My Phone Demon Made Me Buy An Adult Baby Blanket & It’s Heaven

I was recently in an Amazon hole looking for lightbulbs — a worthy Amazon-specific purchase if you're super picky on bulb types and refuse to once again be lost and alone in a 12-foot-high aisle at the hardware store — when I digitally veered left into things I didn't really need and ended up perusing blankets. Somewhere in my subconscious, there was an organic cotton bedding seed planted and its promise of cozy textile goodness was blooming on the tip of my brain. It was also following me around Instagram and TikTok where images featuring beds made with mille-feuille cake-inspired layers of sheets and duvets were being served up by the bevy. I'm not sure at what point I said "I'd love to be swaddled in an adult baby blanket" loud enough for the ad-targeting demon in my iPhone to hear me, but like Virgil leading me through the nine rings of Amazon hell, I was ultimately guided down to adult baby blanket Paradiso.

The Instagram image above can probably be traced back to what first triggered my adult baby blanket itch. (I have a burner IG handle that I use for following home inspo accounts, interior designers, furniture, and decor brands — it's my safe space on the app.) This image was originally posted by @interiorbygini, a Vienna-based 'Grammer of ethereal home aesthetics. Or, at least, I think she was the first; it's been reposted so many times by other accounts, that it's a constant in my feed. Look at that bedding! The warm light has just slipped away from the bed's sea of sumptuous cotton muslin, making it the most ideal place on Earth for what was previously referred to as a lazy disco nap. I envisioned myself descending beneath those layers of luxury for a moment of soft reflection — or, if choosing not to muss up the entire masterpiece, simply sliding under its airy top layer.

Two weeks later, after thinking about this idyllic scene at least once a day, it happened, I ended up on Amazon typing in the keywords "organic cotton waffle", "soft muslin blanket", and "layered organic crinkle gauze blanket" to get the right results. And, judging by all the positive reviews, I wasn't the only person who came to the conclusion that an adult baby blanket was one of life's more desirable unspoken luxuries. I felt a special kinship with one reviewer who stated, "I’m a 30-year-old grown-ass woman who is always jealous of my nieces' and nephews' muslin blankets because of how insanely cozy they are. I’m so happy I found one big enough for me to snuggle up with."

Now that I own this Bedsure 50% cotton and 50% bamboo style, it's something I'd describe as a waffled adult baby blanket you can swaddle yourself up in for self-soothing bliss. The secret about baby blankie Amazon is that it's a pretty wholesome corner of the behemoth site that many of us loath. While those lightbulbs are a one-and-done click to buy, the gauzy dream blanket scene is filled with sellers who have keys to some of the best textile mills east of Italy, family bedding businesses that do one thing really well, and a slew of other random options — all with near 5-star ratings. The paradox of choice hits hard when you're virtually surrounded by too much of a good thing.

Although I'm extremely satisfied with my purchase, I'm not 100% sure I landed on the exact one that fulfills the aforementioned Instagram vision (seeking a little less waffle, a little more mille-feuille cake). And here's where I type an on-record statement that I will not buy another adult baby blanket for myself. Not because I don't want layers of organic cotton gauze swathed across every bed and couch and perhaps they can even serve as a picnic blanket or a tablecloth or a lovely backdrop to a fruit bowl and bouquet of flowers as to which I can sit with an easel and palette and marvel at the still life before me; but because I can see myself becoming a hoarder of cloud-like covers. It's 2021 and I'm not here to consume more than I can snoo. However — with a capital H because it's at the beginning of the sentence and also because I want to stress that despite my good intentions — I will probably accumulate a few more when I finally have guests over again. After all, I wouldn't want to keep the joy that is sweatless slumber-filled nights or oh-so-soft and cool naptimes all to myself.