Well, we finally know what's going to happen with Hannah Horvath's baby. It'll be a boy, she'll name it Hampton (eesh), and he'll grow up to be a male stripper operating under the name Officer Sausages.
Or, at least, that's what happened during last night's Jimmy Kimmel Live!, which saw the cast of Girls rock liver spots and silver wigs in a parody of that other great exploration of four fabulous women: Golden Girls.
Set 50 years into the future, the Golden GIRLS episode (co-produced by Jaden Smith Jr. and directed by Blue Ivy Carter and Shiloh Jolie-Pitt, according to the opening credits) begins with a walker-using Shoshanna (Zosia Mamet) making a cake for a special occasion.
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"It means so much to me that you guys are throwing me this 63rd birthday/divorce/knee surgery party," a glamorous Marnie (Allison Williams), channeling Blanche Devereaux, tells her friends.
"You're 77 years old," Jessa (Jemima Kirke, still rocking the mermaid locks) reminds her. "You've been married eight times and you're having knee surgery in and around your face."
Dorothy Zbornak couldn't have said it better. Lena Dunham's Hannah, meanwhile, is still sporting overalls, unless she's naked, which happens a lot.
"What? I've got a touch of a wet diaper UTI," she tells a disgusted Marnie. "I'm airing it out."
Marnie's got her own problems. Per usual, she's been taking part in some unconventional sexual adventures, resulting in a herpes diagnosis ("so basic," notes Jessa) and the shame of admitting she let a suitor make love to her armpits.
The women are interrupted by "Officer Sausages," played by Kimmel. They're all reeling from the shock that he's Hannah's son when Elijah (Andrew Rannells) bursts in with some Ensure and ecstasy. There's not a wrinkle in sight.
"Is anyone else bothered by the fact that Elijah hasn't aged even a little?" asks Marnie.
"I told you bitches," he snaps back. "It's Oil of Olay and boxed wine. Did any of you even try it?"
It all ends with the group, sans Hannah, who's desperately jabbing at her Life Alert as she lays prone on the kitchen floor, throwing shapes to Hannah's rave anthem "I Love It."
Yep, that's pretty much how we see it all playing out. Watch the video below, with or without cheesecake.
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