Romance Fraud Is Surging Among Young Women & It’s Down To The Cost Of Living Crisis

As an internet-savvy 23-year-old, Sarah* never expected to become a victim of romance fraud. When she began using a gaming app in the summer of 2020, it was simply a much-needed release from the boredom of the pandemic. "I was isolated for longer than my friends due to a medical condition," she says. "The game was a really nice hobby and it felt like a way for me to connect with others." She soon met Tom*, a fellow gamer from the States who was the same age as her. Slowly they built a friendship, which developed into flirting. They shared plenty of common interests, including games and music taste, which led Sarah to believe they might be the perfect match. "He was so attentive and I started to like him a lot. He gave me loads of compliments and talked about how much he wanted to meet me." 

Before long they’d exchanged numbers, though she found it strange that he was never available to talk on the phone. "The flags were there but I was lonely and I wanted to trust him," she says. "He seemed like such a great match for me in so many ways and I was hopeful that we could meet in person after the pandemic." A few months into their online relationship, he started to share his financial woes with her. "I knew he wasn’t working but as we were both so young I assumed that’s why he was struggling. He never explicitly asked me for money but he did tell me that he was hungry and couldn’t afford to buy groceries. I felt so bad that I offered him some help." Over the next few weeks, she sent around $750 to Tom, before her friends began questioning their relationship. 

"They were really suspicious so I researched the email that was linked to his profile," she says. "Some further digging showed that it was actually a young woman the same age as me." Although Sarah had a sneaking suspicion that something "felt off" she was devastated by the truth. "I confronted her straightaway. She tried to say I was crazy and gaslit me but eventually confessed it was true. I discovered that she had a boyfriend via Facebook and she admitted she’d been using the money to travel to see him." Over the next few months, Sarah tried to demand her money back but received no response. Finally, she got in contact with the woman’s boyfriend via social media and explained the situation. Although he wasn’t aware of what had been happening, he was apologetic and pushed his partner into returning the money. Despite getting it back, the damage to Sarah’s confidence was already done. "Ever since this happened I’ve found it really hard to trust people." 

Although it’s rare for people to share their stories of romance fraud, especially young women, Sarah’s experience is far from unique. While official figures show that millions were lost to romance scams in 2022, experts believe the true amount could be much higher, as it’s an underreported crime — and the risk of romance fraud has grown even further in the past year due to the cost of living crisis.

Lisa Mills, a romance fraud expert, says that the crime differs from other scams and recommends that anyone entering online friendships and relationships remains vigilant. "Romance fraudsters might pretend that the cost of living crisis has plunged them into debt or that money troubles caused by the crisis mean they’re in desperate need of a cash injection to get by," she says. "The other impact of the cost of living crisis on romance fraud victims is that losing any amount of money, when it’s harder than ever to get by, is even more devastating. We’re supporting people for whom the combined effect of the scam and the cost of living crisis has meant they’re struggling to afford basic essentials like food and heating. The implications of losing money are worse than ever."

In recent years, romance fraud cases have been associated with a specific type of victim, often an older person who doesn’t have that much experience with online life. Mills says this is a huge misconception. "Last year we saw a 38% rise in the number of romance fraud victims we supported, of which 60% were women. With more people being targeted, the risk of being victimised goes up for everyone, including younger women. Young people also often believe that they could never be a victim of romance fraud but this can actually make them more vulnerable, because the idea that the person they’re talking to online is a scammer becomes completely unfathomable, and they don’t know the signs to look out for." She adds that being 'tech-savvy' doesn’t protect people from romance fraud. "It involves emotional manipulation — and it’s a form of online grooming. Sadly, we can all be susceptible to this and [being] technologically astute doesn’t make you immune."

Ross Martin, a head of digital safety, says there are a number of red flags to look out for on social media and dating sites. They include profiles with only one or no photo, glamorous photos showing off a lavish lifestyle, very speedy responses, early declarations of love, refusing to meet in person or sending website links to learn more about them. "The biggest red flag is if someone starts asking you for money, whether it’s for a perceived emergency or an investment opportunity. You should always question why someone might be asking you for funds, and always consult a person you trust for a second opinion."

Despite the fact that romance fraud is becoming more common, people are still reluctant to open up about their experiences due to the immense shame it causes. Sarah admits she "felt horrible" after her ordeal because she’d ignored the signs. "I had been too nice and trusting so I ended up being really mad at myself. I was very lonely at the time and really wanted a connection." Since then she’s become much more cautious and no longer uses apps where it’s hard to identify a person. "I’m focused on travel now and have taken time out from dating. Luckily my friends have really supported me and reassured me that it wasn't my fault. In the past, I know I’ve been too much of a people pleaser. I’d say this, combined with my loneliness, put me at risk of being scammed." 

Samantha Cooper, a romance fraud private investigator, says that part of the reason people feel ashamed after romance fraud is due to society’s judgmental, victim-blaming mentality. "Victims of romance fraud are often kind and trusting, which are wonderful qualities to have," she says. "If we could change the public’s perception of this crime I feel a lot more people would come forward and we could better understand the true statistics." She believes that more minor cases, where people are losing smaller sums of cash, aren’t being reported at all due to shame and stigma. "If someone buys something on eBay and they open it up and get a brick inside, they’d be happier to tell that story. But when there is emotion involved, people really do close down on it and find it a struggle to speak up." Cooper adds that it can be hard to speak up about any romantic relationship that goes wrong, something that’s magnified in cases of romance fraud. "Whether it’s liking someone more than they like you, getting divorced or just being too keen, people often feel ashamed of their actions and feelings in romance. Everyone is so keen to judge, label and blame people for relationship mistakes, it makes it hard to be open and honest."

Like Mills, she warns that romance fraud is showing no sign of abating. "People think it will never happen to them but in reality it can happen and at any age," she says. While younger women might be more tech-savvy, she argues that anyone can let their guard down — especially on social media. "You’re connected to the world but you’re in a safe space at home in the bath or your pyjamas, meaning you lose the sense of vigilance you might have in the outside world. At the same time, dating apps are doing nothing to try and prevent these crimes. I hope that the world can become less judgmental so that we can start to see a more honest depiction of how these crimes are affecting people so that we can better prevent it."

*Name changed to protect identity