Cardi B's Post-Breakup Glow-Up Is Coming & I Can't Wait

When I first heard the rumours that Cardi B and Offset were dating last year, I said a prayer to the trap gods and goddesses to bless their union. I couldn’t think of two people in the hip-hop space more suited for each other, and that meant something. For black girls who grew up reading urban fiction novels like The Coldest Winter Ever, a hip-hop power couple is just as endearing to us as A Christmas Prince is to white millennial women. A black love story set against a backdrop of Billboard hits, foreign cars, and expensive jewellery is a fantasy snatched straight from my 16-year-old mind. Watching it all unfold via social media filled me with immense joy. So even I’m surprised in light of Cardi’s recent announcement that her and Offset’s relationship is over, I’m not at all sad about it. Because as much as I adore a successful hood couple, I love self-affirming hood chick more.

To address her updated relationship status, Cardi used the tool that has been most instrumental to her success and self-expression: Instagram. Still in the makeup from what I can only assume was the City Girls “Twerk” music video set, Cardi put on a calm, almost soothing voice to deliver the news. It was almost as if she was anticipating how hurt some of her followers would be. But it worked. She kept things diplomatic by reminding everyone that she and Offset are “really good friends” and “really good business partners.” She is always going to “have a lot of love” for her co-parent and recognises that “it might take time to get a divorce.” She kept her head high, tone steady, and titties free for her topless PSA. I think it’s the first step in making big boss moves that come in no one else’s size.

All things considered, Cardi B is in a great position to move on from Offset — who has been at the centre of multiple cheating scandals during their relationship. This year alone has seen her drop an album, rock both the Coachella and Grammy stages, have a baby, sell out her Fashion Nova collection, and throw a shoe at Nicki Minaj. She is a girl on fire, and if she keeps that same energy, she will become the embodiment of her own “I Like It” lyric: “I like text(e)s from my exes when they want a second chance. I like proving n*ggas wrong. I do what they say I can’t.”

Everyone is still championing Ariana Grande — who used her recent split with Pete Davidson as the catalyst to make the record-breaking bop “Thank U, Next” — as the breakup queen, but I implore us all to keep Cardi in the running. It’s too early to tell how Cardi is going to “handle” this breakup, but based on the video alone, I’m willing to put my money on a glow-up that Rihanna would be proud of. You see, 16-year-old me may have been enamoured by the promise of love and fast money with a tattooed rapper, but 30-year-old me daydreams about bossing up on all past, current, and future partners. I particularly aspire to stunt on those who can only offer a measly “Y'all won” in the comment section, like Offset did.

Before she was one-half of a power couple, Cardi was the voice for women who didn’t care what men thought of them and rested assured that the right person would love them for who they are. Her Instagram rants taught women to love themselves and put their pleasure first. She made anthems like “Washpoppin” for self-identified hoes who prefer big dick energy over cuddling. This is the foundation that she’s built for herself, and if I’m lucky she’s headed right back there to remind us that we can mourn relationships, but the heartbreak won’t kill us. And if she does decide to go the chart-topper route, I’m not against Ariana Grande singing the hook.