No matter what city you're watching, from Atlanta to Orange County, The Real Housewives opens every single episode with an intro to the ladies using their signature taglines (which they recite while wearing something fabulous and doing a little twirl). The catchphrases are meant to reflect the women's personalities, values, and lifestyles. Sometimes they're actually pretty cute and clever; more often, they're obnoxious or corny or weird.
Bravo released the new taglines for The Real Housewives of New York City's ninth season, which premieres on Wednesday, April 5 at 9 p.m. And they do not disappoint. The cast is made up of returning all-stars Bethenny Frankel, Carole Radziwill, Ramona Singer, Sonja Morgan, Luann de Lesseps, and Dorinda Medley — plus new addition Tinsley Mortimer, the storied NYC socialite.
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How do they stack up this season? Check it out. Here are the taglines for the season 9 cast of The Real Housewives of New York City, ranked from delightful to downright confusing. Watch them IRL below.
1) Sonja Morgan: "There’s nothing grey about my gardens."
Classic Sonja: silly and sexually suggestive. Plus, she managed to get a classy literary reference in there. It's also entirely accurate.
Classic Sonja: silly and sexually suggestive. Plus, she managed to get a classy literary reference in there. It's also entirely accurate.
2) Tinsley Mortimer: "A good set of lashes can fix anything, even a mugshot."
Not bad for a newbie! The glamorous socialite's line is a self-deprecating reference to her April 2016 arrest for trespassing at the Palm Beach home of her allegedly abusive ex.
Not bad for a newbie! The glamorous socialite's line is a self-deprecating reference to her April 2016 arrest for trespassing at the Palm Beach home of her allegedly abusive ex.
3) Bethenny Frankel: "If you’re going to take a shot at this B, you better not miss."
Sounds like a warning to her fellow housewives. And anyone's who's watched Frankel defend herself knows how true the statement is.
Sounds like a warning to her fellow housewives. And anyone's who's watched Frankel defend herself knows how true the statement is.
4) Ramona Singer: "I’m an acquired taste. You don’t like me? Acquire some taste!"
The resident pinot grigio aficionado is keeping in theme with her season 8 bit: "Like a fine wine, I just get better with time." Only this one's a little more aggressive (but makes us LOL).
The resident pinot grigio aficionado is keeping in theme with her season 8 bit: "Like a fine wine, I just get better with time." Only this one's a little more aggressive (but makes us LOL).
5) Luann D’Agostino: "The only title I’d trade 'Countess' for is 'wife.'"
Oh, Lu. Have you ever had a tagline not talking about your royal title? Also, your fiancé is the worst. Don't give up "Countess" now.
Oh, Lu. Have you ever had a tagline not talking about your royal title? Also, your fiancé is the worst. Don't give up "Countess" now.
6) Dorinda Medley: "I tell it like it is, but I always make it nice."
Boring and not totally true, especially after Medley's on her third Grey Goose dirty martini. Something about meddling would've been better.
Boring and not totally true, especially after Medley's on her third Grey Goose dirty martini. Something about meddling would've been better.
7) Carole Radziwill: "In the politics of friendship, I win the popular vote."
Carole girl, I love you, but this is just bleh and awkward. Also, please don't remind me of politics — I'm trying to zone out on brain candy TV for a reason, here.
Carole girl, I love you, but this is just bleh and awkward. Also, please don't remind me of politics — I'm trying to zone out on brain candy TV for a reason, here.