Amy Schumer Takes Toilet Selfie, Accidentally Becomes Soap Star

Pretend, for a minute, that you are a young publicist working to make a living in New York City. One of the brands on your account sells hand soap. Mind you, it's lovely, certified-organic, essential oil-based hand soap available at Whole Foods, but you know that at the end of the day, it's just the stuff everyone uses to wash subway grime and fecal matter off their fingers. Day in and day out, you sit at your desk and brainstorm pitches that will entice picky editors to place your French Lavender Liquid Soap next to Chanel's limited-edition holiday eyeshadow palette on one of their coveted three beauty pages. You send mailing after mailing to beauty directors. "We noticed you recently took a trip to a Florida orange grove, so we thought you might enjoy our latest citrus-scented soap. We look forward to hearing your feedback!" your intern scrawls on a notecard in her best cursive, which is hard, because they don't teach cursive anymore. You wait. Crickets. Then one morning, as you're scrolling through your Instagram feed at Drybar (you're partial to the Cosmo-Tai for client meetings), you come across a post from your favorite comedian. It's Amy Schumer, just being Amy Schumer — all relatable and silly, sitting on the toilet with a messy bun taking a selfie. You double-tap and start to scro... Wait a minute! Is that...? No, it can't be... Sure enough, it's happened. One of the thousands of celebrities to whom your intern sent hand soap has shared the product with her 5.4 MILLION FOLLOWERS!!! Yeah, she forgot the hashtag and brand handle in the caption, and wouldn't it have been nice if she positioned it so that the label was fully visible? But hey, an endorsement is an endorsement. Is Amy literally taking a shit? Maybe. But your soap is the one she'll be using to wash her hands afterward. And, to you, that's a victory. "Amy keeps her hands clean with the Everyone Botanical Hand Soap!" you start the email you'll be sending to editors, before popping open a bottle of Champagne. Today is gonna be a good day.