Retrograde Is Hitting Hip-Hop Hard

People who aren't into astrology have no clue that their lives are being messed with by the massive retrograde that is happening in space right now. Planets are in retrograde when, thanks to an optical illusion, they appear to Earth-dwellers to be moving backwards. This is a big deal to those believe that planets have an influence on different parts of our lives/personalities. This summer, seven planets are in retrograde — six at the same damn time! If you’re noticing a string of unusually good or bad luck, mood swings from you or others, or just the general sense that things around you are going to hell, it’s not just you. Don’t believe me? Just look at what’s happening in hip-hop this week. Retrograde seems to be hitting that industry particularly hard.

Nicki Minaj should be having the best week ever. Her highly anticipated album, Queen, came out a week earlier than expected, and it’s really good! She should be celebrating and relaxing on someone’s island after working hard to wrap up the project. What has she being doing instead? On Tuesday, she was having a nasty argument with her ex-boyfriend Safaree. There’s not enough time in the day to give you a full play-by-play of everything that was said betwixt the two of them, but some of the highlights include a recounting of who wants who back the most, Safaree’s hairline, and a violent incident that sent him to the hospital. It’s a spectacle, plain and simple. Mars, which rules communication, and Mercury, which basically rules passion, are both in retrograde, which creates the perfect conditions for major meltdowns like this.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, Travis Scott — the rapper responsible for the chart-topping album Astroworld and Kylie Jenner’s baby — is feeling generous. He is celebrating the success of his album by sending fans money in the total amount of $100,000 via CashApp. This feels like the work of Saturn. Sometimes dubbed the “father planet,” Saturn keeps us in tune with our obligations and responsibilities. Not only is Scott a new dad, he’s clearly feeling pretty indebted to his fans. Coincidence? I think not.

There is no denying that hip-hop has been weird lately. Suddenly, people are buying Lil Kim’s 1996 debut album Hard Core and her 2000 project, Notorious K.I.M,. in numbers great enough to have them make the iTunes hip-hop charts. Lil Kim is one of the queens of rap, but there is no explaining the internet’s obsession with 20-year-old albums. Teyana Taylor just dropped out of her tour with Jeremih because he’s been acting like a “diva.” On Wednesday,, shots were fired on the set of a music video being filmed by 50 Cent and controversial rapper Tekashi69. These are strange times, indeed.

If you’re still a disbeliever in the havoc that this retrograde is wreaking amongst this beloved genre, consider this one final piece of evidence. The most popular song in the hip-hop sphere right now is called “Bitch I’m A Cow” by an artist named Doja Cat. It’s a song about… being a cute cow that says “moooooo.” And it's really good.

I rest my case.