, and Love Is Blind is based around the premise that two people can meet, fall in love, get engaged, and eventually married all without seeing each other face-to-face. It’s a tactic meant to cut through the BS of modern-dating, usually based initially on physical connection and matching people who may not typically go for each other IRL. And we’ve seen it work on the show. Season 1 fan fave couple Cameron Hamilton and Lauren Speed are still married after four years, and season 4 has Tiffany Pennywell and Brett Brown, who, despite some very minor hiccups (Tiffany fell asleep during the date Brett said “I love you”), by the end of the first batch of episodes are clearly cemented as *the* couple of the season. 

And while a fairytale romance that overlooks the physical is thrilling to watch on screen, it’s also pretty unique. The reality is that dating isn’t that straightforward and linear for many of us. It's actually pretty messy and uncertain; and more than that, it’s impacted by real world factors. And yes, that includes a physical connection.

Despite what shows like LIB may profess, physical attraction is still a very important thing for many people. Who among us hasn’t gone on a Hinge date with someone who is seemingly perfect for you on paper, and you have great, deep emotional conversations with, only to meet in person or share a kiss and have that sizzle turn into a complete fizzle? You can practically see the connection peter out within moments of Irina and Zack meeting in person — and that’s totally okay. Outside of physical connection, other factors come into play, too, like how they get along with your friends, how they react when there’s conflict, whether or not their lifestyle is the same as yours, or whether or not they shave their arms and legs (a Zack tendency that irked Irina). And these should be factored in alongside emotional compatibility and connection. “A lot of us had similar conflicts that not everybody here did where we're dating multiple people at the same time and we're trying to figure out who they are without ever interacting with them in the real world,” Zack tells Refinery29. “And that's kind of a challenging thing to do. Because anybody can get behind a wall and say they’re someone, it's only once the wall is lifted and you live with them in the real world that you find out who they are.” 

The fact of the matter is that, despite LIB’s fairytale premise, it doesn’t have the greatest track record with couples and connections forged in this way. After season 1, which had two couples walk down the aisle (they’re both still together), none of the season 2 couples are still together (there were two divorces), and season 3 had a cheating scandal. Perhaps knowing that, it feels like this season’s singles come in with more strategy, or at least the understanding that they have to be strategic in figuring out if this person *actually* fits into their lives outside of an emotional connection forged in the pods. 

While the Shayne/Shaina debacle felt forced, or like a guy who wasn’t ready to settle down looking for ways out, the exploration of different connections feels intentional and more thoughtful this season. And it’s this reason why exploring potential connections with other people shouldn’t necessarily be frowned upon (as long as they’re not, like the Vanderpump Rules cast, straight up cheating), because as in the real world, figuring out what you have with and connect on with other people can help you figure out what is lacking for you in a current relationship. This was the case with Irina and her brief connection with Paul Peden, who’s engaged to Irina’s friend Micah Lussier. As Irina emphasises to Refinery29, while she had no intention of pursuing Paul romantically (Irina and Micah are still BFFs), meeting him and feeling like they had good energy and stimulating conversation was eye-opening, because it made her realise that was something natural missing from her current relationship. “That was something I was trying so hard to have with Zack,” she says. “Seeing Paul just made me realise what I didn't have with Zack and what I wanted in my future husband.”

Which is why watching Irina and Zack frankly — and brutally — hash out their real feelings for each other after calling off their engagement (“it’s been fucking horrible,” in the words of Zack; for her part, Irina told Zack she was going to leave when she first saw him), was so refreshing. They both understand that the end result of this experience is serious, and are acknowledging and working towards what they both desire and need in someone who they’re going to walk down the aisle with. And often that realisation only comes from dating around or seeing other people — which, yes, can be a little messy. As Irina said shortly before she and Zack first saw each other outside of the pods: “I want to be madly crazy in love or nothing at all.” And she didn’t get. “I feel like I had to do what's best for me, and I don't regret anything in that sense,” she tells Refinery29. “And I think that's amazing that everyone kind of did what was best for themselves and didn't pressure or push themselves to do something that wasn't right for them, even if it was a little rocky or turned out bad. Everything happens for a reason.” 

At the end of the day, isn’t that what we really want from these reality dating shows? Yes, we want the drama and a little bit of schadenfreude, but if declining viewership and conversations around the authenticity of The Bachelor franchise are any indication, we also want something that feels relatable — or at least not entirely orchestrated behind-the-scenes by producers to *appear* relatable or authentic. And that’s what we get with season 4. Watching Irina and Zack go back-and-forth with their emotions or Kwame looking for closure in his relationship with Micah is understandable, and gives us permission to do the same in our own lives, and feel okay about it. “It's real,” Chelsea Griffin, who’s engaged to Kwame by the end of episode 5, tells Refinery29: “This show cultivates real connection, real love…authentically at its core this show does want you to find love in the truest form for yourself.”

So yes, it’s messy, but haven’t we all said our dating lives — the cringe-worthy Hinge convos, over-the-top ghosting, and chaoticness — are ripe for a reality TV show?