3 Things Quarantined Celebs Should Do To Avoid Being The Worst

If you were scrolling through your feed late Wednesday night hoping for a reprieve from the horrifying 24-hour news cycle, you probably came across a clip of celebrities singing John Lennon’s “Imagine” — acapella and off key — that likely made you want to scream into your couch cushions.

The video was spearheaded by Wonder Woman herself, actress Gal Gadot, who posted it on Instagram with the caption, “We are in this together, we will get through it together. Let’s imagine together.” A-listers Natalie Portman, Kristin Wiig, Zoe Kravitz, Will Ferrell and more warble into their phones from wherever they’re self-isolating — their backdrops are their beautiful homes and lush backyards. Aside from the video being three of the most cringe-inducing minutes I have ever had to endure, there is something especially tone-deaf about rich people singing about how “we’re all in this together” while others are worried about making rent and mortgage payments after coronavirus has devastated their finances, cost them their jobs, or forced them to close their businesses. It was inevitable: Celebrities have officially lost their wifi privileges.  

Social media brings out the worst of narcissistic celeb behaviour on a good day. But during a global pandemic, their selfish conduct and obliviousness to the real world is amplified to an irritating degree. Vanessa Hudgens is whining (drunkenly?) about Coachella’s postponement due to COVID-19 by flippantly saying “like yeah, people are going to die, which is terrible... but inevitable?" (She later apologized.) Jennifer Lopez is flaunting her wealth and shilling stilettos. Jared Leto is humble-bragging about emerging from his 12-day desert meditation to a “mind-blowing” new reality. Evangeline Lilly is refusing to self-isolate because, as she wrote on Instagram, “some people value freedom over their lives.” Celebs are bored, have massive platforms, and love attention (which they are not getting with their premieres postponed, their galas cancelled, and their productions on hold), and this has proven to be a dangerous combination. Now that these people are at home alone, idle and without their typical filters, publicists and social media strategy, things are getting weird quickly. 

Sure, laughing at celebrity gaffes in the time of coronavirus can be a fun distraction, but in certain cases, their ignorance is doing more harm than good (Lilly’s message of #businessasusual is as damaging as it is absurd) at a time when we all really need some good. So, since famous people clearly need help navigating their self-isolations, here’s a simple guide to the only three things they should do right now to not be an asshole:

1. Give Money. As far as we know, the “Imagine” video wasn’t for charity. It didn’t come with these celebs pledging to give millions of dollars to COVID-19 research or to the people worrying about how to feed their kids without school meal programs. They were just singing. How embarrassing. If you are a rich person who wants to help during a global pandemic, open your wallets, not just your webcams. If we’re really all in this together, the uber wealthy should feel a responsibility to help the most vulnerable. 

Some celebrities have been very generous — as they should. Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively have pledged $1 million to food banks in the U.S. and Canada that are being hit hard. Ciara and Russell Wilson are also giving to food banks in their community. Steph and Ayesha Curry are providing more than 1-million meals to students. Kristen Bell gave over $100,000 to No Kid Hungry. Celebs, if you’re bored, write a cheque. 

2. Entertain Us. Many celebrities don’t know how to exist in a world without constant attention, so if they must remain visible, they should do what they do best: use their talents to entertain us. I don’t mean speaking nonsense into their front-facing cams, spreading misinformation or making a faux-uplifting, self-righteous music video. I mean they should take a cue from Chris Martin and John Legend, who both performed Instagram live concerts, and just do their jobs online. We’re all stuck inside with little to do so some escapism in the form of entertainment is welcome. Coming through with some light, fun #coronaviruscontent is the least these celebs can do.  

Lizzo did a live meditation with a recorder. A true Queen in a crisis. Pink is giving piano lessons. And Jennifer Garner, Reese Witherspoon, and Amy Adams (who is slightly redeeming herself for participating in “Imagine”) are reading bedtime stories to help #SAVEWITHSTORIES, a collaboration between @savethechildren and @nokidhungry. Witherspoon has also been live-tweeting the premiere episodes of her new HULU series Little Fires Everywhere. Her co-star Joshua Jackson and his wife Jodi Turner-Smith have been sexy-flirting online for our benefit. THIS is the COVID-19 content I signed up for. 

3. Nothing. Seriously, just sitting there and eating your food is always an option. Unless celebrities are doing one of the above, sharing useful information from a medical health professional or updating us on their own coronavirus status (ie: Idris Elba and Tom Hanks), they can just live their rich lives in peace and deal with the fact that no one cares about them for the next little while. It’s OK, celebrities. Attention will be waiting for you on the other side.