How do you solve a problem like a love triangle? What I mean specifically by that question is how do you have the female protagonist of a show caught between two dashing men — both in love with her and competing for her affection — and not have it seem cliché and tired? If you're the Jane the Virgin creative team, you brilliantly decide to parody another modern-day cliché of a show where a woman chooses between two hunks, completely demonstrating to the audience that yes, you realize that the ol' "Whoever shall I choose in this ridiculous love triangle in which I find myself ensnared?" conundrum is indeed something that only happens in fictional scenarios. (Unless this has actually happened to you in real life. If you've been involved in a love triangle with two men who look like Rafael and Michael IRL, please contact me.)
Yes, this week Jane the Virgin went full-on Bachelorette. Well, hallucination-state Bachelorette. Michael (Brett Dier) and Rafael (Justin Baldoni) are both proving themselves worthy candidates for Jane's (Gina Rodriguez) heart. Xiomara (Andrea Navedo) is #TeamMichael. Alba (Ivonne Coll) is #TeamRafael — and way more into muscles than one might suspect. Sane, rational Jane has been so focused on baby Mateo that she really hasn't put that much thought into the two men who've been doting on her.
JTV's parody of The Bachelorette is almost too good. The Bachelorette version of Jane is constantly wearing sparkly dresses, always tipsy, and makes impulsive decisions 24/7. After every conversation with Michael or Rafael, she's ready to put all of her eggs into one basket without considering any alternative situations. At every step of the way, however, the Jane we know in reality is there to silence the reality show version of herself in her head.
That is, until, reality Jane does something even Bachelorette Jane knows is a bad idea. She tells Michael and Rafael that she loves them both. They, too, become reality show contestants, and do talking head interviews expressing their frustration with the situation. Even though they knew they were in an obvious love triangle, everyone figured that Jane would make a decision, and that would be final.
And so the love triangle continues, but now with everyone involved even more frustrated with the situation. On top of the emotional elements that need to be worked through, there are also a lot of secrets that have yet to come out. When those come to light, all three are in for a new round of pain. Nobody said it was easy, a wise man once said.
Rafael has a whole new round of issues complicating his life. He's going to be a father again because Petra (Yael Grobglas) stole his sperm and artificially inseminated herself. His hotel might lose its glorious ocean views. His eight pack might go down to six. Just kidding about that last part. Rafael's torso remains as perfectly sculpted as always.
There is some good news in this episode. Xiomara gets to perform on a cruise ship and decides that it's for the best to get her quickie marriage to Rogelio (Jaime Camil) annulled. Jane steals an amp from her loud neighbor (Kesha), and it inspires Alba to apply for a green card. The best news of the week, though, is that Jane finally showered. Snaps for that good, clean feeling.
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