Spencer Pratt Tells Us Exactly How Crystals Work (& How To Use Them As Hangover Cures)

In my 25th year of life, I decided to start accepting and appreciating the power of crystals. We at Refinery29 have already told you which beginner crystals you need to heal your chakra, but that's too vague for me. I want to know which crystals will assist me in ridding toxic people from my life. Or what rock will magically cure my hangover (wishful thinking).

So, to embark on my journey to incorporate and utilize the power of crystals in my personal everyday life, I turned to someone who I knew would give unfiltered yet qualified guidance. A crystal connoisseur and gem guru. Someone who purchased a $10,000 phantom monkey crystal (which he later — regrettably — donated to an US Weekly charity). The only person I could be describing is Spencer Pratt.

In between bonding with his hummingbirds, providing pop culture commentary on his very lit Twitter, being profiled by The New Yorker, and preparing for fatherhood with his wife, Heidi Montag (the couple are expecting a son in October), the 33-year-old social media influencer helped me conjure up a mystical guide to crystals. Because what's a millennial to do if she can't learn about crystals from her trusted token former reality show villain? "Crystals are amazing tools for meditation and going deeper within because that is where the real work is done," Pratt tells me over email.

Not only is Pratt often memed for his obsession and love of crystals (fun fact: Montag was actually into collecting crystals first, having grown up in outdoorsy Crested Butte, Colorado), but he also has an eponymous crystal line of his own with InnerVision Crystals called Spencer Pratt Rocks — so yes, he does know what he's talking about. "Nikola Tesla said crystals were like living beings, each having their own energy / vibration," Pratt says. "Marcel Vogel, the guy who worked for IBM and created the LCD, was also involved in cutting quartz crystals to produce energetic tools for healing so this stuff is very real, not as 'make believe' as some would like us to believe." I ask Pratt if it's weird to give crystals to random people, and he flips the question back to me: "Isn't it weird not to?" And he's right. It's 2017, trust me: you need the extra good energy, fam.

Now that Pratt, Nikola Tesla, and I have convinced you that crystals are legit, it's time to pick one for yourself based on "your intuition," as Pratt suggests. Let a crystal speak and then go with it (that could even mean connecting deeply with one that you know will look good in your Instagrams, as I did). After that, you can either clean the crystal or just start absorbing all those good, good vibes. "You only have to wash them if they get dirty, but flowing natural water does have an effect," he writes. "Just don't lose it in rapids or something, lol. You can let them sit out in the Sunlight, Moonlight, or with other Crystals." If an enemy touches your crystals, then go get some sage and cleanse that stone.

And yes, if you're wondering, there will be crystals in his future son's baby room. "Just gotta get Heidi on the same page," he writes.

I wonder which one of the following it will be. My money's on Amethyst....