Fox News Uncovers Vicious & Secret War On Men, Makes Us See Red

When things of a ridiculous or absurd nature crop up in the news cycle, we try our darndest at Refinery29 to be levelheaded and report things while providing a semi-neutral perspective, hoping our readers will chime in and share insights. Moreover, when items of a ridiculous or absurd nature crop up on opinion pages of media outlets in said news cycle, we understand the nature of "opinions" and "agendas." But, dear readers, forgive us this one time for losing our cool.

Suzanne Venker, author of right-leaning books on motherhood and The Flipside Of Feminism, has penned an opinion piece for Fox News on the "war on men." Indeed, so much of that requires a reading with a grain of salt, but her assertions — along with a couple of unfathomable quotes — are enough to boil the blood of anyone, woman or man.

We could unpack what exactly was so insane in the piece, but that would just result in us banging our heads on the keyboard in frustration. Instead, here are some of our more favorite quotes for your perusal:

"Women aren’t women anymore."

"Armed with this new attitude, women pushed men off their pedestal (women had their own pedestal, but feminists convinced them otherwise) and climbed up to take what they were taught to believe was rightfully theirs. Now the men have nowhere to go."

"Men want to love women, not compete with them. They want to provide for and protect their families — it’s in their DNA. But modern women won’t let them."

"Fortunately, there is good news: Women have the power to turn everything around. All they have to do is surrender to their nature — their femininity — and let men surrender to theirs."

Venker's assertion comes from talking to "hundreds, if not thousands, of men and women" and a clear understanding of what makes up masculine DNA (which is mostly the innate urge to nurture and protect, while also maybe discovering fire and figuring out wheels ought to be round). As for us ladies? Well, we get a bum deal, because it is our feminist ideals that allow guys get to have lots of sex with no responsibility while we live unfulfilled, unmarried lives, ostensibly dying alone and wondering why no Prince Charming ever came to rescue us from our high-powered jobs.

If you are prone to sudden bursts of high-blood pressure, maybe skip out on reading the article. Instead, check out Jezebel's great takedown, The Hairpin's amazing cartoon explanation, or our own reasons why being a woman in 2012 rocks (not one of which includes "surrendering to our nature").