The English language can be so stuffy. It's bad enough English speaking countries expect the rest of the world to learn how to speak our native tongue without expecting people to know how to pronounce the word "colonel" or know when the hell to put an "i" before an "e."
Thankfully, there are some people, like Twitter user Mark Dempsey, who know how to have a little fun. Last November, Dempsey created the Twitter account Correct Names, which he uses to tweet out photos of everyday objects. Instead of using the items' dictionary-approved names, the British funnyman puts his own twist on their titles, and the end result keeps his 46.4k online followers rolling. For example, why would anyone say "butter" when they could say "bread moisturizer?"
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Since starting the account about nine months ago, Dempsey's tweeted over 150 different photos of everything from a glass of water and a bathtub to a trumpet and a lawnmower, all with names that are somehow simultaneously ridiculous and totally logical. Recently, BuzzFeed caught onto the craze and gave the attention Correct Names deserves. Now, we too, are obsessed.
Here are just some of his side-splitting creations:
Snowman Blood pic.twitter.com/epUl3xu2Qk
— Correct Names (@CorrectNames) July 8, 2017
Though dark, this one really puts into context why Frosty wasn't allowed inside.
House Lego pic.twitter.com/MyTacTxLmu
— Correct Names (@CorrectNames) July 16, 2017
It's no wonder kids grow up wanting to work in construction.
Wood Waffles pic.twitter.com/I701R8DsvB
— Correct Names (@CorrectNames) July 16, 2017
Step aside, white picket fences. Wood waffles are having a moment.
Human Bin pic.twitter.com/OdnLnPTVZ8
— Correct Names (@CorrectNames) July 16, 2017
Soft human storage can be yours for just thousands of dollars.
Bagel Seeds pic.twitter.com/xMw7j6KEha
— Correct Names (@CorrectNames) July 11, 2017
We'll honestly never look at Cheerios the same way again. Also, excuse us while we try to plant a bagel tree.
Horse Tornado pic.twitter.com/XiqlQ0QIaf
— Correct Names (@CorrectNames) July 7, 2017
"Horse tornado" is so much more metal than "carousel."
Stab Rabbit pic.twitter.com/iBEmLeFSWD
— Correct Names (@CorrectNames) June 2, 2017
Though they be little, they are scary AF.
Raw Toast pic.twitter.com/FTKsawawt8
— Correct Names (@CorrectNames) May 19, 2017
Let's be real: Plain white bread loaves are worthless if they're not toasted.
Dickhead Bee pic.twitter.com/59YUOCygQl
— Correct Names (@CorrectNames) April 4, 2017
If you've ever encountered a wasp, you know this description is 100% true.
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