Sex Tips We Learned From Feminist Porn

Porn tends to get a bad rap — and for good reason. When you hear the word "porn," you might not think of a form of expression that encourages women to adopt attitudes of sex-positivity, self-respect, and healthy body image. Lately, though, a new crop of pornographers are turning the industry on its head by producing content that's fun, respectful, and, yes, actually feminist.

One of our favorite porn power players? Courtney Trouble, who's been making feminist porn since before it was a thing. It's hard not to be smitten with Trouble when you hear her unique take on sex and sexuality, as evidenced by the pioneering nature of her work.

"Feminist porn is a movement comprised of filmmakers, consumers, sex workers, sex-positive activists, and academics involving themselves in dialogue about feminist and/or ethical porn-making practices and creating access to a generally male-dominated world of porn," she says. "It's about performer-friendly labor politics, sex-worker advocacy, making space for female voices in adult entertainment, and an anti-oppression-based representation of diverse bodies, races, genders, and sexualities in pornography and its critique."

So, what can women take away from this new empowering form of sexual expression? We asked Trouble to hit us with some feminist-porn-inspired tips to help turn up the sexy at home. You might want to take some notes — class is officially in session.

"I think the best thing you can do to inspire a relationship is to know what you want — and to be honest and open about it. There’s so many ways to approach sex and sexuality, and as long as they are legal activities and you have consent, none of them are wrong. (Of course, good sex can be illegal in some places — gay sex and the help of a sex worker come to mind.) It’s important to cultivate your sexual fantasies and to seek out sex that works for you. Where to start? Exploring pornography, erotic writing, and sex-positive how-to books are my favorite ways to learn about sex. Once you figure out what gets you hot, share it with your partner. Remember, openness is key. If your partner isn't into what you want to try, maybe they can support you trying it with someone else!"

"Even when we say the most mind-numbingly stupid things during sex, let's be honest — somehow, they sound hot. I think it’s because you’re connecting with your partner on another, very real level that’s separate from the physical sensations you’re experiencing together. My best tip to get started is to simply verbalize what you're doing. "I am kissing your breast, your thigh…your skin feels so nice" may not seem particularly inspired, but it gets your mouth moving, and interacting with your lover in a new way will go a long way toward heightening your shared experience."

"In porn, we often approach a scene with an idea or a theme in mind, in order to keep things interesting. Let your "real sex" mirror "porn sex" by coming up with a scene idea — and decorate your bedroom (and body) to match the theme. In one of the best scenes I ever shot, two women dressed up in ballerina costumes and got down with each other in pointe shoes, tights, and tutus. It was as fun as it was sexy — and it was very, very sexy.

Of course, your theme can be as elaborate as your imagination allows, or as simple as a tight pair of jeans and some rock-star eyeliner. Whatever route you choose, dressing up allows you to break away from your go-to sexual persona and try something new — as long as you can keep an open mind."

"One of the simplest ways to spice things up and max out pleasure for you and your partner? Make sure you have all the basics on-hand at all times. For me, “the basics” include a good lube (I prefer Sliquid Silver silicone lube or Sliquid Sassy water-based lube), a great vibrator (like the Magic Wand), and a G-spot toy (like the toy I designed, the Double Trouble). Remember, never use silicone lube on a silicone toy, as it can break down the surface of the toy, as well as leading to a buildup of bacteria. Also, if you’re using a condom, stay away from oil-based lubes — stick with either water-based or silicone products. If you and your partner do not use condoms, I have learned from porn that coconut oil is by far the best lube that's not your own. But remember, it will break down any latex so don't use it with a condom."

"This is probably the best advice I could ever think to give, and it's for cis men (i.e., born as the gender with which they identify today): Stop worrying about the size of your dick, or how long you can go, or if penetration alone will give us a squirting orgasm. The truth is, while your penis is totally awesome, it's going to take a little bit more to get us gushing, and we don't necessarily need it at all to get off. I say this in hopes that it will help ease the pressure that society has placed on you regarding the worthiness of your own body and performance. You've been told that sex is begins and ends with your dick, and the reality is, that's just a small part of the whole shebang.

Our bodies aren't even all that different. The skin around your testicles is the same skin that makes up the inner labia. Lady butt holes are the same as gentlemen butt holes. Your P-spot has the same explosive orgasmic properties as our G-spot. And, on a cis woman's body, the clitoris holds the same amount of nerve endings and magical sex powers that the head of your penis does — and even though you can only see the tip, it extends through the entire vulva. We are also built to ejaculate, even more so than cis men are. What I'm trying to say is, cis women have phalluses, too.

I hope this challenges your notions of gender and sexuality in a good way. For too long, we have been taught the gender-essentialist notion that women are fundamentally different from men in every way. The truth is, we are all made up of the same tissues, and we all like our tissues to be touched in similar ways. Next time you're around a clitoris, play with it as much as you would want your penis played with. Jerk us off. You'll like the results, I promise.

Bonus tip: If we haven't had enough orgasms after you have had your one gigantic orgasm, please continue to pleasure us with your hands and mouth — as well as those awesome toys. If you need some guidance in this department, watching queer porn can help you learn from the best on how to use toys, vibrators, and hands to get someone off long after your penis has left the party. "