ABC is pulling a fast one on Bachelor In Paradise fans, stringing us along for just one extra week to see who gets engaged, who fights, and who splits up. And all those engagements and shiny rings are fine (you learn to miss Neil Lane after a while, you know?), but the true jewel in this crown is the Bachelor In Paradise reunion.
The band gets back together, and you know they’re going to rehash their old fights, get in their old drama, and talk about the old (and new) couples that have formed since filming wrapped in the summer. And a week seems like a long time to wait for all that, but the final Bachelor In Paradise promo has tons of reunion clues throughout its short runtime. Let’s analyze, shall we?
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Blake Horstmann Is In The Hot Seat
Blake has to talk about all that dating around he did, and I’m sure the women will read him to filth. Angela Amezcua seems especially mad at him, which could be editing, because she wasn’t even around when this was happening. That said, Caelynn Miller-Keyes, who initially came to the beach with tears in her eyes over Blake, is in tears again, which could have something to do with confronting Blake after he released those private text messages of theirs. (There's no way that won't come up.)
JPJ & Tayshia Seem To Be... Together... Ish?
That breakup certainly looks like it got thrown out the window. Not only are there some serious clues on both parties' Instagrams, but the promo shows JPJ is getting down on one knee in front of Tayshia during their time in the hot seat. Is this... really happening?
Dean Unglert Still Has No Mustache
The promo show's us Dean's latest mustache-less style update. He's gone full Man in A Van with a Bolo tie. His fashion choices have never been amazing, so at least he’s consistent. But his long hair is still totally dreamy.
Jordan Kimball & Christian Estrada Fight. Again.
These guys scuffled in the sand on Paradise, and now we see Christian calling him a “bitch.” Let’s hope there are no piñatas on set, okay? Because World War III might break out.
Onyeka Ehie Is Mad About... Something
Not sure about what, but let’s hope the woman who chose to leave Paradise when she didn't find anyone is hoping to reignite her fight from Colton Underwood's Bachelor: Women Tell All special. Back then, she went at it with Nicole Lopez-Alvar, but that beef was thoroughly squashed.
Mike Probably Isn’t The Bachelor
We see one set of headless shoulders meant to serve as a clue about who our next Bachelor will be. Unfortunately for those on the #MikeForBachelor train, those shoulders aren’t big enough, sorry. Another clue: Mike is seated alongside the rest of the cast, so he doesn't need to appear from the wings — the apparent origin point of said shoulders. It’s a damn shame because he would have been great. Perhaps we simply don’t deserve him.