On June 20, Oscar and Golden Globe nominee Kristen Wiig co-starred with Golden Globe and Emmy Award nominee Will Ferrell in the highly anticipated Lifetime movie A Deadly Adoption. The two play a successful couple (Robert is a financial writer; Sarah owns a booming farm stand business, naturally) hoping to adopt a second child — after a strange dock incident renders Sarah unable to have more children.
Warning: Spoilers abound below.
Enter Bridget (90210's Jessica Lowndes), who's just dying to hand her unborn child over to the family. Except (cue ominous music) her name isn’t actually Bridget (it's Joni), and she isn’t actually pregnant!
1. After meeting sexy, pregnant, and homeless Bridget (not Bridget) for all of three minutes, Robert and Sarah invite her to live in their home for the remaining three months of her pregnancy. She repays them by ripping Sarah's face off a magazine cover featuring the couple. Slowly.
2. Bridget (not her actual name) guzzles coffee and decides to spend one day working on her tan, which are two things many pregnant women try not to do (giving up coffee, that's dedication). And, somehow, Robert can't look away.
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3. Robert blames Sarah for falling off the dock, telling Bridget (née Joni), "The worst part is, I blame her. I know it was an accident. If she just hadn't acted so foolishly. I just can't seem to get past that. Sometimes I think I may never love her the way I used to." (Damn it, Robert, you knew that dock was rotten!)
4. That pillow baby. Exactly how long did it take most viewers to realize the pregnancy was fake? We see the fake bump for the first time when Sully, the Bensons' only daughter, opens the bathroom door to see Bridget/Joni unstrapping her fake bump. She explains to the child that "some women have small bellies," which makes zero sense, like the rest of this amazing movie.
5. The not-shocking reveal that Robert no longer does book tours because he blacks out drunk. This is 100 percent believable. However, the finance author also has groupies. One of whom was Joni-now-Bridget whom he doesn't remember sleeping with. The (nonexistent) baby might be his!
6. Kristen Wiig, gunslinger. Living for this.
7. Is there some kind of Lifetime TV canon that requires every movie involve a kitchen dance party scene?