Step one: Fill suitcase with giant jars of protein powder.
Step two: Keep protein powder in suitcase and attach said case onto a weight belt.
Step three: Do pull-ups while said protein powder-filled suitcase dangles in between legs. (While the actual weight of the suitcase may not have been too heavy, its symbolism for overcompensation certainly was.)
What... is... this...#TheBachelorette @BacheloretteABC pic.twitter.com/F1oFXeHerQ
— Good Morning America (@GMA) May 31, 2016
... guy... doing... ?!#TheBachelorette @BacheloretteABC pic.twitter.com/dghVjtZKX8
— Good Morning America (@GMA) May 31, 2016
Chad was literally stuffing his face with charcuterie for the entire final cocktail party. Seriously, there wasn’t one shot — rose ceremony included — in which he wasn’t consuming meat, for which he announced he was “saving my cals.”
It takes a lot of skill to be able to pull off this look of contempt while eating lunch meat #Bachelorette #chad pic.twitter.com/725zshUpdw
— Mommy Shannon (@MommyAnxiety) May 31, 2016
Even though Chad is a walking metaphor, his comprehension of the rhetorical device leaves a lot to be desired. When discussing his competition, he said, "If you're making a protein shake made out of the group of dudes here and blended it up, half of that dude protein shake would have zero chance” — which is both homicidal and nonsensical. …or jokes.
On a group date at ESPN, contestants were tasked with spinning around on a baseball bat and then dizzily proposing to JoJo. Chad was mortally offended by what he considered to be overly effusive, sometimes silly language from the other contestants. When JoJo asked him to play along as opposed to begin and end his proposal with a romantic “Will you marry me” followed by a butt grab, he said their relationship was “starting off a little naggy.” Cute.
So, Chad goes with "naggy." ? #TheBachelorette https://t.co/85VIGD3X1Z
— The Bachelorette (@BacheloretteABC) May 31, 2016
“I always warn girls stay away from the nice guys. It’s the nice guys who are actually the assholes,” said Chad, a tried-and-true asshole. He's also anti short guys.
"She's going to keep Alex around because she doesn't want America to think that she hates short people,” Chad opined — on national television.
"I knew you were cool the moment I met you,” Chad told his fellow black tank top-wearing bro.
Daniel and Chad form a mutual admiration society. Nice guys not allowed! #TheBachelorette pic.twitter.com/8DVrQwgj0K
— The Bachelorette (@BacheloretteABC) May 31, 2016
Chad kept on insisting that Jojo didn’t want any of the “nice guys” at the Bachelor mansion. Rather she wanted a “real man,” like him. ”If I went home tonight,” Chad said, “I would probably confront JoJo and be like, 'You know you like me.’” And finally, these are actual sentences that came out of his mouth:
"I will not write her a song about how much I love her. I'm going to have some protein shakes, keep working out, keep eating food, and just continue doing what I do." Thanks so much for the itinerary, Chad.