Warning: This recap contains major spoilers for season 6, episode 10 of Schitt’s Creek.
The annoying thing about weddings — and there are many — is that there is a lot of lead time and a million steps in between saying "yes" and saying "I do." David Rose seems to be very into every step of the wedding-planning process. I am not. As someone planning a wedding and currently fighting with her partner over the guest list, the opening scene of episode 10 of season 6 of Schitt’s Creek was triggering. David, Moira, and Johnny are having breakfast at the café when Johnny lets it slip that he and David are going to a food-tasting later since paying for the food is his gift to the couple — (“the more you keep mentioning that it’s a gift, the less and less it feels like a gift,” David quips) — and then Johnny accidentally invites Twyla to the wedding. If you’ve never planned a wedding, you probably don’t understand the gravity of this mistake. It’s unforgivable. It is shocking to me how easily David moves past this.
Thankfully, Moira is there to bring some levity to this horrifying situation. “Look at you, John, doling out gift after gift this morning like a Turkish Saint Nicholas,” she croons in a way only she can. It’s rare to see all the Levys (Eugene, David, and Sarah) in one scene and I’m digging the dynamic until Moira interrupts the bit with news of her own. Tippy Bernstein, the executive producer of Moira’s soap opera Sunrise Bay is in town to meet with her. Tippy Bernstein is the most Hollywood producer/agent name I’ve ever heard. I can already tell he’s going to screw Moira over. Before we get the chance to find out more about Tippy, Alexis walks in looking ROUGH. As I predicted last week in my episode 9 recap, Alexis is officially in the post-breakup moping phase. Annie Murphy still looks beautiful in “no makeup” and I’m kind of digging her athlesuire look. I also deeply relate to accidentally losing a piece of fake hair, so when David pulls Alexis’ extension out of her head without her knowing, I cackled in recognition. I feel you, girl.
Back at the motel, Johnny and Roland are greeting their new employees when Stevie rolls up with bad news. The motel has termite damage and the foundation is about to collapse. Queen Ronnie said it, so it must be so. Johnny is concerned about covering the costs to repair the damage. Roland offers to sell his other kidney (the first one went to his cousin) and Stevie offers to call her friend who starts fires for insurance money. “We’re not burning anything down and we’re not selling any organs,” Johnny says bringing some much-needed logic to the conversation. This motel expansion continues to seem like a terrible idea. Also, wouldn’t Ronnie have checked out the foundation before they bought it? Make it make sense, Schitt’s Creek!
We’ll come back to our motel trio’s money woes. More importantly, we need to talk about the flashback footage of Moira Rose in Sunrise Bay, the soap opera about fictional hospital Sunrise General. Alexis is in bed binging old episodes, as one does, and the show within our show is as batshit as the past descriptions have made it out to be. Victor Garber guest stars as Clifton Sparks, Moira’s old co-star, in a performance that may be the first guest appearance that deserves its own Emmy recognition. He is the perfect parody of every soap opera villain and washed-up TV star clinging to relevance. In the episode Alexis is watching, Garber as Sparks is trying to get Moira’s character Vivian, the chief of surgery at Sunrise General, to poison herself so she’s no longer possessed by her father, the former chief of surgery at Sunrise General. If this sounds too absurd even for Schitt’s Creek, this one time on Passions, a witch named Tabitha made it out of a tsunami by surfing on a door. Alexis offers to come with Moira for her meeting with Tippy but since she’s still in her sweats and stream-all-day mode, Moira insists against it.
At the café, Tippy (played by Saul Rubinek) surprises Moira with Clifton Sparks in the flesh. Moira is wearing a shiny, long-sleeved dress with structured shoulders, multiple statement necklaces, and leather fingerless gloves but she says, “had I known you were both coming, I’d have dressed for the occasion.” HA. In the years since Moira has last seen him, Clifton Sparks has given up drinking (except for wine and scotch, he says proudly) and starred in nothing but his own real-life legal drama with his estranged daughter. In other words, he’s a has-been. Tippy announces that they want to reboot Sunrise Bay as a primetime series and — wait for it — Nicole Kidman is attached (fun fact: she’s actually a big Schitt’s Creek fan IRL). Moira doesn’t believe them at first, but when Tippy and Clifton assure her the offer is legit, Moira takes her contract to read over and share the good news with Alexis.
Alexis is still deep in her Sunrise Bay binge (relatable) and when Moira comes home, she questions why she was killed off in such a humiliating way. “You vomited a demon into a toilet, then fell in and drowned,” Alexis recaps. “And then they shredded you.” Alexis also reveals that fans think that Clifton had Moira written off the show because he was jealous. And she has receipts. There is video of Clifton (Victor Garber in a hysterical wig) drunkenly slurring at the camera that there can only be one head of surgery at Sunrise General. This is the second week in a row that Schitt’s Creek has reminded me of Grey’s Anatomy and now I demand a crossover.
When Moira tells Alexis about the reboot, she’s skeptical. “You are the only person in the cast making headlines right now.” Moira is still riding high on the Crows movie success and Clifton is a nobody who thinks he’s a somebody. Alexis warns her about working with him again. This scene isn’t the funniest but it’s a tender moment between a publicist and her client (aka a daughter and her mother) about advocating for your worth. “There is nothing wrong with asking for what you deserve,” Alexis says. PREACH.
Later, when Moira shows up to the bar to meet Tippy and Clifton for contract negotiations, she’s wearing her Sunrise Bay wig. We stan a petty queen. Until now, Moira thinks that she was written off the show because of contract negotiations. When Clifton brings up her contract, Moira realizes that Alexis was right, and Clifton actually had her written off the show. For every woman that has ever been paid less than a man for doing the same job, Moira ends the conversation with multiple soap-opera slaps to Clifton in the face — each one more satisfying than the last.
As for Johnny and his money problems, he goes to the tasting for David’s wedding and basically balks at every price – despite the deliciousness of the beef tenderloin. Later, when David confronts Johnny about the cost of his wedding food and offers to let Patrick’s parents pay for it (they had a nest egg set aside for the straight wedding Patrick never had), Johnny reluctantly gives in to letting them pay for an extra table.
When Roland and Johnny decide they are going to sell the second motel and start over, Stevie suggests they buy more motels and franchise the Rosebud. Huh? I am not a businesswoman, but I don’t understand how buying 20 more motels solves the problem of these three having no money. Johnny mentions something about an investor but, um, what? Who is this mystery investor? Where are they getting the money? What is happening with the termites? Make it make sense, Schitt’s Creek! Johnny is very happy (smiling Eugene Levy brings me the most joy) and acting like Stevie has saved the day so I’m just going to let them have this.
Other Things We Gave A Schitt About This Episode
Who Was The Schitt?
I’m going to give this one to Eugene Levy as Johnny Rose. He had to go through all the emotions of feeling like a father disappointing his kid and also feeling like a failed businessman. Both worked out in the end (seriously, please explain to me HOW?) but the range Eugene Levy gave us this episode was really lovely.
Best Pre-Schitt Name Drop & A Moment for Moira’s Wigs
The best pre-Schitt moments in the episode also included Moira’s wigs so I’m combining these categories this week. In the flashbacks of Sunrise Bay, in which Moira becomes her own name-drop, her wig is doing so much work I can’t believe it never won a daytime Emmy. When the wig makes a comeback later in the episode, it’s a nice callback.
— Can David and Patrick just get married already!? When David mentioned that he’s adding eight extra seats for his friends from New York, my wedding stress started again. I need this storyline to be over because I really want to see their wedding, but also because I don’t think my anxiety can take it.
— If Twyla wasn’t invited to the wedding, who else from the town do we think is excluded? I’m going with Bob.
— I hope Alexis is back to herself next week, not just because I miss the lewks, but also because no man is worth that much mourning. Not even Hot Ted and his Hot Beard.