Bachelor in Paradise Season 7, Episode 7 Recap: You Can Kick People Off?

Tuesday night’s Bachelor in Paradise had a lot to live up to after Monday’s episode saw the complete collapse of the fourth wall when the truth about Brendan and Pieper being sneaky schemers looking for Instagram followers came out. Tuesday's show delivered, though, by revealing two more (alleged) sneaky schemers — Chris and Alan — on the hunt for clout. And the outcome of this episode took things a step further: fellow contestants successfully kicking the new "wrong reasons" duo right out of Paradise. 

The episode begins with the reveal of new guest host Tituss Burgess. He announces that there’s going to be a party with “VIPs” and that only some of the cast members are invited. And what do ya know, they’ve been strategically chosen to provide maximum drama. 

The attendees are: Becca, Aaron, Noah, Abigail, Kenny, Demi, Chris, Jessenia, Riley, Deandra, James, and Thomas—a combo of couples, singles, and people who are split away from their partner. The party is held in a club-like space at a resort, and includes the introduction of four new women aka the “VIPs”: Chelsea and Alana from Matt’s Bachelor season, and Alayah and Mykenna from Peter’s season. Tituss says something vague about how if these women have a connection with someone they may join the beach. It’s a convenient way for the producers to not have to commit to anything before seeing what drama ensues. So, let’s find out what happened.

Jessenia and Chris both previously said they were hoping to meet each other in Paradise. In fact, Jessenia left Ivan for Chris when he arrived. But, it turns out, Chris has already met Alana a few times outside of the show, and soon after her arrival, they’re already making out. After Jessenia catches them and confronts Chris, he says, “Both of you guys were on my list, but you were my number one.” Dude, you didn't need to say that aloud. Things apparently changed, though, when he saw Alana walk in. And, yeah, they continue to makeout in front of Jessenia during the night. Heartbroken, she leaves the party early. 

The next morning, Chris does a lot of sad beach walking. Riley says his moping is fake and calls him a “clown” with “no honour.” Soon enough, Alana arrives with a date card and invites Chris. He announces to the group that a lot of people will hate him for it, but he’s following his heart and going on the date. In his confessional, Joe says, “Nobody is really going to hate you because nobody cares about you.” Literally everyone on the beach is team Jessenia—as they should be. Chris tries to talk to Jessenia before he leaves and she completely shuts him down. It's beautiful.

Chris and Alana go on their date and discuss how their makeout position will come across on TV. It’s unclear how serious they were being about that, but the show clearly left this in to make them seem even more suspect. Back at the beach, Joe and Jessenia talk about how something needs to be done about schemers like Alana and Chris, because they ruin the point of the show: meeting new people and forging a fresh relationship. (I believe the bigger issue is people purposely screwing over earnest contestants like Natasha and Jessenia, rather than organically screwing each other over, as is the other point of the show.) Joe also says Chris asked him how he became popular; Jessenia says Alana asked her about Instagram followers. 

When Chris and Alana return, Joe, Riley, and Jessenia immediately pull Chris aside and go in on him, demanding answers about his relationship with Alana and how he could screw over Jessenia. Riley tells Chris he knows he’s there for fame, and if he really is happy with Alana, then they should just leave together. “Follow your heart and get the fuck out of Paradise,” Jessenia says. 

Chris has no comeback, and no explanation. He talks with Alana, and is basically like, I gotta get the hell out of here. You can come with me or stay and be miserable. She says she doesn’t want to leave with him because that means you’re in a committed relationship. Girl, this is not the time to double down on the rules of the show. So, they decide to both leave separately, and she's pissed she was there only 24 hours. In a funny moment, Chris opens the door to Alana’s SUV, and she says, “Chris, this is my car,” kicking him out of there, too. 

Meanwhile, Pieper and Brendan didn’t receive the same backlash. (We as viewers know they admitted they were dating and are looking for fame, but the beach goers don't.) Natasha points out the irony at the end of the episode: “I feel the same way Jessenia feels, but yet it’s cool if Brendan gets to explore his already established connection with Pieper. It’s the same thing. You guys feel this strongly about Chris, but you don’t feel this strongly about my situation. What?" Demi calls out the hypocrisy, too, and thankfully, the preview makes it seem like Pieper and Brendan’s moment of reckoning is coming.

In other less-involved goings-on… The morning after the party, Mari tells Kenny she wants to be with him and regrets saying she wanted to go on dates. (Dates, mind you, that she hadn’t actually been asked on yet.) Kenny is a little hesitant about how much he can trust her, but says there’s something “special” about their connection. They both agree that they would both be happy leaving Paradise together right now. (But, like, obviously there’s no need. Unlike with Chris, everyone doesn’t hate them.)

Kenny has to share the news with Demi, who immediately starts going on about how Mari is a mean pageant girl who isn’t as fun as she is. Again, Demi places a lot of emphasis on how she’s a “fun person.” I just want to tell her that she is also more than that and should focus on those things, too! She also brings up the fact that they already had sex and now he wants to be with someone who didn’t always want him. But, nothing she says matters at this point. Kenny and Mari have chosen each other. 

Chelsea arrives with her own date card and a distinct lack of wrong reasons baggage. She asks Aaron on her date. In response, Becca, who has a flirtation with him, jokes to the group, “I’m going home tomorrow. It’s been so fun. Take care!”

Chelsea and Aaron go horseback riding and have a beach picnic. They have a nice, silly rapport. After asking if she kisses with her eyes open (a joke at former Bachelor Matt James’ expense), they start making out. And, yeah, that’s that. Not much to report. Back at the beach, Becca wonders if Paradise just isn’t for her. So naturally…

The producers can’t risk Becca just getting unceremoniously sent home without a date—she’s the first prior Bachelorette contestant. So, she gets a date card. She wants to ask Thomas since they had a good convo at the party, but asks Tammy first since she and Thomas are sort of an item. Becca wants to make sure Tammy won’t hate her for asking him, and Tammy says she should go ahead with confidence. But, when Becca and Thomas leave, Tammy starts crying. She wants Thomas to choose her, but is scared he won’t.

Becca and Thomas have a great time on their dinner date and end up kissing. She calls herself a “smitten kitten”.

When Aaron returns from his date to see Tammy crying, he says, “She deserves to cry,” because Tammy previously left him for Thomas by making out with Thomas right in front of him. That seems unnecessarily harsh, but so does making out with someone who likes you right in front of them, so what do I know. Aaron also finally says that he’s done trying to warn people about Thomas and they can all make their own mistakes. Well, finally. He has been warning people about Thomas across two TV shows over a span of several months.

Other than Alana and Chris, no one. Again, we're left without a rose ceremony.

Number of Matt James Kissing Disses: 2. Both Aaron and Chris both call out his open-eyed kissing.

Most hypocritical moment: Pieper and Brendan offering their two cents about Chris. This included Pieper calling him “scum” for coming on the show with a prior connection to someone when she had a whole relationship.

Best host audition: I have felt that Grocery Store Joe was having a good Bachelor audition this season, but in this episode, he seemed like he could be a solid host. The dude really cares about the integrity of this ridiculous show.

Best use of real-world career: Riley got all lawyer-y when confronting Chris. Way to transition your skills into a new setting, Riley.