I'll start this by saying I'm well aware that The Dark Crystal is an artistic, creative universe brought to life by the same people who brought us Kermit The Frog, so I must endlessly stan — but that doesn't mean the photos released from the new Netflix prequel to the 1982 movie aren't absolutely terrifying. Not unlike the Pumbaa poster from the upcoming Lion King adaptation, the cast of Dark Crystal: Age Of Resistance seems to have forgotten that children will be watching, and I'm baby.
I know I'll be soothed by the fact that all of these E.T.-looking puppets will be voiced by non-terrifying actors like Taron Egerton, Nathalie Emmanuel, Helena Bonham-Carter, Natalie Dormer, Mark Hamill, Keegan-Michael Key, and Andy Samberg, but right now they're just a slideshow of horrors that will definitely be revisiting me tonight in my dreams.
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Like, not even the fact that the thing in the photo above is voiced by Awkwafina stops me from zero-ing in on its claw-nails, and the rest of the shots are just as jarring. For instance, everyone say hello to The Emperor (Jason Isaacs) and The Hunter (Ralph Ineson).
Oh sorry, Scroll-Keeper (Neil Sterenberg) and Scientist (Hamill), I didn't see you because I'm literally barricading myself in a closet.
They don't all look like this. In fact, I think Deet (Emmanuel) and Mira (Alicia Vikander) look nice!
And this guy? This guy I love.
Dark Crystal: Age Of Resistance hits Netflix on August 30, and while I may still be having war flashbacks to the first time I saw The Emperor, I'll try anything that's Kermit-approved.