Ever since she burst onto the music scene in 2014, Halsey's established herself as the kind of performer who isn't afraid to speak out or open up. The 21-year-old musical misfit has never held back from discussing her bisexuality, family life, and mental health, and her new interview with Rolling Stone is rife with raw, honest insights into her past.
Chief among them: the miscarriage she had last year. The singer told Rolling Stone that she got pregnant while on tour, pre-Badlands, leaving her to process how her burgeoning career would be affected and what options remained. She was due to perform in Chicago one night when the choice was made for her — she miscarried in her hotel room.
The details that follow are harrowing. The pop star was left naked and bleeding while her team figured out how to handle the situation. It was decided — it's not clear by whom, though she admits she "had a choice" — that the show would go on, with Halsey wearing an adult diaper and dosed with two Percocet.
"It's the angriest performance that I've ever done in my life," she told the magazine of the show. "That was the moment of my life where I thought to myself, 'I don't feel like a fucking human being anymore.' This thing, this music, Halsey, whatever it is that I'm doing, took precedence and priority over every decision that I made regarding this entire situation from the moment I found out until the moment it went wrong. I walked offstage and went into the parking lot and just started throwing up."
The experience took a toll, both physically and emotionally. She struggled to understand what caused the miscarriage, adding to her guilt.
"I beat myself up for it, because I think that the reason it happened is just the lifestyle I was living," she shared. "I wasn't drinking. I wasn't doing drugs. I was fucking overworked — in the hospital every couple of weeks because I was dehydrated, needing bags of IVs brought to my greenroom. I was anemic, I was fainting. My body just broke the fuck down."
And now?
"I want to be a mom more than I want to be a pop star," she reveals. "More than I want to be anything in the world."
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