MAFS Recap 2024 Episode 35: I’ve Got An Affection Erection For Lauren Telling Jono Off

It's here. We're at the final two episodes of the 2024 season of Married At First Sight. We're at the end! The final vows are here! Time has honestly flown by, but with so much drama still left on the table (ahem, Jono and Lauren), these final vows will likely be more chaotic than ever. Can I get a hell yeah?!

Tonight, we're seeing if the first three couples will decide whether they'll stay together beyond the MAFS experiment. I am begging to see Jono and Lauren in tonight's ep, please. I need to watch her shred him. Meanwhile, the trailer hints at Jack blindsiding Tori, which, if my gut is correct, essentially means that he won't be blindsiding her.

We start off with Ridge and Jade, who are all goo-goo-ga-ga over each other... until Ridge says that he got an "affection erection" for Jade after the honesty boxes. Well, that's... one way to put it. He tells Jade that he's started looking for jobs in Queensland and she's like oh damn. They watch a video of their wedding (which I'm guessing was a whole two-ish weeks ago?). Then they say seeya until the final vows.

Then, FINALLY — we're with Jono and Lauren. They spill that the two of them fought even more after the dinner party and that things are NOT. GOOD. Lauren looks exhausted and says that Jono is like Patrick Bateman from American Psycho, which is certainly a vision. Meanwhile, we cut to a SMILING Jono who says that he's excited "to get out of the shit show".

Of course, the two of them, who are living in separate apartments, are given a video of their wedding, set to sparkly music (which Lauren laughs at). We see that Jono says that he has a good sense of humour, and I'm left wondering where this alleged humour was all season. Jono says that he thought the experts had found him "the one" and wonders how they got to the stage they're at now. Well, it began with a text message, Jono. Then about one hundred more text messages. Lauren, always an icon, reflects on the video and says that Jono was "boring as ever". Meanwhile, Jono 'thanks' the experts for rubbing it in his face for "how bad it is now". Don't blame the experts, mate.

Then we get a montage of the shit show that has been the coupling of Jack and Tori this season, with Tori reiterating that she's "falling in love" with Jack. Oh boy. They say bye bye, and Tori says she'll miss him, while Jack simply says, "Thanks for the ride," and that he can't wait to leave the experiment. Ruh roh.

Everyone arrives back home without their spouses, contemplating whether they want to be together 4eva. Ridge tells his friend that he's found love with Jade, so let's consider them a lock in the final vows. Meanwhile, Jade talks to her mum about Mr. Deece and how much she likes him, but her mum quickly reminds her that it's only been five weeks (okay, so maybe more than the two weeks I predicted). Mum says she needs to think this through and contemplate whether he's actually ready to be a dad, getting all teary at the prospect of her being hurt. Bless your heart, mumma.

Then it's the day. It's time for the final vows between Jade and Ridge. Ridge stands there in a suit by Sydney Harbour as Jade rocks up, looking hot to trot. Ridge starts the vows, thanking her for helping him mature from a BOIIZ BOY to a big man, sharing that he's "100% obsessed" with Jade. Finally, he shares that he's ready to move to the Gold Coast in the next three months and is ready to start their future together. Is that me... getting goosebumps? It couldn't be.

Then it's Jade's turn. Jade's speech starts off a little brutal, explaining that she struggled to see Ridge's potential at the beginning of the experiment and worried about his lack of maturity, highlighting that she doesn't want to be a parent to her partner. Jade says that her daughter is the most important thing to her and that she's worried about him running away from her. It's all very neggy so far, but then we get some UPLIFTING music, and we know that Jade is about to be like, Ridge is deece. Then Jade reveals that she's "all in" and that the "experts got it right".

The success story of the season! Jade and Ridge! Who have just gotten... remarried? They leave hand in hand, ready to start their life together. It's cute as punch and I just knowwwwwww these two are still together today.

Then it's showtime, baby! Lauren and Jono are here! It's all about to begin! Lauren reflects on their relo and realises it was actually mostly shit, while Jono says that the further he gets away from Lauren, the better he feels. Oh yikes. He reckons Lauren has made things look worse than they are, which is just phenomenal given *spoiler alert* we know Jono and Ellie are together after the experiment ends.

We get a montage of Jono calling Ellie "lovely" a thousand times and the two of them having many a giggle during the experiment. Lauren says that the next thing Jono is going to do is ask for "feet pics" from her, and I can't. Jono still maintains that everything is innocent and that he and Ellie are barely even friends. I'm screeching. This is too good. Jono says the final vows are going to be a "horribly awkward experience" that he's "not looking forward to" and that has to be the understatement of the century.

They arrive, Lauren says hello, while Jono blanks her. And yep, this is going to be bad.

Jono starts first and shares how the first day he met her was one of the best days he'd had in years. He says that he thought that he had found his match in the experiment (referring to Lauren, not Ellie, surprisingly). Then he launches in, criticising her for calling him boring and robotic and for not respecting him. He says that in Perth, he felt sooooo close to Lauren and that he "saw hope" (to which Lauren chuckles). Then he finally brings up texting Ellie and says that Lauren was "lying to the group to make [him] look bad", and at that stage, Lauren laughs, I laugh, we all laugh. What a comedian!

Finally, it's Lauren's turn. Get him, girl. Lauren starts off by saying that she thought the experts got it right initially, and that she thought she could see a future with him during Homestay Week. Then she reads him to filth: "You had been continuing to build some kind of relationship with another bride, one that you hid from me, then had the audacity to blame me for when you were exposed." Boom.

"Instead of taking accountability at the final dinner party, you tried to flip the script on me, blame me for not caring and never like you, and not being here for the right reasons," Lauren continues. "You taught me that I should always trust my gut... no, it's not me, it's you."

And just like that, Lauren walks out with her head held high. It's stunning. Beautiful. A cinematic masterpiece. Our queen. Our overlord. Jono, on the other hand, says that he's "tired of apologising for things [he] hasn't even done." Jono thinks he deserves a "special someone" and is going to go out searching for her. Don't worry mate, you won't have to look far.

Lord, please take us to the reunion RIGHT. NOW.

I never thought there would be a couple more chaotic than Jack and Tori, so much so that it feels like we're calming down jumping from Lauren and Jono's ceremony to these two. But alas, we're with Tori and her mum (who is a spitting image of her!) and they chat about how much Tori likes Jack. Meanwhile, Jack meets up with YET ANOTHER CLIENT at the pub. STOP MEETING UP WITH CLIENTS! THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS! He talks about how into him Tori is, yet seemingly not speaking about how into Tori he is. Tori's mum is concerned that she's giving up everything for Jack, while he is only giving up half of his bed.

We cut to a pondering Jack with his hair down, looking like it's been freshly blown out by a Dyson. Jack reiterates that he's attracted to the submissive type (I wonder why?) and says that he doesn't want to waste anyone's time if it's not gonna work out. We get a slow-mo of him, bare-chested and putting a shirt on, but I'm begging for them to speed the video up x3. Tori says that she's falling in love with Jack and doesn't think he will reject her. And oh boy, I don't like where this is goinnngggggg. At allllll.

Then they finally approach the altar for their final vows. I am tense. It's about to happen, but NO. NO! IT'S THE END OF THE EPISODE. HOW DAREEEEEEEEEEEE THEY.

We get a sneak peak into tomorrow's episode, which shows part two of the final vows including Jayden and Eden, Tim and Sara, and of course, Jack and Tori, featuring a robotic Jack reciting his final vows. I was sure they'd make it through, but now, I'm not too sure.

Jono, are you really out here still saying you've done nothing wrong? Puh-lease.

There was only one couple by the end of this ep, so I guess by default it automatically goes to Jade and Ridge (they were cute as heck though, so they deserve it).

Queen Lauren, for tearing Jono a new one. <3