Martha & Snoop’s Potluck Dinner Party Recap: Episode 4

Finally, an episode I can get behind: breakfast. Because it is indeed the breakfast episode, Martha and Snoop are in bed. Snoop’s wearing a scarf and a onesie; Martha, a pair of sensible and tasteful silk pajamas. Nothing says breakfast to me like a cocktail, so here’s what’s on the menu: “Mary’s Knees” is lime, lemon, and orange juice — fresh-squeezed, mind you — half a cup of vodka and then, for fun, orange liqueur. Snoop consumes his out of a giant cup. “I’m gonna call this drink Taylor Swift, because when you’re done, it writes a song about how you couldn’t handle it.” Um... The guests this week are Robin Thicke and Keke Palmer, both in pajamas. Keke brought a Chambong, Thicke naturally showed up empty-handed. I’d expect nothing less. Here’s what's on the menu: Gruyère popovers and waffles with maple-syrup bacon. What is a popover? It’s a weird little breakfast pastry with a batter similar to a pancake, but instead of being cooked in a pan, it’s poured into a muffin tin and baked. Their fluffy little tops “pop over” the muffin tin, hence the name. Great. Just a little something to try when you’ve got a spare 45 minutes to make breakfast for your fussy self! Waffle batter and popover batter are pretty similar, as Martha points out, and from watching the two, it looks like she’s right. Martha’s always right. Also, what you know as a "spatula" — you know, the thing you use to get cake batter out of the pan — is actually called a rubber scraper. I refuse to accept that as truth, but Martha said it. She has a multi-million-dollar lifestyle empire, and I certainly do not. I guess I’ll take her word for it. Snoop’s bacon method is different from what you’re used to. Instead of separating the floppy, uncooked pieces of bacon and laying them out individually in the pan, he plops what looks to be an entire package of bacon in the pan, like a bacon nest as opposed to the long, thin, obsessive-compulsive strips one might see on a tasteful Limoges plate in Martha’s dining room. It'd be nice if they fast-forwarded through all the cooking (boring) and moved right on to the guest portion. I’ve noticed that more time is spent on Martha’s recipes than Snoop’s — maybe because they’re more technically challenging, or maybe because it’s more fun to watch her make popovers on a sound stage. Snoop’s bacon nest looks great, though it involves an awful lot of movement. Oh god, a musical segment: “I’m not thinking about making love, I’m thinking about bacon love.” Here go Robin Thicke and Keke Palmer and Martha, too, ad-libbing against a Marvin Gaye knockoff instrumental. Why! Why do they do this! Why can’t we just cook very quickly and then get to the eating part? The doorbell rings, and, oh my goodness, it’s DJ Khaled, resplendent in unbuttoned silk pajamas. And now, it’s time for them to sit down and eat. Finally. This is why we watch the show. The blessing involves an insinuation about sticky-icky and Martha’s popovers — a scenario that sounds both bad and good. There’s a spirited discussion about Snoop opening a Waffle House in California, with DJ Khaled’s hearty endorsement. This week, instead of discussing something amongst themselves, Snoop and Martha are turning to Twitter to ask the viewers what their favorite “munchie mashups” are. For the uninitiated, I think a munchie mashup is when you’re really stoned, very hungry, and find yourself eating stale Nilla wafers dipped in Yoplait, sprinkled with chocolate chips. Someone recommends maple syrup drizzled over potato chips, and, like clockwork, out comes a plate of potato chips and maple syrup. “A little flaccid, don’t you think?” says Martha. The next option — a pizza omelette — makes old pizza and scrambled eggs somehow even grosser. The dish that passes muster is birthday cake soaked in milk — a nightmare that makes no sense, but seems to be well-received. DJ Khaled, perhaps understanding that pouring liquid on something already spongy to make it spongier is horrible, passes. Oop, we’re not done yet! DJ Khaled cannot appear publicly without mentioning his breakfast "keys." 1. Give thanks to God — the master key. 2. Make sure that you get the breakfast that you actually want. 3. Make sure you enjoy it to the fullest. No performance tonight, thank god, but let DJ Khaled’s words of wisdom carry you through to next week.