UnReal Recap: Rachel Gets Yael To Poop Her Pants On National TV

Holy crap, guys. UnReal got real Monday night, about a lot of rough shit. To start off with: Coleman wants to use all the dirt he's gathered on Quinn — about the show, about Mary's death, about cover-ups — to burn Everlasting to the ground, taking Rachel's longtime mentor down in the process. But Rachel isn't so sure that's what she wants to do, especially after Madison tells her that she saw Coleman smooching Yael in her guest room.

When Rachel confronts Coleman about it, he sort of makes it seem like Rachel is blowing things out of proportion: We're starting to see the real TV "star" here, someone so cutthroat that he'd sell out his girlfriend to pump up his own career. Rachel knows something fishy is going on here, so she makes Coleman think that she's on board with his plan — while starting to come to some conclusions of her own. But she's gotta move fast: Tonight on Everlasting, Darius is cutting the girls down from three to two, and during the day he's got a series of dates with the remaining contestants to get to know them all just a little bit more. First comes Tiffany, with whom he golfs (lame), followed by Yael, with whom he's set to have a romantic dinner and sunset dance. And then, of course, Chantal, who he doesn't want to cut but thinks needs to go home. Jay and Darius talk this over, ultimately agreeing that it'll be better for Chantal to quit the show on her own and not suffer the same indignities that last-round contestants have in past seasons. She seems on board — until Madison gets to her and reveals that Jay might have a financial incentive to get her to leave of her own accord. (Truthfully, Jay is trying to do the right thing, both by the last standing Black woman on Everlasting and by Darius. But — in Chantal's defense — it's impossible to know which producer is telling the truth.)

After Rachel starts to feel suspicious about what's going on with Coleman and Yael, she decides to take matters into her own hands prior to Yael's date with Darius. She schemes to get Yael into a white dress for the dinner date, and then doctors her dinner with some major laxatives. Mid-date, after downing a ton of sushi, Yael tries to excuse herself to go to the bathroom, but Rachel blocks her from leaving the set. Ultimately, Yael breaks away and winds up pounding on the bathroom door, knowing she can't hold it in any longer...and that's how Yael ends up shitting herself in a white dress on national television, while Darius, along with the cast and crew, looks on. She is completely humiliated — which was Rachel's plan all along, of course. (Oh, and while Darius is trying to cover up Yael's "accident" with a big tablecloth, Tiffany is getting head from Chet on the balcony — and it's seeming less and less like Tiffany and Darius are actually going to end up together, even though she tells Chet that she's playing to win.) The Yael hijinks get Rachel back into Quinn's good graces; it seems like they are finally starting to be friends again. Plus, it doesn't hurt that Quinn is so damned happy: She and John Booth saw a private doctor who tested Quinn's fertility earlier in the day. So she's living in a little dream bubble, picturing becoming a parent with John and living happily ever after. But just when all the producers think they've got their episode plot on lockdown, Chantal goes wild-card, climbing into the hot tub with Darius totally naked — and dispelling the idea that she'll be stepping down from the show willingly. Apparently, her little talk with Madison worked, and she's going to remain a contender right down to the very end.

While that's happening, Rachel and Quinn are sitting on the couch together, decompressing and talking about all the crazy shit that has happened lately. Quinn confesses to Rachel that she made all the shooting drama go away, and that she's often done similar cleanup in order to keep Everlasting — and Rachel, for that matter — safe. Rachel is softening to Quinn; it's like old times.

Except what Rachel doesn't know is that Coleman has tapped her phone and recorded every word she says.

But when Rachel goes to Coleman and tells him that she wants to cancel their plan to expose the ugly underbelly of Everlasting, he basically tells her "no can do" — and that this is going to be the thing that jump-starts both of their careers again. When he confesses to wire-tapping her phone, something clicks in Rachel's brain: Coleman can't be trusted. So, she goes along with his plan on the surface, but she's starting to separate herself from him, and starting to think about ways to keep him from revealing secrets that could damage Quinn's reputation forever. When the elimination ceremony gets started, Darius cuts Yael almost immediately: It's actually a small act of kindness, because he knows how deeply humiliated she was by Rachel's stunt. That leaves Tiffany and Chantal, setting us up for the potential first Black-suitor-plus-Black-finalist situation in Everlasting history. Coleman, by the way, runs straightaway to check on Yael, who is still reeling from what happened earlier. Funny enough, she's at her most likable in this scene, because she's vulnerable and admitting that she's terrified that pooping her pants on TV will mean that no one will ever love her again. Coleman, of course, is more than willing to assure her otherwise, and they get busy on the bed. (In the next room, by the way, Tiffany and Chet are doing the same.) But of course, this is UnReal, so there are no fairytale endings for anyone: Quinn gets a call at the end of the night from the physician who examined her earlier, and it is not good news. Apparently, she's past the point of being able to have children. Her first impulse? To push John Booth away, because she knows that he wants children, and she won't be able to give him children, which means that she doubts he still wants her now. He seems baffled — but he doesn't do a good job of dealing with that base fear by assuring her that he loves her anyway. She more or less kicks him out of his office before storming into the control center and demanding that everyone leave.

Quinn is a fright in this scene, smashing TV screens, screaming and crying, having a complete meltdown. It's almost like she's trying to destroy the place that kept her from focusing on other things — having a baby, building a life — all these years. It's terrifying, and really sad. Rachel is the only one who is fearless and goes in there to see what is going on. "No one ever tells you when it's over," Quinn cries to her, before firing her. Quinn also tells Rachel she loves her, and that she should go have a life and get away from this show before it's too late. Rachel and Quinn see each other in that moment, and it's clear that — no matter what they've been through this season — their friendship is still solid, and the most important thing. Rachel tells Quinn she needs to snap out of it: They have something to deal with. Then, she tells Quinn about Coleman's plan to blow the show's secrets out of the water. Quinn is chilly — at first, it's unclear if she's going to blame Rachel. But then they throw their arms around one another and re-dedicate themselves to bringing Coleman down. Because at the end of the day, it's your best friend who will be there for you.