Be Real — Has WFH Turned You Into A Lunchtime Masturbator?

Of all the changes we’ve experienced this year, the blending of home and workspace is probably the most physically, emotionally, and philosophically overwhelming. Once upon a time, the majorly urban professional class poured energy into maximizing their mornings – squeezing in workouts, coffee-making, skincare, and outfit-picking, before commuting to arrive at their offices fully dressed and mentally optimized, ready to take on the day.

Now we roll out of bed, propping ourselves in front of our laptops in varying stages of reluctant undress – working in pyjamas, or a business mullet (professional up top, nothing on the bottom). The line between awake and asleep, at home and at work is beyond blurred at this point. Often for worse, but there might be just one instance where it changed for the better. Over the course of a year, for instance, I’ve noticed our readers reliably flock to a certain kind of story around lunchtime, then again around 3:00 p.m. EST (lunchtime on the West Coast). Stories like “Free Erotic Fiction & Literotica Sex Stories Online” and “Sexual Fantasies – Kinky Sex Ideas for Real Women,” that some loyal readers seem to have in open incognito tabs or even bookmarked to cue up when they take a break.

The only reasonable assumption to make? A lot of people are masturbating during the workday. 

And why not? It’s never been easier to squeeze in a nooner. That said, don’t let the Jeffrey Toobin incident give you the wrong idea. We’re talking about adults having solo fun in the privacy of their own homes, away from the work laptop, in between Zoom calls instead of during them.

Beatrize*, a 28-year old underwriter at an insurance company, first discovered the benefits of midday masturbation shortly after ordering a sex toy with phenomenal reviews. Once it arrived in the mail, she realized nothing was stopping her from testing it out right then and there. As she settled into a work-from-home lifestyle, she learned that masturbating was the perfect remedy to a stressful phone call or an especially trying meeting. “I found it almost immediately gives me a mood boost and allows me to refocus and not let the negative experience impact my whole day,” she says. 

Some people go on a silly little walk. They fetch lunch around the corner or walk their dogs in the middle of the workday to decompress. We can nap during our lunch break, or squeeze in a workout, or watch an episode of a TV show — or triple-check to make sure our laptop camera is off, and have a toe-curling orgasm. Yes, it is technically the workday, which can make the prospect sound a little awkward at first. But the stresses of work are already spilling into our homes, often our bedrooms. Why shouldn’t we take advantage of the relief and relaxation we can only access at home during the workday too?

Amy*, a 23-year-old working in music licensing, uses her lunch break or any other kind of natural pause during the workday for her new routine. Sometimes it happens every day; other weeks are busier and only allow for a handful of sessions. “It’s definitely spontaneous,” she says, “but I try to do it when there’s a break in the action at work and I know I’m not going to be wanking to the sound of me ignoring my boss’s phone calls.”

“At first I was paranoid,” Beatrize says, explaining that she, like Amy, was worried that she’d get a work call the moment she stepped away from her desk. “Then I realized nobody is micromanaging me and I should just let go and enjoy things.” She adds that she has some rules about how and when she does it: “Nothing more than 12 minutes, because after 15 minutes my computer falls asleep and changes my status that is visible to the rest of the company.”

Masturbation is one of those extremely common and human things that are too ubiquitous to ignore, but often too taboo to acknowledge. Work video calls show our coworkers what our private lives look like, who we live with, how our pets move, and how our children act. We show our coworkers how we dress at home, and our Zoom backgrounds reveal so much more than anyone ever intended to reveal to a coworker. While we once commiserated over the quality of the office coffee or the freezing AC at work, now we exchange our experiences adapting to days spent working where we live. But this is one new habit that people are mostly keeping to themselves — with some exceptions. “There's a huge age gap between me and some of my colleagues so I would say it’s taboo to admit,” Beatrize says. “However my coworker who is my age knows... and I believe she has done the same as well!”

If our traffic numbers reveal anything, it’s that more people than you might think are enjoying… themselves around lunchtime. And if your reaction to that news is to be sickened or outraged — maybe it’s because you’re missing out.