When Did Engagement Nails Become Just As Important As The Ring?

If you count a clandestine religious ceremony done on a whim in the middle of lockdown, then I’ve been married for five years. Such was our story (which featured a Romeo and Juliet-adjacent plot of angry families, forbidden love and different religions) that we never had time for traditions. We didn’t give each other rings, and there was certainly no proposal. But I’m just a girl and I want one, which means my kind-of-husband, Jack, is under strict instructions to propose properly one day, which we will then follow with a more public legal ceremony. I also want him to get me the perfect ring (a salt and pepper diamond, set in gold and preferably made by We Are Arrow on London’s eclectic Columbia Road), and he needs to make sure I’ve had a manicure beforehand. I don’t care how he does it, but I won’t be happy if he proposes to me and my nails aren’t freshly done. I wouldn’t say no — I do love him, after all — but I’ll be damned if a crusty cuticle dares feature in my engagement announcement photos.

I see both the ring and the nails as a duo. When it comes to the actual engagement day, in my opinion, you can’t have one without the other. I know it sounds a little shallow but as it happens, I’m not alone in my thoughts. In today’s social media-driven world, engagement nails are just as significant as the ring — and for some, even the proposal itself. Search “engagement nails” on TikTok and you’ll find over 60 posts — ranging from inspo videos to clips of friends attempting to trick their soon-to-be-engaged pals into getting a manicure — with millions of combined views. Here, engagement nails are immortalised, paraded online for all to see. With this in mind, they need to be perfect: fresh, understated, timeless — and immune to fleeting trend cycles. 

I’ve slowly been drip-feeding the idea of a surprise, pre-engagement manicure to Jack for years. “But it’ll ruin the moment!” he insists. “You’ll know what’s happening!” He’s not wrong — I might. But I’m so sure of my plan and plight that I’m willing to run the risk. I’ve drawn up an entire scheme for him to follow, which involves contacting my favourite nail artist and paying her in advance, then asking her to invite me to a “complimentary appointment”. This magical appointment will then only feature specific, engagement-worthy shades. I suppose prescribing a process does somewhat take the romance out of the situation. But what can I say? It’s important to me, and I’m not leaving anything up to chance. 

For some, this chance is exactly what made their own engagement manicure stories so special. It wasn’t about the nails, per se, but the thought that went into them: “Chris did a very good job of tricking me into getting a manicure,” says Ellen Scott, a journalist and digital editor at Stylist. “He was very sneaky and wise. He contacted Shoreditch Nails and asked them to pretend to invite me for a press appointment. I didn’t question it at all.” They even painted a heart on Ellen’s ring finger, she tells me, which still didn’t tip her off. “I was completely taken aback when he proposed and was genuinely so touched that he had thought to make sure my nails looked good.” If it wasn’t for Chris’s caring ingenuity, Ellen tells me she “probably wouldn’t have posted a pic” of the engagement ring right away.

Similarly, an informal Instagram poll among my friends and followers revealed that many wouldn’t post an in-the-moment picture of their engagement ring unless their nails were freshly done. For Hollie Kelly, head of PR at Kit Studios, receiving a proposal without a manicure would make her “hold off on telling anyone” about the engagement. Or, she says, she’d hide her nails in pictures. Hannah*, a marketing manager, says she would “have to have them done in a long, almond shape to lengthen the overall appearance of the fingers and nail bed.” Without this, she admits, she’d redo her nails before posting. “In an extreme situation, I’d [use] Photoshop,” she says. 

I don’t Photoshop pictures often, but when I do, it’s almost always because I feel like I need to conform to a certain beauty standard. Having perfect nails is yet another ideal — or rather, expectation — imposed on women in recent years. It’s also worth considering the effects of “nail privilege” when it comes to posting your hands online. An extension of “pretty privilege”, which affords those who are conventionally pretty better social and economic advantages, nail privilege sees people judged and treated differently according to their nail choices.

Because of this, Rianna Read, creative director at TwelveA.M., says she “always thinks about” her future engagement nails: “I feel like I should start getting my nails done regularly now, ready for when Josh pops the question. It’s genuinely been a thought in my mind.” Meanwhile, Savannah* says she feels “very self-conscious” about her hands and future engagement posts on social media. “My ADHD makes me always pick at my nails so I’ve never had them done. Yet, even though I’m not a nail person, I still worry my hands won’t be up to the beauty standard, which is mad to think about.”

During my research, I heard from lots of other women who’d be “annoyed,” “fuming,” or “not pleased” if they encountered a proposal sans manicure, but one woman, Harriet*, confesses she’d find it “traumatic”. For her, it isn’t about the images on social media or even adhering to a standard. It’s about looking put-together as a whole. Harriet admits to always having freshly painted nails, but even so, she’s told her partner “not to propose” if her nails look unkempt. According to her, “it’s better to have no nail polish at all,” than to have chipped nails.

It might sound extreme to ask someone not to propose without a pre-proposal manicure, but it’s not unheard of. Rebecca Crawforth, nail expert and founder of Navy Professional Tools, confirms that “engagement nails have become just as essential as the ring itself.” For me, it’s less binary than that; my nails are a part of my identity. I haven’t sported bare nails in years, and people have told me that they think of fun nails whenever my name is brought up in conversation. Personally, if Jack made sure I had nice nails in advance of proposing, it would show me that he really knows me. Still, I wonder whether placing that kind of expectation on a partner borders on unnecessary pressure, even if it comes from a place of wanting to feel understood. I certainly wouldn’t say no to a heartfelt proposal due to the state of my fingertips.

On the contrary, for Ella*, an influencer with over 22K followers on Instagram, it would be an instant “no” to any proposal if her nails weren’t done beforehand — no matter the ring or the person. “If he proposes to me without my nails being done, then he isn’t the one for me. Sorry, not sorry! Like, I’m a nail girl — know your audience, boo! Buh-bye!” It’s not even about the pictures, she says, but about feeling her best in the moment: “My nails are such a big part of my identity,” she adds. “I’ve had acrylics for over 10 years!”

It turns out not everyone buys into the idea of engagement nails. Adele*, an NHS worker in her twenties, says we are “an ungrateful generation” and “engagement nails are stupid as a concept”. She was the only one who shared a different perspective — everyone else agreed that perfect engagement nails were a must. “I do understand people wanting to look nice and not posting chewed nails, but half the [people] on TikTok know they’re getting engaged because of them,” she says.

But just as Scott remained oblivious in her story above, this doesn’t mean your engagement nails have to spoil the surprise of the actual engagement.

Scroll through TikTok or Instagram and it’s hard to miss how similar all the engagement nails look: unbearably clean and perfect. There are no cuticles, little to no colour, and only the smallest spatterings of nail art, like “delicate lines or micro pearls,” according to Crawforth. “We’re seeing a real return to understated elegance, and the ‘clean girl’ aesthetic is still going strong,” she explains. “Think sheer pinks, milky whites and classic nude tones that enhance the natural nail.” 

As a diehard nail art fan who can only bear a plain set for approximately two days before getting bored, this feels like another subtle beauty expectation. It gives off a bit of a “trad wife” vibe — as if we’re meant to look effortlessly polished, but not like we’ve put in any effort.

Traditionally, writes Refinery29’s beauty director Jacqueline Kilikita, in the late 19th century, painted nails were a feminist and risqué style statement, with later cultural icons like Frida Kahlo and Josephine Baker adopting bold nails. Returning to understated, barely-there designs can feel like a step away from that spirit, though I do understand coveting a design that won’t go out of style. Rachael Gibson, known online as The Hair Historian, previously told me that people are caught up in the idea that “natural beauty is best” because it suggests a “pure” and “superior” idea of femininity — it’s untouched and as nature made you, as if you haven’t fallen prey to vanity.

Saying this, there’s no denying the allure of a clean, perfect-looking set of nails, as long as you’re choosing them because you love them, and not because you feel like you have to. While they remain the status quo among engagement posts online, some are remaining resolute in their nail preferences. Scott opted for nail art on her engagement nails, with mismatched pink drawings on each finger. Perhaps the tides are turning. I’ve spotted a tentative wave of more experimental engagement nails recently. Think bold chrome finishes, darker shades or nail art that reflects the wearer’s personality. Just as the engagement ring market is evolving to include less traditional-looking designs, mixed metals, lab-grown diamonds and the like, I think we’re about to see a shift in engagement nail designs, too.

As much as I sit here and criticise the clean nail aesthetic, when it comes to my future engagement nails, I’ll probably opt for a similar look via The Gel Bottle’s new, fairy-like, sheer BIAB gels. Will it be because I truly love them, or because I’m just human and influenced by beauty trends? This is TBD. But one thing’s for sure: a good engagement manicure, whatever the shade or shape, is the ultimate flex.