Dear 5 Seconds of Summer Band Member Who Does Not Want To Date Taylor Swift (a.k.a. Ashton Irwin):
First off, hello!
Nice job finagling your way into the spotlight by dissing America's preeminent pop princess. Hopefully next time you'll grab a headline based on something a little more relevant to the career you're working on.
But since we're on the subject of you not wanting to date Taylor Swift, we just wanted to address a couple of things you said to Howard Stern recently. (In case you can't remember, we've conveniently included your remarks in their entirety below.)
First off, if Taylor "seems like a destructive influence," to you, that might be a feeling better kept to yourself. She actually seems like a pretty good influence who throws a truly lovely pool party. That's a mighty audacious barb to lob at someone that you probably don't know, bro.
Secondly, the next time you're about to say that you don't want to date someone, consider pausing, taking a breath, and then not saying it. Especially if it's totally irrelevant, and you're probably not on the radar of the person you're saying you wouldn't want to date because they are wayyyyy out of your league. Bringing them down does not catapult you into a new level of relevance.
Also, calling a woman a "deep thinker" won't soften an unwarranted character assassination. Just sayin'.
Last but not least, Taylor Swift is a human being. She is not a mere source of inspiration for boy band lyrics, even if you do think "some good songs would come out of dating her." Real talk: What you just did was objectify this woman and imply that you'd date her only to get a couple good tracks out of the experience. That's sort of a jerk move.
P.S. In case you hadn't heard, Taylor Swift already has a boyfriend who she's apparently pretty happy with. He probably doesn't care that you don't want to go out with her, either.
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