After months of social distancing and quarantining, just how desperate will all of the single people be to touch another human? Apparently very, very desperate, according to Saturday Night Live.
“My name is Tara and halfway through quarantine, you know, I broke my vibrator,” said Ego Nwodim. “What’s up, I’m Haley and during quarantine, I broke two vibrators and an electric toothbrush,” added Heidi Gardner’s character, though it was Aidy Bryant’s Ashley that really took the cake with, “Hey there it’s Ashley, and during quarantine, I straight up murdered all of my vibrators.”
She went on to clarify that the last vibrator likely committed suicide, “because it left a note that said, ‘You did this,’” holding up a note with squiggly writing that truly looked like it was written by an overworked personal massager. Seriously though, don't be like these women. There are better vibrators out there that won't break on you.
From there, host Alex Burpee (Beck Bennett) introduced the guys, played by Mikey Day, Pete Davidson, and Kenan Thompson. Under normal circumstances, they’d all be total duds (i.e. already unemployed, spending all day doing nothing but watching TV, and completely non-committal). But, after this quarantine? They’ll work just fine.
“Look, the last warm thing I touched was sourdough,” Nwodim’s Tara said, and you know what, girl, same.
Watch the full sketch below, and then plan a quarantine date stat. Because it doesn’t have to be like this once this is all over. Godspeed singles.
The World Health Organisation says you can protect yourself by washing your hands, covering your mouth when sneezing or coughing (ideally with a tissue), avoid touching your eyes, nose and mouth and don't get too close to people who are coughing, sneezing or with a fever.