Name-calling. Taking the low road. Insisting he started it...this week, we’ve got plenty of proof that politics can sometimes look an awful lot like preschool. News of the race to the White House was dominated by fights between candidates. Unsurprisingly, a lot of those fights involved a man named Donald Trump.
Here are the biggest political battles of the week, along with our picks for the winner...or at least, the person who managed to get the last word.
1. Ted Cruz Vs. Mike Huckabee
30-Second Summary: Former Arkansas governor and candidate Mike Huckabee hosted a rally for Kim Davis, the Kentucky clerk who refused to issue same-sex marriage licenses. Although the rally was open to anyone, one of Huckabee’s staffers physically barred Texas Senator Ted Cruz from stepping onto the stage to voice his support for Davis.
The Winner: Mike Huckabee. As ridiculous as the entire Kim Davis saga has been, Huckabee has a point: Regardless of how in line your political beliefs may be, nobody likes a party crasher. According to Huckabee, Cruz never gave the heads-up he wanted to attend. 2. Donald Trump Vs. Ben Carson
30-Second Summary: Genius neurosurgeon and Republican hopeful Ben Carson is creeping up on Donald Trump in the polls, so naturally, this was the week Carson started to (gently) attack Trump. Asked to differentiate between himself and Trump, Carson questioned Trump’s faith. Of course, Trump retaliated the grade school way: “He started it, so remember I like to finish it.”
The Winner: Carson. While that whole "I'm more Christian than you" line of argument should be retired, at least Carson was polite. Plus, "He started it" isn’t exactly oratory genius. 3. Donald Trump Vs. Carly Fiorina
30-Second Summary: In an interview in Rolling Stone, Trump didn’t mince words when it came to Republican candidate Carly Fiorina, saying, “Look at that face. Would anyone vote for that? Can you imagine that, the face of our next president?”
Winner: Fiorina. Fiorina’s let’s-get-back-to-business response (“I’m not going to spend a single cycle wondering what Donald Trump means,”) perfectly foreshadowed Trump’s mea culpa “explanation” of his words: “I wasn’t talking about her face.” Just like Fiorina, we’ll also stop trying to figure this one out.
4. Donald Trump Vs. Bobby Jindal
30-Second Summary. Jindal has called Trump a narcissist, an egomaniac, and, in response to Trump’s insult to Carly Fiorina, said “I think it’s pretty outrageous for him to be attacking anybody’s appearance when he looks like he has a squirrel sitting on his head.”
Winner: Trump. In response, Trump tweeted that “I only respond to people that register more than 1% in the polls." As funny as Jindal's joke was, making fun of someone's appearance is always the low road. 5. Jeb Bush Vs. Everyone Else Donald Trump Insulted This Week
30-Second Summary: Jeb Bush told the Washington Post that all the other recipients of Trump’s choice comments “have to get in line” because “he’s still the number one beneficiary of The Donald’s insults.”
Winner: Bush...and Trump. While “most insulted” is just as dubious an honor as “biggest bully,” their history of trading jabs keeps both names in the news...which is all part of the political game. Plus, it's kind of a #humblebrag for Jeb. If he's the biggest target, that means he sees himself as Trump's biggest threat. 6. Hillary Clinton Vs. Bernie Sanders
30-Second Summary: The two Democratic candidates are only battling it out in the polls (not IRL) — but the race is heating up. For the first time this week, Iowa polls showed the Vermont senator edging out the former secretary of state. Winner: Sanders...for now. The very latest poll has Sanders up 41% to Clinton's 40%, but it's still September. The Iowa caucus isn't until February — and lots can happen between now and then. 7. Joe Biden Vs. Bill de Blasio
30-Second Summary: Everyone's getting excited about a possible Biden run — even Obama’s given the VP his blessing — except for one high-profile Dem. New York City mayor de Blasio’s response? “I don’t think we need more Democratic candidates."
Winner: Biden. De Blasio’s support has been eroding and he’s recently received the worst approval ratings of his tenure (44%), meaning his support may be more a liability than an asset when, and if, Biden decides to run. 8. REM vs. The GOP
30-Second Summary: Donald Trump and Ted Cruz have both been playing the REM song “It’s the End of the World as We Know It” at rallies — without permission from the band.
Winner: REM. It's always hilarious when a band or artist jumps in to tell people that their hit song isn't actually about the death of the American dream. Political disagreements aside, now that the tune is in your head, aren’t you aching to hear it again?
30-Second Summary: Former Arkansas governor and candidate Mike Huckabee hosted a rally for Kim Davis, the Kentucky clerk who refused to issue same-sex marriage licenses. Although the rally was open to anyone, one of Huckabee’s staffers physically barred Texas Senator Ted Cruz from stepping onto the stage to voice his support for Davis.
The Winner: Mike Huckabee. As ridiculous as the entire Kim Davis saga has been, Huckabee has a point: Regardless of how in line your political beliefs may be, nobody likes a party crasher. According to Huckabee, Cruz never gave the heads-up he wanted to attend. 2. Donald Trump Vs. Ben Carson
30-Second Summary: Genius neurosurgeon and Republican hopeful Ben Carson is creeping up on Donald Trump in the polls, so naturally, this was the week Carson started to (gently) attack Trump. Asked to differentiate between himself and Trump, Carson questioned Trump’s faith. Of course, Trump retaliated the grade school way: “He started it, so remember I like to finish it.”
The Winner: Carson. While that whole "I'm more Christian than you" line of argument should be retired, at least Carson was polite. Plus, "He started it" isn’t exactly oratory genius. 3. Donald Trump Vs. Carly Fiorina
30-Second Summary: In an interview in Rolling Stone, Trump didn’t mince words when it came to Republican candidate Carly Fiorina, saying, “Look at that face. Would anyone vote for that? Can you imagine that, the face of our next president?”
Winner: Fiorina. Fiorina’s let’s-get-back-to-business response (“I’m not going to spend a single cycle wondering what Donald Trump means,”) perfectly foreshadowed Trump’s mea culpa “explanation” of his words: “I wasn’t talking about her face.” Just like Fiorina, we’ll also stop trying to figure this one out.
4. Donald Trump Vs. Bobby Jindal
30-Second Summary. Jindal has called Trump a narcissist, an egomaniac, and, in response to Trump’s insult to Carly Fiorina, said “I think it’s pretty outrageous for him to be attacking anybody’s appearance when he looks like he has a squirrel sitting on his head.”
Winner: Trump. In response, Trump tweeted that “I only respond to people that register more than 1% in the polls." As funny as Jindal's joke was, making fun of someone's appearance is always the low road. 5. Jeb Bush Vs. Everyone Else Donald Trump Insulted This Week
30-Second Summary: Jeb Bush told the Washington Post that all the other recipients of Trump’s choice comments “have to get in line” because “he’s still the number one beneficiary of The Donald’s insults.”
Winner: Bush...and Trump. While “most insulted” is just as dubious an honor as “biggest bully,” their history of trading jabs keeps both names in the news...which is all part of the political game. Plus, it's kind of a #humblebrag for Jeb. If he's the biggest target, that means he sees himself as Trump's biggest threat. 6. Hillary Clinton Vs. Bernie Sanders
30-Second Summary: The two Democratic candidates are only battling it out in the polls (not IRL) — but the race is heating up. For the first time this week, Iowa polls showed the Vermont senator edging out the former secretary of state. Winner: Sanders...for now. The very latest poll has Sanders up 41% to Clinton's 40%, but it's still September. The Iowa caucus isn't until February — and lots can happen between now and then. 7. Joe Biden Vs. Bill de Blasio
30-Second Summary: Everyone's getting excited about a possible Biden run — even Obama’s given the VP his blessing — except for one high-profile Dem. New York City mayor de Blasio’s response? “I don’t think we need more Democratic candidates."
Winner: Biden. De Blasio’s support has been eroding and he’s recently received the worst approval ratings of his tenure (44%), meaning his support may be more a liability than an asset when, and if, Biden decides to run. 8. REM vs. The GOP
30-Second Summary: Donald Trump and Ted Cruz have both been playing the REM song “It’s the End of the World as We Know It” at rallies — without permission from the band.
Winner: REM. It's always hilarious when a band or artist jumps in to tell people that their hit song isn't actually about the death of the American dream. Political disagreements aside, now that the tune is in your head, aren’t you aching to hear it again?
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