These Wedding Night Sex Stories Are Funny, Sexy & Incredibly Memorable

Even in an era when the majority of couples have sex before marriage, there’s still an allure around the wedding night. Brides pick out expensive lingerie, hotels offer luxurious wedding suites, and friends tease the newlyweds about consummating the marriage. And yet, while weddings can be an incredible events, they are often so exhausting that by the time the newlyweds leave the reception, they may be too tired to have sex — or too tired to have good sex, anyway. (Wedding guests, on the other hand, are another story.)

In 2016, lingerie company Bluebella surveyed 1,000 married couples and found that only 48% of couples actually had sex on their wedding night — 52% skipped it, usually because they were too tired or too drunk. Most of the couples who didn’t have sex on their wedding night chose to have morning sex instead, while others waited a day or two to do the deed. It turned out that whenever they had sex after their wedding, most of the couples felt that they made the right decision — 84% said they were happy with their first post-wedding sex sesh.

In one illuminating Reddit thread, married people who did have sex on their wedding night shared what it was really like. For some, it was so sexy that we’re ready to pre-order the romance novel. For others, it was fine, but nowhere near the best sex of their lives. And some found wedding night sex memorable for reasons that had nothing to do with the actual sex. Turns out that "Jacuzzi malfunction" is not a euphemism. Here, read what wedding night sex is really like — the sexy, the mediocre, and the accidentally hilarious.