Tonight, another quiet opening: This time, with Abraham. First, he's talking with Sasha. Then he's in bed with Rosita, who gives him a necklace made from a piece of glass/plastic from the brake light of the truck they blew up in the last episode.
This is not the episode we were looking for. This is the everyone is-watching-the-Oscars-so-who-gives-a-crap experience that most people should expect.
ANYWAY:
We're looking at Jesus, post-confrontation with Rick and Michonne from last week's teaser.
Carl finds draws his gun: "What the hell are you doing in our house?"
Jesus, cool about it: "I'm, uh, sitting on the steps, looking at this painting, waiting for your mom and dad to get dressed. Hi, I'm Jesus."
Rick, all aglow from his hookup with Michonne, emerges from his room. "You said we should talk. So let's talk."
There are so many people pointing guns at each other here that I can't even.
"Look we got off to a bad start, but we're on the same side. The living side." says Jesus. He goes on to explain that he's from a similar community and is looking for trading partners. He offers to show Rick & co. his settlement: "Your world's about to get a whole lot bigger," he says.
This is now what's what up with TWD. We're basically doing SimCity shit now.
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"Shit's still better than roadkill," Dr. Denise tells Daryl, after giving him some snacks for his road trip.
Meanwhile, Rick tells Carl about his new mom, saying "it just happened last night."
Carl's cool with it, because in a zombie apocalypse, who in their right mind wouldn't want a katana-wielding badass as their stepmom? No one. That's who.
Meanwhile, Abraham and Glenn have a highly metaphor-ridden conversation about potential parenting. "We're trying to build something. Me and her, all of us." It's an emotional account.
"For the record, I see rain coming, I'm wearing galoshes." Says Abe." I double up."
The gang comes across a crashed vehicle. Daryl tracks the survivors to a cabin. where they save an obstetrician, which is about the most jackpot thing that's ever happened to Glenn and Maggie.
The RV gets stuck and they reach The Hilltop, Jesus's community, which looks like it should have Colonial Williamsburg actors reciting the Declaration of Independence.
"Every elementary school for 50 miles used to come here for field trips." says Jesus. The upper floors of the mansion allow for views fro 50 miles in any direction.
"Good gracious Ignatius" says Abraham, scoping the fancy pants accommodations.
Abraham and Daryl have a discussion about Richonne. "How long you think they been bumping uglies?" asks Abe.
Daryl's uninterested. Abe clearly has monogamy on the mind.
Maggie is sent to parlay with Gregory, the Hilltop leader, who hard-lines her with come-ons and insinuations that his people are fine while hers will soon starve. Maggie shows him the hand.
Minions from the Hilltop return, claiming that Negan has a hostage. They stab Gregory and get into a fight with Rick's crew, who shut them down quickly. Jesus gets in between, in a very Jesus-y way, and guns are holstered.
"Dr. Carson was able to patch Gregory up. He'll live." Says Jesus, not talking about the presidential candidate. Rick asks about Negan. Jesus explains who he is, and says that Negan killed a 16-year-old named Rory to set an example, and that Gregory isn't exactly the leader he would have chosen, but that they reached an agreement with Negan that he gets half of everything in return for not being killed. Jesus explains that his people don't know how to fight.
"These dicks just got a good story," says Daryl, continuing to the make this episode one of the most quotable Daryl episodes in recent memory. "The bogeyman, he ain't shit."
Daryl offers to kick Negan's ass if Jesus hooks their group up with food. "Confrontation's never something we've had trouble with," Ricks adds.
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"It's gonna cost us something" Maggie adds, foreshadowing events in the comics that we're not going to discuss right now. Gregory asks to negotiate with her. "He can be a prick,"Jesus says.
"I know, says Maggie.
"We've handled people like Negan." Maggie says. "How?" asks Gregory.
"They're dead." she replies. BADASS. Maggie, in a newly powerful position dealing with a stabbed Gregory, demands half of the Hilltop colony's shit.
"We'll win." says Ricks to Michonne as they depart to confront Negan. Glenn and Maggie get an ultrasound of their baby, and show everyone as the assault team departs to head for Negan.
The comics tell us that something rilly bad is about to happen...