You Can Now Officially Clean Your House With A Diptyque Candle

I never thought I'd use the word "luxury" to describe cleaning products. In fact, tidying up my apartment is one of my least luxurious obligations. However, one does not mention the famed, status-defining Parisian parfumerie Diptyque without sprinkling opulent adjectives into their sentence like bacon bits in a Caesar salad. So, you can understand the cognitive dissonance that clouded my brain as I held the brand's debut — you guessed it — luxury cleaning product collection La Droguerie in my glove-adorned hands, which will be available in Australia exclusively online at Mecca from the 28th of June.

The entire line consists of an odour-removing Diptyque candle, dishwashing liquid, a dish brush, a multi-surface cleaner, a scented ceramic for fabric, some leather and wood lotion, and handy product refills. When it arrived, the package's aroma (I received everything minus the dishwashing liquid, dish brush, and refills) transported me to an enchanted forest comprised of lush coniferous trees, fresh lavender sprigs, and unusual yet complementary tangerines. But fragrant does not equal effective, so I placed my skeptic hat atop my head and put all four home cleaning goods up against my apartment.

Despite its vast offerings of niche perfumes, scented jewelry, body care, home decor, and more, Diptyque is most famous for its aesthetic, deliciously potent luxury candles. One can usually recognise the brand by smell before sight — and those jumbled black serif letters trapped inside that stark white squoval label are iconic. With La Droguerie we can now take those famed candles and use them to clean our toilets.

According to Diptyque representatives, the new home cleaning goods combine "effectiveness with respect for the environment" as well as "style with subtle fragrances." The Multi-Purpose Cleaner, for example, cleanses with vinegar but leaves a lovely trail of lavender, cedar, and fig notes upon drying. There is also a literal candle in the mix that removes odours with, per its on-site description, "technology that targets and eliminates the molecules responsible for unpleasant odours." As for the rest of the line, you'll find a fragrant ceramic for fabric that repels moths while showering your clothes in sexy aromas, a citrus dishwashing liquid crafted to cut through grease, and, lastly, some nourishing beeswax lotion for all things leather and wood. Select items are Ecocert-certified and feature refillable packaging.

As for my critique criteria, I decided that a cleaning product priced on the market for over $10 and residing on Diptyque's fancy shelves should be three things: fragrant, functional, and fabulous. By "fragrant" I mean unique, compelling, and lovely smelling but not nauseating or... odd (some smells just do not signify cleanliness like, let's say, a sugary fruity scent). "Functional" is self-explanatory — does it do as it is advertised? And finally, "fabulous" because I can only imagine someone viewing the price tag and scoffing, "For $61, that spray had better do my laundry!" or something along those cheesy lines. So those formulas ought to work some serious magic.

Fragrance: 9
Function: 8
Fabulousness: 10

When on-site Nordstrom reviewer KenShew awarded this spray a humbling two stars, titled their review "Smells AWFUL, Bottle is cool," and eloquently quipped, "Made my whole house just smell like vinegar…the bottle looks nice on [the] counter, so may be worth it to dump it out and use [the] bottle," I felt utterly gaslit. Did I miss something? Do I not know what vinegar smells like? Do I need to see a rhinologist? Because the aroma of this multipurpose cleaner is no less than phenomenal. It's not the definition of "fresh," it is the embodiment of it. If "fresh" were a human being, this would be their signature scent.

The amalgamation of soft lavender, earthy cedar, and sweet fig with a crisp, light touch of vinegar leaves the lightest tingle in the noise that builds trust — I believed this liquid would not only produce a nice fragrance but also eliminate grime. And it did. I took off two function points because nothing spectacular happened with the cleaning. I achieve the same results with my under-$5 cleaners. And I docked a point on the scent because it said goodbye after a good hour. Nonetheless, the experience rivalled Sharpay's famous number in High School Musical. I do agree with KenShew, however: The bottle is definitely cool (and worth refilling).

Fragrance: 8
Function: 7
Fabulousness: 9

Lighting Diptyque candles is an experience. Alas, as I lit it, I spilled a good portion of melted wax on my hand. And, wow, my hand smells amazing as well as my kitchen-dining-living room. My only squabble with the candle — despite its combo of basil, mint, and tomato leaf — is that the scent doesn't scream "kitchen," nor did it fully refresh the room. My apartment took on a sweet, detergent-esque aroma as opposed to a spicier, earthy one. It did disperse some, but not all, of the sulphur smell in my apartment 30 minutes after I finished my hardboiled eggs.

Fragrance: 10
Function:10
Luxury: 10

At the top of its Diptyque class is the ceramic — aka the retailer's label come to life. I do not have experience with these scented trinkets, but the idea is genius, and I wish I knew sooner. Its description claims "it perfumes intimate spaces with warm, dense notes of cedar wood and brighter accords of lavender scents," and yes, yes it does. Its fragrance was also specifically concocted to perturb hungry moths. I placed it in my medium closet, closed the door for the night, and was met with a gust of perfumed comfort in the morning upon opening. Pretty impressive for a 3-inch-long stone. Plus, its somewhat frivolous nature made it all the more fabulous. (Nothing screams luxury like a lack of necessity.)

Fragrance: 10
Function: 7
Luxury: 10

I've never seen a man care about his wood floors like my father, so I had some idea of this lotion's purpose in life. Per Diptyque's instructions, one should pour the lotion onto a dry cloth and apply to wood furniture and leather goods two to four times a year for peak protection. Did it make my cabinet shine bright like a diamond or achieve Lil Mama levels of gloss? No. But I do not care. That cabinet smelled like a fairy tale. If every furniture retailer dipped its lumber-based pieces in this solution you wouldn't even blink at Lush's aromatic store. The cabinet looks and feels more moisturised in person, so it's not useless. I'm thinking that this bottle is the secret to a luxe-smelling home — but, unlike the spray, the scent is strong and long-lasting. So allergy-ridden folx, beware.

Fragrance: 10
Function: 8
Luxury: 1,000

Imagine your favourite out-of-touch, disillusioned rich-lady character: Malory Archer, Lucille Bluth, Marie-Antoinette, Cher Horowitz, etc. This cleaning line would be the only supplies in their maids' cleaning carts. So I recommend to those who sustain their life force with the occasional impractical purchase, know a Diptyque fanatic with a birthday coming up, or were born with expensive taste and a budget that can handle it. Sceptic hat off, approval hat on.