Maude’s Sex Toys Are Chic Enough To Double As Home Decor

As the sexual health and wellness writer on the R29 Shopping team, I have the pleasure of receiving a lot of sex toys. Emphasis on pleasure. No, seriously. These toys are coming faster than I am (sorry, it was right there)! But among the unruly mountain of wild-shaped, brightly coloured, and extremely phallic sex toys I've stacked atop a stray kitchen chair, one package sent from Maude stood apart, seeming bizarrely demure in comparison. Curious, I dove into the plain brown package and pulled out what looked like fancy hand soap, an elegant glass candle, and tubes of beauty accessories, all in varying hues of rich amber and dark green. Perplexed, I took a closer look. What I'd assumed was hand soap was actually a bottle of lube, the candle was a heat-activated massage oil, and the beauty products were personal massagers, aka vibrators.

I was shook. Though I knew Maude's mission statement of creating accessible and discreet sexual wellness products for all types of people, I hadn't anticipated just how gorgeous the products would look. The vibrators, made from smooth silicone, stood upright with ease. In dark green, the massagers look almost like modern Christmas decor or even a personal assistant, like a new wave Alexa or Google Home. I was completely obsessed, even before trying anything out. It's no wonder why Selfridges have snapped the brand up — you can now shop Maude's sex toys and bath and body treats at the luxury retailer.

That's the beauty of Maude, though. The thoughtfully made brand knows that discretion is important to many customers. One of the only problems with my huge mountain of sex toys is that occasionally it'll tower so high that it'll appear in the background of my girlfriend's WFH setup (she works in a client-facing position, and I may have received a few talking-tos about it). The Maude products, despite being well in view of her meetings (accidentally, I swear!), didn't even phase her or her clients. But, of course, Maude's products aren't just pretty. They're also quiet, affordable, and beginner-friendly while impressing me with their performance.

Maude's OG personal massager Vibe comes in four elegant colours, perfectly matched to any kind of decor. The best-selling vibrator arrived pre-charged and ready to go. Its unique oblong shape was extremely grippable, making it simple to manoeuvre around all the pleasurable nooks and crannies with what Maude refers to as its "flutter tip." Though someone could easily use the thicker end to stimulate a wider area, I chose to use the narrow flutter tip for a more concentrated vibration.

The vibration started off soft and pleasurable, easily exploring both external and just-barely internal spots. The Vibe has three vibration levels that increase in intensity with no stops, starts, or patterns — just one long continuous vibe for smooth stimulation. But despite its small, unassuming stature, this thing nearly knocked me out as soon as I increased the vibration up to its second level.

Word of advice: even though it's water-resistant, be careful while testing out the higher levels in the shower. I was so overwhelmed by pleasure that I nearly slipped and broke my neck, my knees buckling as a quick and powerful orgasm hit me within a minute of my manoeuvring. I feel pretty sure needing an airlift out of the shower isn't what you want from Maude's discreet toy experience, so maybe test out this one lying down first. Learn from me!

My biggest surprise was Maude's massage candle, Burn. I'd never used massage oils before, but the candle form it was delivered in made oil seem less intimidating. As a complete newb to the world of massaging (I love to receive but had never given one!), I was surprised at how intuitive it was to use when I gave my partner a massage one night.

Available in two sexy scents (as well as unscented for those with more sensitive noses), this soy candle burns low and slow into skin-soothing massage oil that's ready to use within 10 to 15 minutes. The oil is cool enough to pour directly onto bare skin, and it's made with jojoba and soybean oils to enhance skin while it performs. It has a subtle yet aromatic scent (kind of musky in a gender-neutral way?), which was neither greasy nor sticky.

I assumed I'd feel awkward as I dripped oil from the candle onto my partner's back, but everything about the experience felt elegant and refined instead of tacky and porny. With the relaxing mood set, I felt comfortable and confident in my massage strokes, and if my partner's reaction was any indication, she enjoyed herself as well.

Maude understands that sexual pleasure is a massive part of self-love and body wellness, so everything from its refined packaging and sleek design to quiet motors and subtle scents is designed to make you feel anything but self-conscious about exploring your sexuality without shame or stigma. Its products are made to be seen, not hidden away. So after use, they can be spritzed with the perfume bottle-shaped Clean and placed back on the shelf, where they can be displayed without fear. If you're in the market for some chic sexual pleasure products, do yourself a favour and shop these incredibly refined Maude products. Your decor (and your sex life) will thank me.

Available in minimalist grey and green, this palm-size body massager is the ultimate in discreet pleasure. The powerful vibrator can be used to stimulate any external body part. Maude investor Dakota Johnson even admitted she used it as a facial massager in an Instagram story. Plus, its small stature and natural canvas case make it the perfect toy for travel.

Complete your set of display-worthy toys with the Cone, Maude's sleek butt plug. The highly tapered shape and flared base make it easy to use, especially for beginners who might be trying out plugs for the first time. The ultra-soft material feels as luxurious as it looks, making insertion easy with barely a pump of lube. At £26 and 3.5 insertable inches, it's perfect for someone who wants to try out anal stimulation without a hefty price tag.

As one reviewer comments, "It hits the correct areas without being too invasive." Try it as a starter toy, or for the more advanced, use it to prep and get relaxed before inserting something bigger. In fact, among the many five-star reviews, the major complaint is that it's not also available in a larger size.

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