Hump: Beyoncé won the Super Bowl as far as I’m concerned. I mean, she basically danced the equivalent of a marathon while looking smoking hot and filming the opening credits for the next Bond movie. To be fair, I did have to Google which teams were playing, so I may not be the best judge of who wins sports events. Nevertheless, I’d like to see Joe Flacco try to do the "Single Ladies” dance in five-inch heels and a leather corset. Wait, no I wouldn’t.
Marry: Just when I think my massive girl crush on Jennifer Lawrence has reached a saturation point, she goes and says something that makes me even more convinced she’s my spirit animal and one of the all-around coolest people. Ever. When she appeared on Conan this past Tuesday, Lawrence revealed that she doesn’t like to leave her house so she doesn’t have to change her pants or put a bra on. This is basically my life philosophy, except that she doesn’t leave because of rabid paparazzi lurking outside, whereas I don’t leave because of the pants/bra reason (and general laziness). Either way, it’s nice to know someone out there shares my opinion about the huge bother of wearing public-appropriate clothing and supportive undergarments.
Kill: Ever wonder what the human equivalent of one of those dogs in ASPCA commercials would look like? Well, her name is Scarlett (Clare Bowen), and you can find her on Nashville. For some reason, she holds her mouth like she lost her back teeth due to sugar rot, and those big, huge eyes always seem to broadcast “Who, me? But I’m such a naive, virginal, gentle flower,” while all sorts of pernicious fates befall those around her. Inviting her writing partner who’s admitted he’s in love with her to move in? Sure, great idea. Letting him get into a fist fight with her ex-boyfriend instead of simply saying “There’s no need to fight, we’re not sleeping together” — yep, she let that happen. I’ve never wanted to climb inside the television and scream “Do something...anything...have some damn agency!” more than when Scarlett appears on screen during Nashville.
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