Hard seltzer is like the Powerpuff Girl of the summer drink arena. It combines the sugar, spice, and everything nice in the beverage trend world; cans plus carbonation, minus the gluten, make for an excellent beach day beverage. Hence why brands like White Claw, Arctic Summer, and Vista Bay have elevated canned alcoholic beverages to respectable new heights.
But this week, Four Loko has re-emerged, bottle in hand, to bring us something too hard to be called just a hard seltzer. This stuff has 14% ABV. If you've ever looked down the open top of a Watermelon Four Loko, you know exactly what 14 % ABV feels like. For reference, White Claw comes in at a shy 5% ABV. To quote Four Loko itself: “Hard Seltzer’s ran so we could fly.”
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Hard Seltzers ran so we could fly pic.twitter.com/g5ilBIyhl4
— Four Loko (@fourloko) August 13, 2019
You show someone who went to college in the past ten years a can of Four Loko and their eyes will surely widen and they’ll start muttering indecipherably. The only word you can make out being: “Don’t!”
No one:
— Anti-Fascist ☭ (@brownasfuck) August 14, 2019
Four Loko: heard yall wanted to die https://t.co/5TPCrKRxDD
Four Loko coming out with a seltzer is like your toxic ex becoming hot and guess who’s crawling back baby
— salad (@defnotsally) August 14, 2019
This seltzer is so hard, Megan Thee Stallion might reach for it next time she helps someone drive the boat.
My Brain Cells when i reintroduce Four Loko into my diet pic.twitter.com/AYbpfBfQSs
— Roc (@hardROClife) August 14, 2019
But like any charismatic food brand, Four Loko’s own Twitter page is bringing the meme mashups that stoke the flames.
and I OOP- pic.twitter.com/weunHyIMfm
— Four Loko (@fourloko) August 14, 2019