Have you ever heard of this little music festival called Stagecoach? Well, if you've seen even 15 minutes of Bachelor in Paradise season 6, you do now. Following suit from Monday night's premiere, episode 2 brought us multiple mentions of the country music festival, the rapid downfall of the "King of Paradise," and an unexpected kiss for Always Be Cam. Let's get into it.
The premiere episode ended on a cliffhanger when Kristina Schulman of Bachelor in Paradise season 5 fame said she would make Blake Horstmann (from Becca Kufrin's season) "my bitch" on their date. For she was not asking him out because she was interested in him. She was asking him out because they'd dated in the real world, he hooked up with Caelynn Miller-Keyes (Colton Underwood's season) the night after they had slept together, and she wanted... revenge? Well, now we have our answer. "I'm taking him on this date just to talk to him and tell him you have to be open." Eh, doesn't sound as threatening as her original description.
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After an ATV ride, Blake and Kristina sit down and she tells him that what happened with Caelynn was "a slap in the face." Blake is totally fine with what he did, but knows that it meant he and Kristina weren't going to be together. "I made my bed and I'm going to sleep it in," he says. She responds, without missing a beat, "Did you change the sheets?" Nice.
It becomes clear that these two are on completely different pages. Kristina's concerned because she thinks it was a jerk move to sleep with someone the night after they were together and she doesn't want him to screw over anyone else. He says he saw himself as single, so he didn't do anything wrong.
And the thing is, sleeping with two different people on two different nights isn't doing something wrong on it's own. The issue is what the two people were led to expect, and it sounds like Blake should have been aware that his actions would hurt both Kristina and Caelynn.
The other problem is that Blake seems pissed at Kristina for bringing this up on the show at all. He says she "ambushed" him and in his confessional says, "I think she wanted to ruin my Paradise." That's a problem. That's trying to control the narrative. That's being self-involved to where you think someone expressing their feelings is an attack on you, bud.
This explains why Blake also didn't realize he did anything wrong with Caelynn. When he returns from the date with Kristina, he and Caelynn talk and through tears she tells him that he called her a "mistake" and that she's felt like a "slimy, disgusting secret," because he hadn't even talked to her since they arrived in Paradise. Blake starts apologizing profusely and says he doesn't remember saying she was a mistake, but doesn't deny it, either. In this moment, it really doesn't seem that Blake consciously did anything wrong, but it also seems like he definitely should have been conscious of what he was doing. The women and Blake wouldn't have such different views of the situation if he had just paid mind to their feelings, too. (Editor's Note: If you don't mind spoilers, during the East Coast airing of the episode, Blake posted some additional reading materials refuting Caelynn's claims that you can read here.)
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At this point, everyone is done with Blake. Kristina tells Tayshia Adams (Colton's season) about the whole situation. And while Tayshia and Blake had a successful date on night one, Tayshia now says in her confessional, "To be quite honest with you, Blake just lost me. I don't need to be dealing with these kind of games." She couldn't be more right.
Meanwhile, Blake is losing it in his confessional and saying, "I look like the worst human in the world." Not quite, but he's definitely considered the worst human in Paradise... for now.
Finally, we get a break from The Blake Show (a show a mere year ago many of us very much wanted to watch), and check in on Hannah Godwin (Colton's season) and Dylan Barbour (Hannah B's season). It's very clear that he thinks they will be the new Jade and Tanner, aka a couple who meets on the first day, spends the entire time in Paradise together, gets married, and has two kids, welcoming one of them on the floor of their master closet. Hannah ain't so sure yet, which is evidenced by her kissing Wills Reid (Becca's season). It's also evidenced by something that happens between her and Blake later, but this is the Blake-free portion of the evening, so let's put a pin in that.
The next date card goes to Clay Harbor (Becca's season) and he invites Nicole Lopez-Alvar (Colton's season) to go with him. This upsets Bibiana Julian (a bunch of these shows), who has been flirty with him. And it also upsets Annaliese Puccini (last season of Bachelor In Paradise), who is friends with Clay's ex and former BiP contestant Angela Amezcua and thinks he is in Paradise "for the wrong reasons." It's so nice when they actually use the phrase! She confronts Clay and he's totally unbothered, because he and Angela broke up three months ago, so get over it, Annaliese! His and Nicole's date goes well, but honestly, it feels like none of these people have that much chemistry.
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Back at the beach, Demi Burnett, out of seemingly nowhere, gives Annaliese attitude about confronting Clay and trying to ruin his date with Nicole. In her confessional, Demi says, "Grandma’s off her meds" about Annaliese, which is an unfortunate reminder of her comments about older contestants on Colton's season. Come on, Demi! You've won so many of us over since then. Also, Annaliese is totally harmless. Just let her defend her friend and cry in peace.
At long last, it's time for the cocktail party, which, this week, has the women figuring out which guy they're going to get a rose from. Notably, Caelynn goes for Always Be Cam and she... actually... kisses him. "I'm like, who is this person?" she tells him, "He was not on Hannah's season." A glowing review!
Blake, now with no one to give his rose to because they all hate him, decides to make a move on Hannah G. — and it works. He tells her, "You're the reason I'm here," which is oh so convincing coming from a man who asked out someone else when he had a date card and has drama with everyone else. But Hannah responds, "You're going to be trouble," and they kiss.
Now, the question is, which guy will give Hannah his rose: Dylan or Blake? We'll find out next week, because, yep, the show is making us wait. Also next week? Jordan Kimball and Mike Johnson show up, and Blake tells Hannah, "I can see a legitimate future with you." Wells, can I get a bitters and soda? I'm getting a little nauseous over here.
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Queen of Paradise: Hannah G, who seems to be the woman that literally every man came to Paradise for.
King of Paradise: Mike Johnson when he arrives next week. No other kings on this beach after tonight.
Most likely to go home at the rose ceremony: Jane, the woman who left Colton’s season on night one, made John Paul Jones throw up by giving him tacos, and brushed her teeth with hot sauce in her intro package.