Twin Peaks: The Return Part 14 Recap: Deputy Diane, Reporting

Four episodes left in this whirlwind of a reboot and things are finally starting to fall into place. Woo-hoo! The wait was worth it — especially because the major revelation in this episode belongs to Andy (Harry Goaz), who's always felt like comic relief. (I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'll watch hours of Andy and Lucy, played by Kimmy Roberts, shopping for chairs.)

First things first, though, Gordon Cole (David Lynch) drops a line to Twin Peaks — the worlds are beginning to converge. The Sheriff lets him know that over in Washington they've acquired pages of Laura Palmer's old diary. And it looks like it might hold some big info. (Remember: Jackrabbit's Palace.) The call seems to serve only one purpose, and that is to let us know the Twin Peaks police force and the FBI will soon be working in tandem.

In FBI-land, Tammy (Chrysta Bell) is getting briefed on operation Blue Rose. The origin: Two young agents, FBI Agent Rosenfield (Miguel Ferrer) tells her, investigated the disappearance of a girl named Lois. They find Lois, but not before she is shot — in fact, she's shot before their eyes. Before Lois dies, though, she says, "I am like the Blue Rose." Then, like a few other bodies on this series, she disappears in thin air. Gordon Cole and Phillip Jeffries were the two agents at play.

Deputy Diane (Laura Dern) —as she's been newly minted — makes her first report, cigarette in hand. (Would that all FBI agents could be as nonchalant as Diane.) She deposits some big news: Her sister is Janey-E. In this world, Laura Dern and Naomi Watts are sisters. (Is someone peeking at my Twin Peaks fan fic?) Supposedly, Diane and Janey-E are estranged. Diane, tight-lipped as usual, doesn't want to discuss why. She also doesn't want to discuss her final night with Agent Cooper. The more Diane refuses to speak on this subject, the more ominous it becomes. What happened that last night?

Most importantly, though, there's this info: According to Laura Palmer's diary, there are two Coopers. This is something we already know. Gordon does not know this, or maybe he senses it. It would certainly make life a lot easier for everyone involved if they knew that Cooper, like Voldemort once upon a time, was split in two.

Gordon Cole, in his stupid holler, recounts a dream of his he had recently. (As someone who hates when anyone — anyone — recounts a dream, I wonder why his colleagues don't politely ask him to shut up. But I digress.) His dream involves Monica Bellucci, who is played by the real Monica Bellucci. It also involves Phillip Jeffries (David Bowie). Cole recalls in the dream the last day he saw Jeffries at the Philadelphia office of the FBI. This was two years after Jeffries' disappearance (which happened in 1987) and continues to be a puzzle for the FBI. If they could figure out why Jeffries appeared out of nowhere, perhaps they can figure out how Cooper disappeared, or how he reappeared out of nowhere.

Mind you, this is still a dream. A dream that involves Monica Bellucci. Dream Monica Bellucci relays a message for Cole: "We are like the dreamer who dreams and then lives inside the dream." Sounds dangerous. (I say as I watch a television show, living inside David Lynch's dream world.)

But by that analysis, the world is the dream, right? Monica Bellucci, you're confusing me. (Nice Matrix reference, David Lynch!)

Remember Jackrabbit's Palace? We get to see it in this episode when Bobby Briggs (Dana Ashbrook) takes the Twin Peaks police department crew to his forest fantasyland. As they venture into the forest, the terrain starts to resemble the opening credits. There's even fog.

Things get weird when they come across a woman (Nae Yuuki) naked and nestled in the forest floor. She has no eyes. She also can't seem to speak. By Twin Peaks analysis, she's stuck between two worlds. Her name is Naido, according to the closing credits, but this isn't something the characters learn about her.

It's clear there's a portal of sorts hovering over Naido. A hellmouth? A black hole? A portkey? Not sure what this world calls a whooshing tornado that transports people, but portal seems about right. Andy looks into the portal and — no, Andy, no! — he's transported to the black and white void where we once witnessed the origin of this whole weird world. The giant is there (Carel Struckyen), but he's got a name now. He introduces himself as the Fireman. Then, Andy watches the origin video. The very same that Twin Peaks played for us in the most baffling episode of the season ("Gotta light?"). At the end of the video, he sees two Coopers – the same two we've been watching all season. There's long-haired BOB Cooper, and there's short-haired Dougie Cooper.

After reliving the black-and-white confusion of that episode, Andy is simply released back to the real world. (Phew. Here I was, thinking he and Lucy would never be together again. And that could never be allowed.)

Back at Jackrabbit's Palace, Andy tells his coworkers that they can't tell anyone about this place. Then they take Naido to the police department, where she can get some rest. (Update: Naido still isn't speaking.)

The Fireman's having a big night: He also appears in the sweet "comrades" scene between James Hurley (James Marshall) and Freddy, a British 23-year-old who made his way to Twin Peaks all because of a dream. (Monica Bellucci seems to have predicted his arrival. He's living the dream.) In a dream, a man called the Fireman instructed him to purchase a green glove. He bought that glove. He wore that glove. Now, he can't take it off — it's part of his hand. And, the Fireman told Freddy to go to Twin Peaks. Here he is! He's ready for his destiny, which seems to be imminent, based on the number of episodes we have left. One can help but feel Freddy isn't going to last the rest of the episodes.

Meanwhile, Sarah Palmer (Grace Zabriskie) is out for a drink. But a typical male starts antagonizing her. He calls her a lesbian. He calls her the c-word. He leers at her and threatens to suck her lesbian tits.

Then she removes her face and eats him alive. Literally. Sarah Palmer's always been kooky. In fact, she can kind of see the future. But she hasn't devoured the throats of evil men before.

Hang on — is Sarah Palmer possessed?

It does feel like it's about that time. It can't just be Cooper who's enjoying the presence of an otherworldly being. This shit has to spread.

Finally, there's Tina. Well, not Tina. It's her daughter, hanging at the Roadhouse Bar, discussing Billy. Last Tina saw Billy, he was bleeding from his nose and mouth and screaming. (Sound familiar?) And the kicker: Tina and Billy are in a relationship of sorts. That's bad news for Audrey, and probably bad news for Billy.

"It was so fucking scary," Tina's daughter says.

Sounds like Billy's been possessed by a demon. And so has Sarah Palmer. Twin Peaks just can't catch a break.