I Have A Better Theory About Why Bachelor's Bekah M. Was Missing

I was certainly no math major, but I'll dust off a calculator when it comes to figuring out spoilers for The Bachelor. Last week, news broke that 22-year-old contestant Bekah M. was the very same Rebekah Martinez who had been reported missing in Humboldt County, California. Obviously, she wasn't missing, and per her Instagram post addressing the news, it was one big misunderstanding after she forgot to call her mom. However, Kelly Ripa thinks it's something bigger, that Martinez's disappearance actually means she wins the show.

"Bekah is the girl you choose," Ripa told Bachelor Arie Luyendyk Jr on Live With Kelly and Ryan on Monday. "Wanna know why I have this theory? Because she went into lockdown. … The dealio is when you choose a bachelorette, she has to go underground. She went so deep underground her mom thought she was a missing person."

Luyendyk, always the diplomat, responded with a simple, "That’s one theory." But it's also wrong. According to me, at least.

No offense to Ripa (dear God, never), but news of Martinez's disappearance lead me to come up with a theory of my own, and it doesn't look like good news for the California native.

According to the report by The North Coast Journal, Martinez was reported missing on November 18, 2017 after her mother hadn't heard from her since November 12, when she apparently went to go work on a marijuana farm. Put in a pin in Sunday, November 12. Now rewind to September.

Bekah M. announced her departure from social media on September 17, and some eagle-eyed Bachelor aficionados put together clues suggesting the women moved into the house on September 21. There are eight "weeks" in a season (take that with a grain of salt, because I don't trust The Bachelor's interpretation of time), and eight weeks later is November 16. Based on that, the finale was probably filmed at the very end of that week — five days after Martinez apparently reported for duty on the weed farm in Humboldt County. Therefore, Martinez doesn't make it to the finale, meaning if my theory is correct, she gets kicked off...next week.

It brings me no joy to say Ripa is wrong, but her theory just doesn't add up. To be fair, you can definitely poke holes in mine as well, but until Chris Harrison returns my calls, this will have to do.

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