Kardashian-Jenner clan may be the closest thing America has to a royal family — at least, they would like fans to think so.
In a new teaser for season 18 of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, Khloé Kardashian — posing as Kris Jenner, to make this all the more confusing — reads from the “Great Book of Kardashian-Jenner Tales,” describing the family’s rise to fame as something mythic.
“Once upon a time, there lived a powerful queen who gave birth to five princesses, each with their own gifts and passions, from health to beauty to humor,” Khloé/Kris explains.
The video then cuts to shots emphasising some of the family’s “wins,” like Kendall Jenner’s modelling career and Kylie Jenner’s billion-dollar company Kylie Cosmetics. Even Khloé and former brother-in-law Scott Disick — still a very important member of the family, despite his relationship with Kourtney Kardashian being long over — get a shout out over their famous pranks. Once again, it involved Khloé slapping on her signature short black wig and embodying her momager.
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Alas, not everything is fun and games in the Kardashian-Jenner kingdom.
“But as their kingdom grew stronger, so, too, did the burdens that came with it,” Khloé as Kris says ominously. Cut to a scene of Kourtney Kardashian brutally attacking Kim with a water bottle, possibly calling her the c-word in the process. (She definitely tells Kim she doesn’t want to be around her “fat ass.”)
Cue Kourtney writing her very own version of The Diary of Princess Pushy’s Sister.
For those wondering how these two are doing now, Kourtney and Kim have made up, per Kim’s December appearance on The Ellen DeGeneres Show.
"Kourtney and I, we just went to Japan together," Kim told DeGeneres of the fight we’ll see this season. "We’ve really taken the time to hear each other out and listen. What sucks is that season 18 will come out soon, and it gets worse before it gets better so her and I have healed and have talked about everything and have really come to an understanding."
Watch the clip — featuring far unhappier times in the kingdom — below: