My hopes are high for Martha and Snoop’s Thanksgiving extravaganza, only because Thanksgiving is then holiday where I feel Martha Stewart flexes the hardest. Will I be disappointed? Will I learn new things from this exhilarating half hour of television? Let’s find out.
For starts, there are live turkeys on set. Part of me hopes they also slaughter them on live television, but I’m pretty sure that won’t happen. Anyway, this is the Thanksgiving episode: Martha’s Super Bowl. As I correctly assumed, Martha takes Thanksgiving really seriously. She also knows how to make turkey noises. She gobbles and the live turkeys respond. I would pay money for a Pure Moods-esque recording of Martha doing turkey gobbles over the theremin and crashing waves. Just saying.
The signature drink of the week is a cider bourbon cocktail with Martha’s signature ice balls, made in a machine that turns giant ice blocks into balls. You know who can’t keep his shit together during this segment? Snoop Dogg. Seems fine. The drink actually sounds decent — bourbon, ginger, hard cider, some lemon. It’s at this point in the episode that I wonder whether or not the guests are drinking too. A pan of the audience later in the episode roves that they are, and I find myself inordinately relieved.
Today’s guests are Naya Rivera, who comes bearing turkey hats, and 2 Chainz, who shows up with a pie that may or may not have weed in it. Upon arrival, Naya chugs half her glass of champagne and spends the rest of the episode wondering how it is that this show made it to air and how she ended up on it in the first place.
On to the cooking portion Snoop is making a baked ham and Martha’s handling the turkey. The IRL turkeys are distressed, and frankly, so am I. Snoop’s ham is glazed in pineapple juice, honey, milk and brown sugar, then popped into a 420(duh)-degree oven for 45 minutes. Martha’s turkey gets a sensual butter rubdown in a section that I am largely ignoring except for Martha’s off-hand comment near the end that her daughter will kill her for it. Mr. Turkey gets covered in a cheesecloth, soaked in a pound of melted butter and warm white wine, and into the oven it goes.
Right before dinner, there’s another surprise guest — it’s NBA superstar Chris Bosh, with a growler of home brew and a smile. While Martha and Snoop fuss with their various entrees, Naya and Chris engage in a conversation about how they met in Italy that one time his son pooped in a pool. That…sounds like something you talk about in the green room before you make it to set, but that’s just me. Finally (finally!) it’s time to eat.
Everything on the table looks great, actually. Chris Bosh kindly points out that Martha eats her food “European style,” with the fork in the left and the knife in right. Snoop eats with his hands, mostly. Sidebar: this whole “look how different we are!” shtick is getting kind of old, just saying. Anyway, everyone appears to be enjoying their food. That enjoyment is ruined by the forced dinner activity— reading inappropriate and awkward Thanksgiving situations off of cards stuck to a centerpiece meant to resemble a turkey. None of these situations are particularly terrible or inappropriate or even that embarrassing, so they do not merit a mention here.
Martha and Snoop break a gold wishbone, Dreezy comes out to perform as the credits are rudely rolling. Martha feeds the turkeys, Snoop Snapchats the whole thing, and that, I believe, is the end of this show.
Hopefully your Thanksgiving is a little bit like theirs was. Gobble gobble.
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