Can Your Love Language Impact Your Relationship With Money?

Over three decades ago, Gary Chapman, PhD, changed the game of love when he published his book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. In it, Chapman proposed that there are five ways we can classify the ways we love: words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, acts of service and gift-giving. This framework has been a wonder for better understanding our relationship dynamics. But what often goes ignored, are the ways our love languages can influence other aspects of our lives, particularly money.

When it comes to money — budgeting, saving, spending wisely — there is no one-size-fits-all approach that suits everyone's income and lifestyle. If you're trying to get on top of your funds, the best place to start is to get real about your relationship with money and what's important to you (both in the short and long term). Only when we understand what drives our habits can we identify what actually works for us.

From there, it's about accommodating your needs, and figuring out where we might need to compromise, just like we do with our other relationships. Whether that's setting aside a budget for impromptu gifts or taking time to talk about your finances with a partner, money-minded pal or financial advisor, looking at the ways we love can give us some profound insights into the ways we spend.

Ahead, we look at each of the five categories and what they tell us about our money habits.

Your love language is quality time if you feel most cherished when just in the presence of your favourite people, and you go out of your way to ensure that you're giving your attention to the time you value most.

You know that life is short, and you don't like to turn down an invitation to a nice dinner from a pal, so you may be prone to indulgence. That's not a bad thing, but if you find that you're flat broke by the time payday comes around, it might be time to reevaluate your spending. After all, most people feel secure when they have a little nest egg, so it's good to have a solid amount in savings that you can feel comforted by.

It's worth considering some lifestyle-focused budgeting, where you take a 'bucketing' approach to your savings. At the beginning of the month, note down your income, put aside a strict (but realistic) amount to go into an untouchable savings account, and then make sure to allocate specific funds for things like entertainment.

Other tactics include making the 'cheaper' option more of an experience. Instead of getting expensive takeout, find a nice recipe for you and your housemates to make, or instead of getting an Uber, phone a friend to make the walking alternative more enticing.

If you feel most comforted by physical affection, then you probably tend to enjoy manicures, luxe massages or the feeling of a plush new coat or linen sheets, so overspending can be a problem. Particularly with online shopping and tap-and-go, you're not feeling the cash leave your wallet, so it's easier to feel disassociated from it. Since the pandemic has seen most cash become redundant, it can be harder to make the cognitive connection that your money is in fact finite.

Try to keep tabs on how much you're spending by forcing yourself to physically write out your comings and goings. The physical act of laying it all out might be confronting, but it's important to live within your means and this method might push you to acknowledge your own spending habits. We recommend opting for a simple but effective budgeting method that requires this kind of detail, like the 50-30-20 solution that splits your income into needs, wants and future goals. Since you might feel the most secure when you can see your money, things like old-school piggy banking might benefit you, too.

People who value verbal encouragement and expressions of love are often at their best when they talk things out or hear about their loved ones' feelings.

If this is you, we recommend opening up about your finances, too. Set aside some time in your cal to go over your finances, chat about your money with partners and friends, and dive into series like our Money Diaries where regular people divulge their own spending habits. Something you might benefit from, no matter what income you're on, is a financial advisor — someone who you can rely on to talk through your money moves with.

People with this love language tend to appreciate research, and like to be entertained. Steer yourself towards better financial decisions by finding content creators who specifically platform everything from tips on saving money to micro-investing. Luckily, Finance TikTok is sure to have something that tickles your fancy.

Showing love through acts of service is when you take something off of someone's plate to make their life easier, or just a little comfier. Think about the friend that helps you clean up after the party, or how your mum puts a blanket over you when you're on the couch, or maybe how your partner goes to the particular store you like that has the good ice cream.

You might find that a lot of your cash goes towards practical endeavours like cleaning services or the latest household gadget. This makes saving a cinch since you can conserve funds through meal preps and DIY projects that can save you a pretty penny.

You're likely pretty on top of your finances, but you could leave more time for actually enjoying what you make. Options like automated transfers for rent and other bills can help you make time for errands — or just downtime.

People that gravitate towards act of service are generally people of action, so you probably feel at your best when being productive, and when you feel you have all the information. If this sounds like you, it might be time to consider investing. Read our guide to investing for beginners if you haven't already cracked the stocks.

If nothing gets your heart singing like nailing a pal's birthday present, or your partner picking up your favourite flowers on their way home, then you're probably a lover of gifts. This doesn't necessarily mean that you blow all your cash on unnecessary bits and bobs, but it could be worth acknowledging that gift-giving makes you happy and putting aside a certain amount each month for impromptu gifts — because there's always an occasion.

Where you can be savvier is by making the most out of sales, reselling, and thrifting in order to spend more wisely while still getting the thrill of finding just the right gift.

You're probably quite sentimental and may have little desire for stuffy finance jargon so creative tactics like money mood boards that correspond to savings plans can help you to visualise what saving can mean for your future.