This 13th-Century Castle Comes With A Cranky, Sexist Old Man

British aristocrat Sir Benjamin Slade is looking to welcome a new woman into Maunsel House, his famous 13th-century manor in Somerset, England. The 100-acre property includes duck ponds, ponies, holiday cottages, and lodges. An elegant fish-tile roof covers the regal stone exterior. Geoffrey Chaucer's thought to have written some of The Canterbury Tales in front of the fireplace.

But there's a catch: There's a sexist pig inside.

Slade has bid farewell to his 50-year-old ex Bridget Convey, whom he — at age 70 — has deemed too old for him. He's frozen his sperm and is hoping for someone who can provide him with an heir.

"We are still friendly, but no longer together. She’s now engaged to a 46-year-old called Alister Robens," he said at the Bath and West Show, an English fair, according to The Daily Mail. "My last girlfriend, Kirsten Hughes, went off with my handyman in 2011, but was already showing signs of madness." (Sour grapes much?)

Now, he's determined to avoid repeating his mistakes. He will only accept a young woman as his new companion. "I am interviewing hard," he said. "I have had a few proposals, but sometimes the women are past their sell-by date and have been over the guns a few times. They have to be fit — I have two castles. I am like a feudal prince when it comes to throwing parties." Next thing you know, he'll be saying he's too good for hot women.

We can't be too surprised. This is coming from someone who self-identifies as "a mega, mega-star" and claims he once proposed to three women in one night. He got two yeses, he told ABC News: "One gave me her mobile number and we were raring to go. Trouble is in the morning… they all look so different you know."

We wish him the best of luck finding someone who is half his age, wakes up looking flawless, and is willing to be viewed like rotting groceries.