R29 Binge Club: Gilmore Girls: A Year In The Life Recaps, Episodes 1-4

After nearly a decade the Gilmore Girls are officially back. We certainly have a lot of catching up to do. So make some coffee, coffee, coffee and prepare yourself for six hours of fast-talking fun with Lorelai, Rory and Emily Gilmore. Episode 1: “Winter” The first thing we hear Lorelai say in the revival is the first thing we ever heard Lorelai say while fixin' for some coffee: “Please, Luke. Please, please, please!” This trip down memory lane launches us into a montage of the show’s greatest auditory moments: “Copper boom!” Luke is all in. “Oy with the poodles already.” It’s not Carole King, but Sam Phillips’ la la la’s that lull us out of this nostalgic dream and back to Stars Hollow where, in 2016, the town seems especially crowded. People are taking selfies by the gazebo with their iPhones that weren’t even available the last time we visited the town. Behind that selfie-taking couple sits Lorelai holding a Luke’s to-go coffee cup, taking in the beauty of the snow before Rory joins her. “That’s the way you look when you get off a plane?” Lorelai asks. “That’s how you say hello?" Rory responds. And we’re off to the races again. Lorelai launches into a caffeine-fueled rant that proves she hasn’t lost it — and neither has creator/writer Amy Sherman-Palladino. We’re not even two minutes in and Lorelai’s already made an Anne Hathaway Les Mis joke and a Goop reference, as in: Rory has been “Gooped,” a verb meaning she’s been brainwashed by Gwyneth Paltrow and her $15,000 sex toys. The two haven’t seen each other in a while. “It feels like years,” Rory says, but as we already can see, it’s like riding a bike with these two. Rory’s in town for one day before grabbing the red-eye to London for work and boy, do they have a lot to do. She needs a town tour — or, more accurately, we do — which includes a walk and talk that lets us know Al’s Pancake World won (again) for best Christmas decorations thanks to an eggplant Jesus. Taylor Doose wants the town to go full-on sewer instead of individual septic tanks. And Rory wants a phone that works in Stars Hollow. Lorelai just wants to stop walking because she’s hit her steps. Since when does she care about something silly like her health? This walk through town gives us a brief look at all the Stars Hollowians we love. Miss Patty is still teaching dance. Lane is stressing out over Zack getting a promotion at a job where he has to wear a tie. “I tell him he looks like a young Leonard Cohen, but he actually just looks like his dad,” she tells Rory. Kirk has started a new ride-share company that he’s calling “Ooober.” He also has a pet pig named Petal, given to him by the town after he and Lulu said they were thinking of having a baby. “We figured it bought us a couple of years,” Lorelai explains to Rory. Sherman-Palladino warned everyone that Stars Hollow will look a little different, but so far everything pretty much looks the same, including Lorelai’s house. Now it just includes Luke, who is excitedly waiting to see Rory, “the New Yorker writer.” “It was only one Talk Of The Town piece,” Rory explains, but it’s already clear she hasn’t been slacking in the years since she left to join some guy named Barack Obama on the presidential campaign trail. Luke is a proud dad, gushing over the piece, which is as sweet as those mini-doughnuts he does not want Rory eating before dinner. Luckily, the two can camp out in Rory’s room, which is now full of the boxes that used to fill her Brooklyn apartment. This is Rory’s time to follow the story and not worry about where she calls home. Though, she is worried about where her underwear and her lucky outfit went. As Lorelai points out though, any outfit without underwear is likely a lucky outfit. Rory needs this particular outfit that makes her feel like Diane Sawyer because she’s meeting with Conde Nast. But, first she has to figure out why Paul is here. You know, Paul, Rory’s boyfriend. Let’s talk about Paul for a second, shall we? He’s there for a dinner Rory invited him to but totally forgot about. He’s brought flowers and wears a sport coat and shares fun facts about Peru and he’s a rather awkward kisser. Let’s just call it like we see it, this guy is not right for her. Rory knows it, Lorelai knows it, we know it, but unfortunately, Paul doesn’t seem to know it yet. Paul is the Ann Hog of this series. “Who?” is all Lorelai can muster about the guy Rory’s been dating for two years. Two. Years. What is hard to forget is Lorelai’s taste in TV, which includes Lifetime Original Movies that she watches to keep from having dirty bathroom dreams. This night, it’s actually Rory’s stress tap dancing that wakes her up. What is clear is Rory’s job is making her a bit jittery and the late-night coffee breaks aren’t helping. Lorelai is thinking about her mortality and wondering if she should go on a cruise. Rory asks exactly what we’re all thinking, Does this have to do with Richard? Lorelai isn’t ready to talk about it and all we get is a sheepish “maybe” and a toast to absent friends With a shot of Luke’s new sign outlawing texting and man buns it’s a new day. One that reveals the diner has Wi-Fi and a new menu, complete with Rory’s New Yorker story, and that Luke lives with Lorelai. Over at the Dragonfly Inn, Michel is filling us in on his husband, who now, after five years, has decided he wants children. We also find out that their chef-less kitchen is hosting pop-ups. Lorelai isn’t happy about the food truck guy Roy Choi (played by real life food truck guy Roy Choi.) Lorelai likes what she likes, and what she likes is Sookie in the kitchen. Not April Bloomfield, not Alice Waters, and definitely not Anthony Bourdain, who had the gall to park in Sookie’s spot. Sookie’s been gone a year now after saying she needed a “six month sabbatical” to clear her head, and Michel, for one, feels abandoned. Sookie’s up in the woods doing something Lorelai can’t really explain, but sounds very farm-to-table. Let’s put a pin in the Sookie talk though because Lorelai’s beloved jeep is in the shop and she needs to get to Hartford. Guess who needs an Ooober? After all these years and maids, Lorelai still doesn’t want to deal with Emily alone, who is too happy to see Rory to nitpick Lorelai or her maid Berta, whose family is living with her. Emily, like everyone else, doesn’t remember Rory’s boyfriend, Egg or Paul or whatever his name is. Oh, and she also has a full wall portrait of Richard hanging in the sitting room. It’s to match his presence, Emily says, but Lorelai believes she gave the painter the wrong measurements, which leads us to the first fight of the revival. Cue all the Lord Of The Rings references and Emily storming out of the room. So no, Emily and Lorelai’s relationship is not exactly in a better place and there’s a reason why We learn this in a flashback from Richard’s funeral four months earlier. It’s also where we see Jason Stiles and learn that Richard’s death was sudden, Lorelai’s happy, and she has no good memories to share about her dad. “You have nothing but contempt for this family,” Emily tells her in the kitchen after Lorelai shares a story of Richard leaving her in a steamer trunk. “You blow through life like a natural disaster knocking down everything and everyone in your path. I wonder if Luke knew what he was getting into with you.”

Here it seems as if Emily is speaking directly to all those fans who think Lorelai is actually the worst, even providing some ammo for that debate. Emily asks Lorelai if she ever discussed having children with Luke, but Emily answers for her: No, Lorelai Gilmore doesn’t care about anyone but herself. “God help you if she thinks you wronged her,” Emily says. “She will hold on to that grudge forever just waiting for that moment to get back at you.” Then we’re back in Emily’s present day living room where Lorelai admits that was the last time they spoke. But tonight, with an Ooober-less Kirk at the table, the Gilmore girls will eat and talk about Rory’s Jack Kerouac lifestyle. Not even an awkward Luke — who’s the chauffeur, not a guest at this dinner — will keep Emily from wondering how a 32-year-old woman with a college degree could live such an Inside Llewyn Davis existence. Kudos on that reference, Emily. Rory doesn’t take this criticism to heart, but lets Emily know she’s busier than she’s ever been and knows what she’s doing. Do you really, though, Rory? From one smart daughter to another, we get our first mention of April, who is off at MIT and the only kid who still writes letters. It’s also the perfect segue for Lorelai to ask Luke if he ever wanted a “fresh kid.” It’s a question that seems a little late in the game for these two. Lorelai, admitting that the Twickham house (season 5) was the last time Luke and her talked about kids, certainly doesn’t give me any added confidence in their communication skills. It’s then that Luke tells Lorelai, “Well, nobody gets to have everything they want in life. All in all, I think I did pretty good.” Luke isn’t sad to admit that, but yet, there is something sad about it and Lorelai knows it. You can see it on her face. Or, maybe it’s that there’s something very adult about that statement. The Gilmores have grown up and even in the magical Stars Hollow dreams don’t always come true. Sometimes you have to settle for pretty good. I feel kind of sad even writing that. With babies on the brain, Lorelai and Luke go shopping for surrogates since he doesn’t want to adopt. (“I don’t want to go to Bangladesh for a baby. I don’t want to go to Woodbury for a light bulb.”) It’s clear Emily’s words have struck a nerve and Lorelai is now trying to overcompensate for all the things she believes Luke didn’t have because of her. This includes a baby and a picture window. The trip to find a surrogate leads us to Paris Geller. She has her name on the door at Dynasty Makers, the largest surrogacy clinic in the Western hemisphere. Paris is still Paris, but now she’s in charge of people’s babies and for Lorelai, she’s not going to let any “bottle service bimbo” carry her child — or Neil Patrick Harris’ for that matter. Luke is just really uncomfortable with this whole thing and gives the whole baby thing a very fertile “no.” In jolly ol’ London, Rory is having a much more positive lunch with a fellow journalist Naomi Shropshire (ER’s Alex Kingston), who is looking for someone to help her write her memoir. Rory comes out of this meeting excited and ready to tell the world, but for now she’s spilling her guts to Logan Huntzberger. Gone are the turtlenecks of his college days. This Logan is way more chic with no suit of armor in sight. The kiss they share is intriguing, could it be that she’s secretly dating her ex without her mom knowing? Rory sent some boxes there, hinting it’s pretty serious. But she also questions if it’s okay to look in his closet in case there’s some other woman’s stuff there too. These two are back to their early college days of just dating, no strings attached. “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas,” Rory says in a way that almost makes me believe her. Almost.

Back at Luke’s the Wi-Fi password has been changed (again), but turns out that ever-changing Wi-Fi password is bogus. We should have known Luke didn’t want people checking their Facebook in his diner. It’s Taylor who lets the cat out of the bag and wins Luke over in the process. Their truce may be in the name of a town septic tank, but it’s still kind of sweet. What’s not so sweet is Paris letting us know Doyle and her have called it quits because he’s now a screenwriter who wears jeans and flies out to the coast. “As if this isn’t a coast,” Paris says before making it clear she’s going to kill him in court despite him being the father of her kids. Yes, plural. Rory is now at Lane’s, which looks a lot like Sookie’s place except with drums. Rory’s going through her boxes to find that lucky outfit of hers. An hour and 15 minutes into the episode and still no sign of it. But, we’ve found Brian, Gil and Zack, who looks like a real dad. Oh, and Rory is definitely not telling Lorelai about Logan, but she is trying to get her mom to talk to Emily after a fight. “Have you ever imagined a grandma without a grandpa?” Rory asks. In the span of that quick chat, Rory’s Conde Nast meeting gets rescheduled and Paul, oh Paul, is trying to get in contact with her. Let’s all hope she breaks up with him before spring. Lorelai takes Rory’s advice and goes to visit a jean-wearing Emily, who seems to be having an everything must go sale. Emily is taking a page from Marie Kondo’s book and decluttering. She’s letting go of anything that doesn’t bring her joy, which, turns out, is nearly everything she owns. After taking off those jeans, what Lorelai really wants is for Emily to mourn, really mourn. “I don’t know how to do this,” Emily says. “Live my life.” What we’re quickly learning is none of the Gilmores do right now. Lorelai is with Luke, who she’s not married to. Despite telling her mom she’s practically married, Emily says they’re just “roommates” and couldn’t possibly understand losing a husband of 50 years. Lorelai lets that one go and encourages her mom to go to therapy. It’s a sincere ask and part of Lorelai’s attempt to be better. She’s learning to compromise, which let’s face it, she’s very bad at. She’s still passive aggressively trying to keep the surrogate talk going despite Luke saying no. This is as surprising as hearing Kirk’s Ooober business got a cease and desist from Uber, which it did. The nicest thing to come out of this rather harsh winter is Emily thanking Lorelai for getting her into therapy. For the very first time Emily took Lorelai’s advice and that is the only explanation for her unknowingly agreeing to go to therapy with her mother. This should be, um, fun?

Episode 2: “Spring”

A ticking clock is all that’s heard when we first see Emily, arms crossed on a couch, sitting next to Lorelai, who says, “I would like to say I was wrong. And I’m very, very sorry.” It’s a blanket apology for anything that she should be sorry for. “Is that allowed?” Emily asks their therapist, Claudia, who assures her that anything is allowed here — even quoting Alanis Morissette, which Lorelai does. This is therapy with the Gilmores, where the two fight about who’s winning, despite Claudia letting them know she’s not taking score. Lorelai whispering the question of how much time they have left nearly every 10 minutes is the only thing that breaks the deafening silence. Claudia believes their silence speaks volumes. And what do you know, time is up and Lorelai’s getting guilted into coming back next Tuesday. If that was the appetizer, Stars Hollow’s International Spring Food Festival is the main course. Rory is back and she’s already talking about leaving. Taylor is worried the fest isn’t international enough, since only 15 out of 195 countries actually showed up. Lane is manning the Korean table while Mrs. Kim trains her new choir, which is using way too much toilet paper for her taste. The long-lost Mr. Kim finally appears, as does Jackson, sans Sookie. Rory is still taking calls, this time from Sandee, who runs the website SandeeSays. According to her, it will take over the Huffington Post in a year. But not without Rory Gilmore, who ends up back in London with Naomi, who wants to bite her cheeks. She’s eccentric! She’s also very hard to pin down, as is Rory’s relationship with Logan. She’s having lunch to talk about Naomi and her drunken pronunciation of “escalus.” Rory took this job because Naomi broke barriers in the field of journalism, but Logan says the five-martini lunch Rory just had with her sounds about right. It’s clear: the great meeting she had in winter faded in the spring. And that meeting with Condé Nast? It’s been pushed back once again. To make this meal even worse, Logan and Rory are joined by Mitchum Huntzberger, who is the kind of guy who will eat the fries right off your plate while offering to call Condé Nast for you. Rory says no thanks. His appearance gets even more infuriating after he reveals Logan is engaged to a girl named Odette. Once a cad, always a cad. The first town meeting reveals that Stars Hollow is having its first Pride Parade, which makes up for the show’s major LGBTQ problem. That is, until we hear that the town is thinking of canceling it because there aren’t not enough gays in town. Taylor’s even asking neighboring towns to lend them some for the parade — all while the town is trying to figure out if Taylor is gay. Luke kind of speaks for me here: “Is this really happening?” Yes it is, but it feels like in 2016, it shouldn’t be. The meeting also informs us that a big Hollywood movie is being filmed in Woodbury. Matthew McConaughey is buying three newspapers a day, while Stars Hollow is only getting the B-level stars who just aren’t adding enough to the economy. Michel is concerned — this means the Dragonfly has peaked. “What’s the point of living if we can’t bag Jennifer Lawrence?” he asks. Truth. Liz has joined a cult and I can’t say I’m surprised. What is surprising is Luke’s outburst about things growing. When Lorelai talks about Michel’s concerns about the Dragonfly being too small, he immediately blows up. “Why does everything need to grow? If something’s good, why not keep it the same? No, you don’t need more.” Um, okay...overreaction much? Paul Anka returns. Not dog Paul Anka, but real Paul Anka, who’s in Lorelai’s dream for the third time this year, as she tells Rory over the phone. She’s worried Michel is leaving. Sookie has already left her in her buddy venture and all she has left is Michel, her Paris, and her “angry friend.” What Lorelai doesn’t realize is her other best friend, Rory, isn’t being too honest with her either. Lorelai still thinks that Rory is staying with a British friend named DiDi and not Logan. But now is not the time for her to worry about this, since she’s got another therapy session to attend. Lorelai hasn’t learned anything. She even attempts that same lame apology from before, which Emily is just not having. So it’s silence until a fade to black. Once we’re back, it’s a rare scene: Emily and Lorelai laughing together. Unfortunately, Trombone Stan can’t keep Emily from wanting to talk about Lorelai leaving. “Are we really going to go back over this ancient history again?” Lorelai asks. But when did they ever really talk about this? Sure, they’ve fought over it, but actually talking about it? That would be something new. These ladies are going to actually talk about their problems, because with an hour and a half and no commercial breaks to worry about, there’s time for these two to actually talk. That is, if there session wasn’t over. Now, we’re left wondering if Lorelai really wrote Emily a rude letter that she’s still upset about. But hello, this is foreshadowing at its finest. It’s time to head back to London, where Rory’s having a heated call with Naomi, who, yes, is a real handful. I’m going to say it now: Rory’s got to get out of this book, which is clearly more trouble than it’s worth. She seems to know this, too, and is having Logan assess SandeeSays, which he says is not the New Yorker, but the fact that it wants Rory means that someone is trying to “class the joint up.” These words all sound so nice, until Logan lets Rory know she can’t really stay with him anymore, because Odette’s coming to town. Wouldn’t want your fiancée to find out about your girlfriend, now would you? Definitely not Team Logan over here. More Team Rory Needs To Find Someone Better Before Spring. A trip to the Black, White, & Read Movie Theater gives us the premiere of Kirk’s second short film about a man and his pig, which is rudely interrupted by a phone call from Emily. Weird thing is, she’s calling Luke to invite just him to dinner next week. Even weirder? The fact that Rachael Ray is hanging out in the Dragonfly kitchen. Actually, scratch that, not as weird as Luke heading to Hartford to discuss the money Richard left him in his will. It can only be used to expand or franchise the diner. Remember when Richard told him to franchise Luke’s way back in season 5? Turns out, he’s still not taking no for an answer. The next morning has Rory standing in front of Chilton, which once looked so big when she was there in uniform, but just looks kind of cozy now. Rory is there for an alumni event, but before that, she’s giving a lecture to a class. Rory is a natural in front of the room, while Paris is well, Paris. The class she’s speaking to looks horrified by her “kill or be killed” approach. “I’m not in the habit of quoting Joseph Stalin” is just one of the gems from her speech that these kids will need therapy to get over. But Paris has her own nightmarish moment when she catches a glimpse of Tristan (not played by Chad Michael Murray) hitting on another alumna.

It’s a side of Paris we haven’t seen since high school. The vulnerable, lonely, sad Paris. But she’s no longer a high schooler, which makes this feeling hard for her to comprehend. After all the degrees — she’s a doctor, lawyer, dental technician, and an expert in neoclassical architecture — and “subtle nips and tucks,” Paris can’t get rid of Paris Geller. “I’m a phony,” she says, revealing that her briefcase holds nothing and her kids hate her, but love the nanny. Sound familiar? Soon, Francie is joining them in a bathroom, where she gets an earful from Paris. Basically, it’s all the things Paris should have said back in 2003 when she was class president. But now, she’s just dealing with a divorce and preparing for a panel at the 92nd Street Y, where Lena Dunham is the moderator. (Yep, that is reference No. 2.) These characters may be older, but they’re still holding on to some of their youth. With Rory, it’s her dream of being Christiane Amanpour. It’s no surprise that Headmaster Charleston wants to know if Rory’s ever thought of getting her master’s and becoming a teacher. They have a spot open in any department for her, should she choose to accept it. Like Emily, Charleston is concerned about her living here and there and not living up to her potential. Rory’s worried teaching means she’s given up. After a visit to Paris’ brownstone, where we see screenwriter Doyle, Rory is ready to take Mitchum’s offer. Lucky outfit is still MIA, but Rory has finally made it to that Condé Nast meeting, where the editors at GQ are comparing her to David Foster Wallace and offering her a story on lines and the psychology of the people who are waiting in them. It’s not a job. She leaves the meeting a little defeated. Emily is feeling this way about therapy, too. She calls it quits. This is actually a good thing. Finally, Lorelai will have to talk about some of the uncomfortable things from her past. She tells the story of the day Richard died: she was working on the books at the inn when she got a call from Emily. It was a heart attack. “A big one.” He never left the ICU, but Lorelai remembers him being in and out of consciousness and angry. His last words were, “Get the hell away from me.” It’s funny, Lorelai says of those words he spoke to his nurses, but she never got her moment to say goodbye like in those Lifetime movies. She talks about being married, which didn’t end badly, but admits should have never happened. “It was supposed to be Luke,” she says before she tells Claudia, “Luke and I are happy.” Maybe once more with feeling? At the moment, Luke is definitely not happy — he’s with Emily and a realtor. Now, here’s where I wonder, Why didn’t Richard leave this money to Lorelai to expand the Dragonfly? But Emily’s already off and running to steal a restaurant from someone who is going bankrupt. She is also happy to learn that Lorelai doesn’t tell Luke anything, either, including the fact that Emily quit therapy. When Luke asks Lorelai about the session while she watches A History of Violence (Luke is so Viggo Mortensen), she tells him that Emily did most of the talking. Uh-oh. Real talk here: Luke is making me very sad. He seems trapped and unable to tell anyone how he feels and how he’s uninterested in moving forward. While Luke’s off making a sad salad, Rory’s on a call with Naomi’s lawyer (Jason Mantzoukas), who is sending the paperwork to dissolve the contract. Another dead end for Rory, who’s ready to write about lines. She did make a parking lot interesting for The Franklin, so maybe she can pull this off, too? First, she needs to do a little stress tapping — then, she’ll be right on top of that Rose. Lorelai’s joined her in an escape to New York that is filled with lines, so many lines. Luckily, coffee is also there as Rory attempts to tell the story of those people who are waiting for the new cronut. It’s soooo interesting that she falls asleep mid-interview and wakes up to find Mae Whitman. Rory needs some sleep, but, instead, she sleeps with a Wookiee, who's also a source. It’s her first one-night stand and she’s freaking out. It makes her think she’s behind. She has no job or apartment and we’re finally getting that Rory we remember. The list-maker who’s got it all planned out. Except this time, she has no list. She’s flailing. She’s also ready to talk about Logan, who’s engaged to a French heiress. “That’s way sluttier than a one-night stand,” Lorelai tells her daughter before admitting she actually had that lucky outfit (red dress, full skirt) the whole time. Lorelai is confused on why she didn’t tell her about Logan, but really, Lorelai, are you? When was the last time you told Emily about a relationship, huh? Rory has Lorelai’s eyes, but there’s other, less attractive, things she’s inherited, too. SandeeSays is looking good right about now, but Rory needs to sell herself. She’s having a hard time doing that. She showed up with no pitches, which seems a little presumptuous. It’s why Sandee’s going with a two-month veteran like Kaitlin and Rory is shouting “Get Shorty” in an elevator bank. That lucky dress wasn’t all that lucky, after all. Rory’s throwing away her phones and starting over. She’s moving back to Stars Hollow and Lorelai couldn’t be more concerned.

Episode 3: “Summer”

Rory and Lorelai are hanging by the pool reading Wild and wondering why anyone goes to a public pool at all with all the kid pee and the unflattering swimsuits. By the way, Rory isn’t back in Stars Hollow, contrary to what everyone’s saying at the bookstore. However, April is and she’s talking about metaphysics over dinner and not understanding Lorelai’s Annie Hall jokes. The 22-year-old MIT student got a chance to speak with her idol, Noam Chomsky — someone, you remember, also had a place on Rory’s college dorm wall. April is spending the summer canvassing for marijuana reform and she thinks lawyers are fascists. She really wants to have a heart-to-heart with Rory, who again, is not back. April’s only smoked pot once and she never met Noam. She’s searching for herself (Oh, I spot a theme here!) and seeing Rory home, well, is freaking her out. “It’s like a postcard from the real world,” she says while hyperventilating. While Rory tries to console April, Lorelai is in the other room with Luke, discussing her freakout. Oh, the power of texting. She’s also talking to Luke about money: specifically, how April’s getting it to study abroad in Germany. Luke says that he’s paying — and Lorelai seems apprehensive. But nope, Luke doesn’t want her help. April is his, not theirs. Not to sound like Emily here, but are these two really sharing their lives? Rory is making late-night calls to Logan about coming to London earlier than expected. He’s for it, but she’s going to have to stay at a hotel, because his fiancée has moved in. Rory is, once again, the other woman. This is Dean all over again — and we all know how that ended. Rory seems to be remembering, too, and is pushing back on Logan’s nonchalant way of telling her this. But not enough, since she lets him smooth talk her into visiting when they originally planned so they can figure things out. Until then, Rory is a member of the “thirtysomething gang,” all the college grads who went out into the real world, only to end up back in Stars Hollow. At the town meeting, we learn tourism is down. To remedy that, Taylor’s planning something big for the annual Lazy Hazy Crazy Days Of Summer event. He’s putting on Stars Hollow: The Musical, which he wrote. I’m already excited, since the town events have been few and far between over the course of the last three hours. Taylor is asking for volunteers to join the advisory board to help make sure the musical is in tip-top shape. Count me in — and Lorelai, too. In sadder news, the Stars Hollow Gazette is shutting down after 89 years. Rory is disappointed, even though she’s not back. It’s clear that she’s not going to let it close without a fight. Who is back? Michel, who didn’t call Lorelai to tell her. Instead, they small talk about his plans to be a dad, which he sounds very unenthused about. Babette and Ms. Patty are hitting on the young men auditioning for the musical. Lorelai’s therapist is trying out, too, and wants her to put in a good word. Sutton Foster also shows up to steal Taylor’s heart...and the leading role. All of this newsworthy action proves to Rory that the town needs its paper, so she marches into Doose’s Market to offer Taylor her services. It pays nothing, but Rory needs a change of pace and this seems to be it. Better than lounging by the pool forcing a young boy to call her Khaleesi, that’s for sure. Michel wants Lorelai to have a drink with him, so they go off to the town’s secret bar. Michel wishes they had George Clooney’s tequila and Lorelai wishes Michel understood her Godfather impression. (Notice Lane and Zack playing some light jazz in the corner.) But this meeting is for Michel to break the news that he’s leaving the Dragonfly for a job at the W in New York. It’s the end of an era and it’s hard to imagine the inn without him, even on his worst days. But before he makes it final, he wonders if they can expand the Dragonfly by adding a spa. It’s a suggestion Emily also made to Lorelai in the show’s final season. And once again, it feels like that Luke’s franchising money should have been given to Lorelai. But Lorelai says it’s not possible and Michel says he can’t stay in one place forever. Over at the Gazette, Rory is trying to set up MS-DOS, which she only knows from Halt and Catch Fire. Rory hasn’t finished her first edition of the paper and she’s already getting pushback from Taylor about not printing a poem on the cover, which explains why she’s already dipped into her desk Scotch. Take another shot, because Rory still hasn’t broken up with Paul yet. Luke is cooking, but right now it’s at the Dragonfly Inn and he seems very stressed out about it. Can’t really blame him, since he does have a business to run, but I could do without another unexplained outburst. Seriously, what’s going on with Luke? There’s no time for that question, because Lorelai and Rory need to deliver the papers to Nancy Sinatra’s “These Boots Are Made For Walking.” This walkthrough reveals that there’s an avid tai chi community in Stars Hollow, everyone loves the poem, and Lane is working at her mom’s antique shop. Now, the Gilmore girls are nursing sore feet and evaluating the gastrointestinal damage of the night before. Rory’s also checking in on Emily, who is still in bed at noon. It’s unclear when the last time either Lorelai or Rory has seen Emily was, but it definitely seems like she’s struggling. What’s worse, Lorelai is playing it off like she doesn’t care, blaming Emily’s current state on the fact that she quit therapy. Like Luke, Emily’s well-being will have to wait until after we see a sneak preview of Stars Hollow: The Musical. It’s not as bad as the Stars Hollow Museum, that’s for sure, but it’s definitely not Hamilton, even with the rapping. Oh god, the rapping. Let’s just say Corky St. Clair would be proud of everything going on here. Foster and fellow Broadway veteran Christian Borle deserve all the awards for keeping a straight face through this whole ordeal. Funny thing is, everyone in town loves the show and its ABBA ending. Everyone except Lorelai, which is weird, because this seems like something the old Lorelai would have mocked, but loved for its small-town charm. Perhaps Lorelai has outgrown Stars Hollow and needs to expand her horizons?

Emily looks as if she does, too. At her DAR meeting, she can barely muster up any excitement for a historical relic. She can feign excitement for Rory, though, who is there to check in. Emily now has a TV in the living room, where she sit and eats dinner off a tray. She seems to be the only Gilmore who is trying new things. But the old Emily isn’t completely gone: she’s emailed Lorelai for a get-together to see Richard’s new headstone, which, after four tries, should be perfect now. Good news: the poem is back on the cover of the Stars Hollow Gazette. Know who’s also back? Jess, who is standing in Rory’s office trading flirty barbs, just like old times. They haven’t seen one another in four years — maybe more. He’s there to talk with Luke about getting his mom out of that vegetable cult she accidentally joined for 6 million years. (She thought it was a co-op, remember?) Rory offers him “lunch,” which is just the Scotch in her drawer, and the two talk about how he’s doing. He’s still at Truncheon Press and it’s going well. He’s still single, which is a plus for anyone on #TeamJess and a reminder to Rory to break up with Pete. Yep, that’s still a thing. The two clink glasses to the fact that unlike Marlon Brando in On The Waterfront, Rory is still a contendah, despite not feeling like one. Rory tells the sob story of how she has no money, apartment, job, or underwear. (Jess offers to lend her some money for that last one.) Once again, Jess is here to help Rory find her way. He did before, getting her back into Yale, and it seems he may do it again. He’s her guardian angel in a pair of motorcycle boots who is going to stop her from becoming one of Paris’ surrogates or writing a spec script for the now defunct Mysteries Of Laura. She’s not failing; she’s in a rut. She’s normal. She just needs to find her passion and write about that. He thinks she should write a book and he already knows what it should be about: Her relationship with Lorelai. Flash-forward one week later and Lorelai is standing in front of Emily, frantically texting Rory. She doesn’t get her, but she does meet Jack Smith (Ray Wise), an old friend of Richard’s we last saw at his funeral who is now hanging out with Emily on the patio making gimlets. Lorelai is not happy about “Daddy Jack” and assumes this is Emily’s new boyfriend, who she met at the club. Rory feels a bit guilty, admitting she told Emily to go back to the club and not mope around the house. What we also know is that Rory is writing that book proposal about her mom and hasn’t told her yet. Once again, Emily’s kitchen is the setting for another mother-daughter fight. Lorelai is suspicious of “Jack the Zipper,” who Emily informs her has been a friend of her for 30 years and is also a widow. (Yet another sign that these two don’t know each other at all.) Lorelai backs off, remarking that it’s good to see Emily moving on, but she takes this as a jab. “Oh, I see it’s good that I’m moving on, because now I’m someone else’s problem.” Again, Lorelai tries to drop it, only to have Emily ask where Luke is and why he hasn’t called her about that real estate they saw. This is news to Lorelai and Emily gets way too much pleasure out of hearing that. To make matters worse, Richard’s headstone is wrong. Again. Damn single quotes. But Lorelai seems willing to let her mom get what she wants. It’s a rare understanding moment between the two and Emily’s not even there to witness it. She’s off figuring out how to get a headstone that is worthy of Richard. Rory is debating moving to a different New York borough, Queens, where she can have some space to write her book. Telling Lorelai isn’t easy. “Do we fight crime?” Lorelai asks. Rory wants the book to tell Lorelai’s entire journey — including everything that happened before Rory was born. “No,” Lorelai says to the book. Hearing Lorelai say that word to her daughter is disheartening, but not surprising. Lorelai can barely tell her own story — why would she want someone else to? Again, we have a “my” and “our” conversation that’s not unlike the one Lorelai had with Luke about April’s travel money. For Lorelai, this is “my” story, but in Rory’s opinion, it’s “our” story: one that she thinks needs to be shared. But sharing isn’t really Lorelai’s thing, now is it? Lorelai’s concerns about the book are valid. She doesn’t want to reveal too much. But that concern also reveals what has been dogging Lorelai all along. She’s afraid to let anyone in, because she’ afraid of the judgment — especially from her mother. Rory doesn’t have that same concern and she’s not going to get stuck in the passive-aggressive relationship Lorelai and Emily have. It’s a powerful move from Rory, who has always been pretend-strong, since it’s not easy standing up to a steamroller like her mom. But Lorelai isn’t budging. And for once, neither is Rory, who says she will write the book without her mom’s blessing. Lorelai isn’t tip-toeing around Luke and is finally asking him why he’s been so grumpy the last four months. But he’s got questions for her, too, like why didn’t she tell him about the Emily-less therapy sessions? He thinks she could be having an affair. She thinks that’s crazy. It’s then that Luke finally reveals the perimeters of this relationship. They both get to have their own separate lives, because that’s what he thought Lorelai wanted. “Our lives were set up by you,” Luke yells. “I just went along with it.” Lorelai looks shocked, because she’s realizing they aren’t partners, they’re something more like roommates. It’s so nice to see Lane, but unfortunately, we’re not here to catch up. We’re here to watch Rory complain about Lorelai not understanding her art and accidentally call Logan. Rory is realizing she’s not the smart, together girl of her youth, but a woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown. She wishes she was 20 again. Though, that was the year she did quit Yale and move into the pool house, so maybe she’d like to amend that wish? Luckily, 32-year-old Lane has no problem telling Logan to beat it, but she does have a problem saying no to Rory. With an “Ace,” Rory is telling Logan all about her fight and pouting that she can’t call him anymore because of Odette, who comes home during the call. I have no sympathy for these two (Am I alone here?) and am more than happy to see them break up. Lane is a much better person than I, consoling Rory: “This adult stuff is hard, isn’t it?” Clearly, harder on some more than others. Lorelai is back checking out the musical and its new big number, which just so happens to speak directly to Lorelai’s specific situation. Weird, right? But as the song tells her, “It’s never or now.” Lorelai returns home to tell Luke she’s going away and not sure when she’s coming back. She’s pulling a Cheryl Strayed and she’s going Wild. The book, not the movie, to be clear. As she tells Luke, “It’s never or now.” And now, if you excuse me, I’m going to grab a light jacket and get ready for “Fall.”

Episode 4: “Fall” Lorelai seems to have brought too much stuff. She’s in a motel, looking at her bag and everything scattered on the bed and the floor that needs to go in it. “Huh,” she says, looking utterly confused. She calls Luke, but gets his voicemail, instead, where she leaves a rant about being the ice machine monitor. “I’ve been alone for exactly 12 hours and I’m already nuts,” Lorelai says. It’s not a great start to her solo hiking trip. Clearly, she doesn’t really want to be solo. She does have the hiking lingo down, though. Watching Lorelai packing her giant backpack all by herself makes you realize that this is something we’ve never seen before. Lorelai may have gone out on her own when she was 16, but she’s never really been alone. She had her parents and, after that, Rory. Even when Rory went away, she had Luke or Christopher or Sookie — or an entire town. This is all new to her. She’s out of her comfort zone and it’s showing. But Lorelai may just surprise us. What’s not surprising is that when she hits the Pacific Crest Trail, she’s surrounded by a lot of other women, mostly divorcées, who are going on their own Wild adventures. So many, in fact, that Lorelai is asked by one young woman, “Movie or book?” Rory is still in Stars Hollow, working at the Gazette, where the poem is the highlight of the paper, but something weird is happening with her computer and Kirk’s pig, Petal, is running down the street with a sign that reads “Kick up a rumpus.” I’m as confused as Rory, but I can’t help but feel like this has Logan Huntzberger written all over it. Jess could also be a culprit, since he just so happens to be in town. He’s at the diner looking for Luke, who is covered in flour and out of sorts. He even gave out the real Wi-Fi password. For once, someone is actually asking Luke what’s going on. Luke is chalking it up to lack of sleep, but when he says everything at home is “fine,” his nephew forces him to actually tell him what’s wrong. Luke tells him about Lorelai doing Wild, to which Jess, of course, asks, “Movie or book?” They’re “very different experiences.” Luke is concerned about Lorelai being out in California in “real hiking boots you can hike in,” not just cute ones. He admits that there’ve been communication problems and that the sniping we’ve been seeing is new. He fears this three-week hike is her taking a permanent vacation from him. Jess agrees that it sounds bad. Like “she’s going to leave him” kind of bad. Luke looks sad to hear this, but Jess pulling the router out does seem to boost his spirits a little. Lorelai isn’t having a great trip. After being told by a park ranger (Parenthood’s Jason Ritter) that there’s a storm coming so hike at your own risk, she’s back in the motel eating freeze-dried meatballs. While she’s going to get ice, she discovers that the other women on the trip are sitting outside, books in hand, drinking boxed wine by a fire. This seems more up Lorelai’s alley than the hike itself. When they ask her why she’s there, Lorelai says it’s “not a story, just a punchline.” The other women assume she’s there because of a divorce, a terrible relationship, or a heroin addiction. But the individuals reasons don’t matter: all of these women are there to change their lives. It’s as if this one hike is going to have the Cheryl Strayed effect on all of them. As if it will offer a quick fix for every problem in their life. Lorelai falls into this category: She wants clarity that every decision she’s made wasn’t wrong. “Suddenly, I feel like I’m standing still,” she tells the circle. “Like the whole world is moving and I’m standing completely still.” Lorelai’s definitely going to need some more wine. Rory needs a clue. She’s walking around town on a foggy night trying to figure out what that pig was trying to tell her. She sees a fluorescent red “Flowers” sign change into the word “Tonight.” Then, a man wearing a top hat while riding a unicycle passes by saying, “By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes.” It’s what the witches of Shakespeare’s Macbeth say and besides feeling very timely with Halloween coming up, I’ve got nothing. Even more confusing is the raven in the tree that is saying Rory’s name and letting her know she needs to get ready. The door to the Gazette is open, so Rory walks into the darkness only to be greeted by the paper’s resident filer, Esther, saying the words “In Omnia Paratus.” The Life and Death Brigade is back, gorilla masks and all. Finn, Colin, Robert, and Logan are there to take her out. It’s probably the first bit of fun we’ve seen Rory have all year. It doesn’t feel real, but maybe that’s because it’s so surreal. (It’s also a near shot-for-shot of a scene in Across the Universe.) She hits golf balls off of a roof, watches Kirk’s second short film, and ends up doing the tango with Logan in a speakeasy. These guys haven’t changed since college. Finn is flirting with anyone and everyone. Colin is throwing his money around and Logan is trying to charm Rory with grand gestures. He’s in Stars Hollow because he doesn’t like the way they left things, but he hasn’t left Odette. Rory also hasn’t fixed things with her mom and is still crashing at Lane’s. But Logan’s there to give her a key to his family’s house in Maine so she can write her book. Like Jess, Logan thinks she needs to: “It’s time.” It’s also time for Rory to ask the million dollar question, Is Logan going to marry Odette? “It’s the dynastic plan,” he says and that is apparently that. The next morning, Rory wakes up in Logan’s room at a New Hampshire bed and breakfast ready to give back the key. She tells him that she has another place in mind for where she’s going to write. She seems ready to get back to real life. But her Wizard Of Oz goodbye is a nice way to send these ridiculous guys off. Logan gets his own special goodbye. “I think your days of rescuing me are over,” she says. He lets her know she never needed rescuing, to which she responds, “I know now.” Lorelai doesn’t need rescuing on her journey, either. But she does need a permit, which she can’t find and the park ranger (Graham’s Parenthood co-star and real-life boyfriend, Peter Krause) isn’t having it. There’s always tomorrow, but today, Lorelai is headed to a local café that happens to be closed. She decides to walk. It’s not the PCT, but she does get to see a bit of nature that takes her breath away. After a few seconds of taking it all in, she takes out her phone and calls Emily. She tells her mom the story of her 13th birthday and how the boy she liked broke up with her in front of everyone. She wanted to show him what he was missing, so she stole her mother’s beaded green top, but he called her cheap and told her she wasn’t good enough to be a Gilmore. She ended up ditching school and heading to the mall, where she saw her dad. When he asked her why she was there, she couldn’t come up with a lie, so she just started crying. She assumed he would punish her, but when she looked up to see him there, he was holding a pretzel. He ended up taking her to see Grease and An Unmarried Woman. “It was the best birthday I ever had,” Lorelai says, crying. “I just wanted you to know.” It’s the most vulnerable we’ve seen Lorelai. It’s the memory she should have told back in “Winter,” but couldn’t. Lorelai doesn’t need to do any more hiking, she just needs to go back home, where Luke is talking to Paul Anka about steak. She, on the other hand, wants to talk about coffee, which is what she was going to get when she had her realization. Luke assumes she’s gearing up to leave him, so he cuts into her big speech to let her know he will never leave her. He may not be easy to live with, but he can’t imagine them being apart. He just doesn’t want her to go. If only he had just waited, since Lorelai doesn’t want to leave either. “I think we should get married,” she says. “We’ve waited way too long.” I don’t think any fan would disagree. The date is picked: the Sunday of the Harvest Festival, since Luke’s closes early. Luke even has the ring from the last time they got engaged. “Just gotta tell ya, before this thing goes on,” he says as he slips it on her finger. “You’ve got to realize, the only way out is in a body bag.” Am I the only one who would really love that stitched on a pillow? Off in Nantucket, Emily is being served by Jack, who seems to be making her very happy these days. On a solo trip to the Whaling Museum, Emily has an epiphany that isn’t exactly clear right now. What is, though, is that Rory is using Richard and Emily’s house to write her book. She’s right, that does feel like the right place. Rory is reliving some of her best times in that home. (Remember when she made her grandparents frozen pizza?) She ends up in Richard’s study, where she takes a seat in his chair and starts writing.

Lorelai needs to fill Michel’s job and, with him helping her choose his replacement, it’s not going to be easy. But she doesn’t mind — and neither do I, since I’ve missed Michel’s rudeness. On a walk, Lorelai sees a retirement home for sale that she’s interested in buying. Though, the nuns warn she should make an offer soon, because Katy Perry’s been sniffing around. When Paul Anka comes sniffing around though, it means Rory’s back. After exchanging emails, texts, and notes, the Rory and Lorelai are sitting in the same room together discussing the wedding over ice cream, Pop Tarts, and leftover Chinese food. Oh, and coffee, don’t forget the coffee. Rory’s also there to show Lorelai the first three chapters of the book. She assures Lorelai she won’t finish the book if she doesn’t want it out there. Emily can’t wait for the DAR meeting to be over. She’s checking her watch and fidgeting as the other ladies interview a prospective member; a young blonde who once worked at a Crunch gym before marrying up. Emily even removes herself from the conversation to grab a cookie. She doesn’t even care about the crumbs. “Bullshit,” she screams out as the DAR tells this young woman they’ll be in touch. “You were never going to get in.” And we may have just figured out where Lorelai got her chutzpah. Emily doesn’t want to deal with the bullshit anymore. She knows that life is too short. But when her fellow DAR members tell her to take some time, the look she gives could literally kill. “This whole thing is dead to me, anyway,” she says when they kick her out. “It died with Richard.” So did the old Emily who used to plan parties, it seems. She’s just not interested in that life anymore. That moment leads us to Lorelai and Luke going over the guest list. My, how the tables have turned. Miss Celine has even come to help with her dress. Lorelai’s guests take up most of the list. Luke has Caesar, who can’t come because he’s working; Liz; T.J.; an uncle Bill he doesn’t remember; and his old pal, Kiefer Sutherland. Yes, that Kiefer Sutherland. And don’t worry, Lorelai and Rory have the 24 impressions covered. Rory is off for a meeting with someone fans will be happy to see: Christopher, who’s now in the family business. She’s clearly nervous and tells him about Lorelai’s wedding. (Don’t worry, he’s not going to show up.) She’s also there to tell him about the book. He thinks it’s great: “Just try not to make me too big a villain.” But Rory is there to have some real talk with her dad. She asks him how he felt about Lorelai raising her by herself. It’s a sore subject, but one he does answer: Lorelai did what she wanted and he wasn’t consulted. But he let her do it. “It was in the cards,” he said of Lorelai and Rory’s bond. “No one was getting between you guys.” Rory pushes the idea that he could have stopped her, but Christopher disagrees. One, Lorelai is a “force of nature.” And two, it was always supposed to be that way. Christopher once again gets left by a Gilmore girl as Rory leaves him there in his sterile office contemplating his decisions. Lorelai heads to Emily’s place, which is now up for sale. It’s a visit Emily assumes is to announce she’s calling off the wedding. Can’t really blame her for that. However, the for sale sign is all Lorelai can talk about and Emily’s answer is a simple one: She’s selling the house because it’s not a home anymore and hasn’t been since Richard passed. She’s going to move to Nantucket. This boggles Lorelai’s mind, because her mom has always been someone she could set her clock to. But if we’ve learned anything, it’s that all three Gilmore girls could use a change, a chance to grow and not just be who they’ve always been. It’s why Emily is now the proud owner of the Nantucket bungalow, the “Sandcastle.” (Previously known as the “Clam Shack.”) “I guess ‘Vagina House’ was taken,” Emily says, sounding a bit like her daughter. Lorelai is really there to talk about real estate. She’d like to expand the Dragonfly and she’s found a place, but she needs money. She wants Luke’s franchise money. Emily’s willing to give it to her, but there’s one stipulation, “You and Luke in Nantucket, two weeks every summer and one week at Christmas.” It’s something Lorelai easily agrees to and it shows us that the Emily we all know and love isn’t completely gone. Rory is back at Doose’s, picking up a few things for Lorelai, when she literally runs into Dean. He’s now a married father of three with a baby on the way, living in Scranton, PA. These two are particularly chummy, but when talk of first loves comes up, it immediately gets awkward. Rory sidesteps this by asking him if she can put him in her book. He’s concerned about what she’ll say, but she just wants to talk about how good a boyfriend he was and how he taught her “what safe feels like.” The two say goodbye, but not before Rory finds the corn starch. “Pay for it this time,” Dean says. It’s the closure these two always deserved. From one blast from the past to another, Lorelai returns to the Dragonfly to find cakes that could only have been made by Sookie. She did have a lot of ideas for Lorelai’s wedding cake, so it’s only right she’s back to make it. Melissa McCarthy may have only filmed for one day, but Sookie being there makes a big difference. Immediately, Sookie and Lorelai are back at it and it’s just nice to hear them talking about bear traps, accidental arrests, and chopped-off fingers. That back-and-forth rat-a-tat feels just like old times. But it’s also nice to hear them talk about the more serious Sookie leaving stuff. To see these two women having a real heart-to-heart is nice, even if it gets interrupted when Sookie smells Roy Choi all over her kitchen. Emily is wearing sneakers over in Nantucket and has a job at the Whaling Museum. Boy, is she good at telling whaling stories. Like, too good — she’s making people sick. And Luke looks good in a suit. Jess and Lorelai both agree he’s “Rande Gerber hot.” Kirk is going crazy over the wedding decorations, which now are way more glittery, and Luke is going crazy, because he’s seen Lorelai before the wedding day. Yes, they are doing that and since Luke doesn’t ask for much, let’s just give him this, okay? Lorelai is also giving her approval of Rory’s book, despite never reading it. She’s going to once it’s done. “If I don’t like it, I’ll just sue your ass,” is probably what all moms should say to kids who write books about them. Her only suggestion is drop the “the” before Gilmore Girls: “It’s cleaner.” Jess offers to go stay at his mom’s, but before he leaves, Rory runs out to show him her three chapters and give him an excited hug. Luke is confused, which is not that surprising. Jess says it’s a thing between them and Luke wants to know more. “It’s a work thing,” Jess says, but it still feels like something else. “You’re over that, right?” Luke asks. “Long over it,” Jess says, totally unconvincingly as he walks by the window to see Rory putting a compress on Kirk’s head. Sure, totally over it. So not pining. Gotcha. Luke and Lorelai are still eating pizza ten hours before the wedding. Well, Lorelai is. Luke’s worried about drinking, because it may come out of his pores. The two both have secret plans for this wedding that include flash mobs. Luke’s is to Steely Dan. [Insert all your yacht-rock jokes, here.] The two are nervous about the wedding, not to say “I do,” but just about the ceremony itself. It’s why they decide to just get married right at that very moment. Thanks, late-night bingo. Lorelai, Rory, and Luke jump in his truck to the tune of Sam Philips’ “Reflecting Light,” the song Luke and Lorelai danced to at Liz and T.J.’s wedding. Luke can waltz. #NeverForget. The town looks great, thanks to Kirk. Emily looks happy in her Nantucket home with Richard looking over her. The reverend is there to marry Luke and Lorelai with Rory, Michel, and Lane looking on. Everyone’s crying at this point. In the morning, we see Lorelai and Rory sitting in the gazebo once again. They’re talking about doing married-lady things, like dying their hair blue, buying pork chops, and bowling. They’re joking about marrying Rory off to one of her many childhood crushes: Pee-wee Herman, Edward Scissorhands, or Jerry Orbach. Paul finally breaks up with Rory, despite Lorelai still not remembering him. Rory wants to remember every detail of her life in Stars Hollow. It’s this that leads us into those final four words we’ve been hearing so much about. No, I’m not going to ruin them for you and risk the hate tweets. But I will say that the words will likely surprise you — likely infuriate you — and they’ll definitely leave you hoping that this isn’t the last time we see these girls. But, as Lorelai tells Emily, the circle of life (and the show) does feel complete in some small way as we fade to black on the Gilmore Girls.