Actually, Now Is The Best Time For Celebrities To Rehash Old Drama

Taylor Swift and Kim Kardashian West dove into a four-year-old feud this past weekend when somebody leaked the full, unedited recording of Swift's 2016 call with Kanye West about her mention in his song "Famous." In the recording, Swift is somewhat vindicated. It's clear she was never told about being called a "bitch," and that she cautioned West about the misogyny of the lyric. When Swift addressed the leak on her Instagram Stories, though, she was flirty about it. She wrote that she didn't want to give this feud the time of day in the midst of a pandemic, but if she were to, this is what she'd say. In response, Kim also stressed that there were more important things going on, but twist her arm, here's her take. Well here's mine: Actually, there has never been a better time for celebrities to finally get to the bottom of petty drama.

Swift and Kim don't want to fight over Instagram out of fear of...distracting me from the fact that there's a worldwide crisis? Oh, no! What will I do if ten minutes of my day aren't spent thinking about the CDC's latest statistics? Don't worry, for the other 23 hours and 50 minutes, I'm refreshing the New York Times and washing my hands and figuring out when I can next see my family. But while we're all stuck at home, exhausting our Netflix queue and sinking deeper into quarantine sadness, the very least celebrities could do for us is stop singing "Imagine" and instead give us some closure to the meaningless arguments of yore that fizzled out on Twitter and were washed away with the next news cycle before we got a satisfying conclusion.

I, of course, don't want to cause celebrities emotional harm. I simply think that there are so many juicy, interpersonal tidbits about celebrities' personal lives that get lost in the sands of time. Wouldn't we feel silly if, once this quarantine is over, we didn't use it productively? In that vein, here are my suggestions for public celebrity quarrels that deserve to be addressed while we're all doing nothing but scrolling Instagram:

How this bad blood started, we don't know, all I know is one day it was 2018 and Kim Cattrall was calling Sarah Jessica Parker "cruel" and accusing her of "exploiting" the death of Cattrall's brother by publicly sending her condolences. Cattrall then linked to a New York Post article from 2017, which was published in the midst of the very public dissipation of a third Sex And The City movie. Reports blamed Cattrall for axing the film, whereas Cattrall told Piers Morgan in an interview that Parker "could have been nicer." Anything before then is just muddled hearsay about on-set tensions. Let's get to the bottom of this, so when quarantine is over, Sex And The City 3 production can finally commence.

This 2018 issue seems to have been put to bed, but I won't rest until Jordyn Woods is back in Kylie Jenner's house. I'm inclined to believe Woods's account of her alleged kiss with Tristan Thompson, who was dating Khloé Kardashian at the time after she gave birth to their child, True: They were drunk, it happened once, and Thompson was the instigator. This behaviour would be consistent with Thompson's past cheating scandals, so why does it seem as if Woods got the brunt of the anger? I can only assume it's because there's more to the story, and I'd like to hear it back-and-forth on Instagram Stories, please.

The last time we dug into this, a whole secret child was revealed. Who's to say what we'd find this time?