Premium Cable Freed The Penis All Over The Place Last Night

Female sexuality has been exploited on television for as long as I can remember —  Game Of Thrones, in particular, has perfected the bare-breasts-as-a-form-of-exposition trope. But despite all the female nudity splayed across all over cable — and even Hulu now! — there’s barely a freed penis to be seen. And when we do get a glimpse of a todger, it’s usually diseased. However, in an event of grand serendipity this week, we got two jaw-dropping full frontal male nudity scenes in one night of television.

The one viewers will probably never forget came courtesy of American Gods, with a groundbreaking gay sex scene between an Omani salesman named Mr. Salim (Omid Abtahi, and a Jinn cabdriver (Mousa Kraish). The pair’s flirtation in “Head Full Of Snow” is very subtle after Salim randomly hops into the Jinn’s vehicle, with the entrepreneur repeatedly and tenderly resting his hand on the deity’s shoulder. When Salim realizes he’s dealing with an Ifrit, or a supernatural fire jinn of Middle Eastern origins, instead of a mere mortal, he invites the man to his hotel room. Not only does he find the Jinn alluring, but the fire-eyed stranger also reminds him of home.

Soon we cut to the room, and Salim is undressing, in the background we hear a shower running. The very buff Jinn emerges from the bathroom clad only in a towel and then drops little bit of coverage, giving the audience a truly jaw-dropping full frontal scene. Showrunner Bryan Fuller, of Hannibal fame, has confirmed everyone's cartoon-eyed reaction was the point. “I was like, ‘Okay, unless he has a 12-inch, candy-cane cock and can fuck around corners, his dick’s not getting in him,” the writer-producer tells Vulture.

Since we’re dealing with so-called genies, Bryan got his very explicit wish.

Following the Jinn’s shocking reveal, he and Salim share the most tender and beautiful sex scene of the season so far. While we’re always here for Bilquis's literally man (and woman) eating sex scenes, the exchange between the Jinn and Salim is emotional, out of respect for the moment in American Gods’s source material. “We felt like the [jinn], in this romantic gesture, wanted to give [Salim] a more intimate sexual experience. We wanted it to be incredibly visual and gorgeous,” Fuller adds to Vulture. The Jinn and Salim go through multiple intimate positions and are eventually transported to another dimension through sex. It’s all very explicit, but, like the full-frontal scene, not just pornography for the sake of pornography.

While American Gods freed their “candy cane” penis by mid-episode, The Leftovers opened up “It's a Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt World” with its own uncircumcised member. As the Leftovers world hurtles toward the seventh anniversary of the Sudden Departure, people keep acting out in exponentially more bizarre ways.

This time, a French sailor becomes determined to blow up his submarine and succeeds in the most naked way possible. The sailor, identified as P. Lyon on his uniform, strips down to his birthday suit while blasting “Je Ne Peux Pas Rentrer Chez Moi” by Charles Aznavour, until one man finally bursts into the room make the music stop. Lyon bashes the guy’s head on a table and steals one of his keys. Next, he runs down the hallways of the sub, package flopping about in the breeze. With a fine yoga post, the seamen turns both keys in their necessary slot, opening the kill switch for the vessel. With the press of one button, Lyon, all of his nudity, and the entire submarine is decimated in a fiery blaze.

The scene is weird, wonderful, and memorable. And at this pace, HBO will be at full-frontal nudity parity by 3017.