These Wedding Night Sex Stories Are Funny, Sexy & Incredibly Memorable

Even in an era when the majority of couples have sex before marriage, there’s still an allure around the wedding night. Brides pick out expensive lingerie, hotels offer luxurious wedding suites, and friends tease the newlyweds about consummating the marriage.

Traditionally, couples are often so exhausted by the wedding that they may be too tired to have sex that night. (Wedding guests, on the other hand, are another story.) In 2016, lingerie company Bluebella surveyed 1,000 married couples and found that only 48% of couples actually had sex on their wedding night — 52% skipped it, usually because they were too tired or too drunk.

Of course, weddings these days look very different than they did a year ago. More people are opting, by necessity due to the pandemic, for super-small, intimate affairs. And while not being able to have everyone you want with you to celebrate stinks, I'd be interested to know whether these low-key events have resulted in an uptick in the amount of newlyweds getting it on later that night.

In one illuminating Reddit thread, married people who did have sex on their wedding night shared what it was really like. For some, it was so sexy that we’re ready to pre-order the romance novel. For others, it was fine, but nowhere near the best sex of their lives. And some found wedding night sex memorable for reasons that had nothing to do with the actual sex. Turns out that "Jacuzzi malfunction" is not a euphemism. Here, read what wedding night sex is really like — the sexy, the mediocre, and the accidentally hilarious.